field of innocence

CHENGTING.

2006-11-10T05:02:00.000-08:00

I have actually left my blog for dead but for the sake of showing the world our very beloved at her very embarrassing moment, I have decided to make a rare appearance. Just a short moment, though. O's are in full swing!

There you go! A very classic, funny one. This gives you an insight into how jiemeis waste our time other than playing bridge. We simply laugh at Chengting as she does retarded things and we either snap a photo or video it down. And then we embarrass her by putting them online. Ta-dah!

CANCER

2006-11-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

This is the moment, to me, that the O levels officially start. My Lit paper starts at 2pm later in the day. It is now 10.32am as I am writing this. I am all alone at home, driving myself crazy with this sudden fear that has seized me.

People would wonder why I am worrying when I am a straight A1 student in Literature elective. That is where you people don't understand. When you are under pressure to perform better than others, you actually feel a greater fear because you have more to lose in a freak accident. Humanities subjects do that to me because that's where I get my A's from. Except that A in Geography seems a little elusive. 69 for Prelims... So near, yet so far.

My stomach is all aflutter with all these butterflies that have suddenly deemed to make their arrival known with a welcome dance. This is utter madness. I don't know if I can do this. I really do want to get this stupid examination over and done with so the fun can really begin, but I'm not sure if I can make it through. At this stage, my revision has not made any progress, especially with my sciences. My only consolation is that I don't really need my sciences much at all, provided my mathematics show some promise.

I need desperate help! Someone give me motivation to study. Someone pray for my sanity. Give me the strength to make it through this examinations in one piece!

For now, I think just wishing me luck will do. Let me plunge headfirst into this sea of insanity and if I arrive on the opposite shore on 16 November 2006, celebrate with me.

UPDATE

2006-10-18T05:38:00.000-07:00

Life has been sadly boring, with no signs of action whatsoever. The only action familiar is that of flipping open a TYS/FYS and writing in it. Not that it's a bad thing. It's a really good thing. But I feel like this exam is really killing me. I fell asleep during my beloved Man U's match this morning. I missed the entire first half and when I woke up to see John Dykes's commentary on the first half, I thought the match was over. So horrified and devastated was I that I sat there in shock for a few minutes. Then I regained my ability to count and realized that it wasn't even four yet, meaning the match was far from over.

It was a good result, though. I caught a replay of Manhunt during halftime too. That made me remember how hot Jon is. LOL. And John Stallin, the one with the emo hair. He was cute too. Early elimination, sadly.

Recently been into a lot of punk bands, with much help from Tinghao. Introduced me to some really good bands like The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Secondhand Serenade and Son of Dork. The latter two aren't punk bands but they're good. I can't remember since when, but I've been really against mainstream music lately. I just can't stand music that every Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane and Mary listen to on radio. I still like Perfect 10 but it's been ages since I last tuned in. I'm more into bands that nobody ever heard of.

MCR's new album, The Black Parade, has been a hit. In an interview in unknown rock magazine, Kerrang!, Gerard Way said that Welcome To The Black Parade is a middle finger to the world. He said that they'd somehow gone mainstream with Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge and didn't mean for that to happen. I totally agree! I don't know what's my problem but not only am I against fake soccer fans, I'm also against mainstream followers who know SHIT about punk rock. Guess what, Welcome To The Black Parade has found its way into the mainstream airwaves and these mainstream fans are saying they like it. NOOOOOOOOOO.

You aren't supposed to like it! You're supposed to say that rock is noisy, that it isn't your thing! Go back to your SHE and Jessica Simpson or something! Don't touch my punk rock!

And also, my latest obsession is with Fall Out Boy.

Yes, they're totally mainstream because they're more about getting their music heard and stuff. Rockers who go mainstream really lose their rock-ness but I'm still in love with the hottest bassist in the world, PETE WENTZ! They're more punkpop than punkrock but I love them anyway. Their lyrics are one of a kind!

Peter Wentz is the man I wanna marry! He's perfect in every way but one, I'm telling you. My dream guy being a rocker and/or footballer? He's both! He played all-state soccer when he was in high school and he's, as I said, the hottest bassist in one of the world's hottest bands. He's rich, famous and definitely somebody. And get this: he has his own fashion label and he wrote a children's book. He writes FOB's lyrics because he loves wordplay and is so fascinated by the English language.

Tell me how can anyone be so perfect?

Oh, of course, he's superduper cute. He loves Jack Skellington and has Jack and Sally tattooed on his right arm. He has this supercute Clandestine tattoo under his belly button. That's a good place to have a tattoo. Think Storm Large and Tommy Lee.

Sadly, according to some sources, he's 5'7", which is my height. AWWWW. Worse, some sources say he's 5'4". Which I hope is not true because that would be freakishly short for a guy. He doesn't look tall but he doesn't look so short either. Anyway, either ways, his height is the only thing that doesn't match up to my dream guy. But that's okay, since I will never get to stand beside him anyway. In my dreams, he's tall. :D

I'm so crazy over that guy...

Anyway, I've just been dying for some life. How can life be so boring? There's nothing going on at all, nothing to gossip about, nothing to reflect on. There has been periods of times when things got really complicated and spiced up. Then, nothing. SUPER SIAN LEH!

This Monday was graduation. Just a short ceremony filled with speeches. Mdm Koh definitely surprised us with her slang. HAHA. So funny. So officially, we've all graduated and passed through our Sec 4 education. But we still have the largest obstacle ahead of us. I just hope to get it over and done with WELL and hopefully I'll start having a life again.

Being a boring nerd is just getting on my nerves. I always wanted to be a nerd but it's so boring I wonder how nerds stand it. If things get any worse than this, I might just run into a wall and die. IT'S TORTURE!

Anyway, the good thing is that I have little distractions apart from TV and computer, which are really strong weapons. I'm not getting very far into my revision but I think every subject is hopeless except math now. Surprising, yes. I've been doing a lot of E. Math. My FYS is running out of Paper 1s for me to practice independence from calculators. I'm at my last Paper 1 and have now 4 more Paper 2s to go and I'm done. I might get a 3 or 4 for O's if I keep this up. A B3 would be good. I don't ask for much.

Hoping to improve my sciences but they both seem hopeless. Physics is just a dead end. Mayflower's Physics record has never been good. I'd do with a B4 for that, just a slight improvement from my horrific prelims.

AND IT'S TIME TO START GETTING MY 1s FOR ENGLISH! It's frustrating knowing my standard is high enough for an A1 but just not making the cut by one or two marks. I don't understand, really. And I stand firm by my claim that the Prelim Comprehension has answers that are not 100% accurate.

Okay, I think this post is long enough to make up for lack of updates. And this will be the last for a long time while I panic and dive back into studying. O's are scaring the shit outta me. I really want to do well and prove all my critics wrong. I'm so mad at some unkindness I've received. I'm determined to get an A1 for my English and maybe a 2 for my geog. One mark short for both! Extremely frustrating.

I can do it! My target from the school was an average of 3, which means I already beat my target of 18. Them looking down on me is great because I feel so SHIOK when I beat the target! Now that I've been robbed of 3 points, I'm determined to make it up during the actual O's. Hopefully, I'll be able to get into a school besides SR or YJ. I may be resigned to YJ on the outside, but inside, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO THERE! HAHA.

Pray for my poor soul, everyone. Peace. :D

NEIGHBOURHOOD SCHOOL.

2006-09-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

This past Thursday was probably one of those rare times that I was actually really, really proud of my school and my class. Reason being, we had a winning entry in this year's Pilot Pen writing competition. Not only was it a winning entry, it was THE top winner, beating schools like Methodist Girls' and Raffles Girls'. Yes, the very prestigious RGS. And who are we? We're only little Mayflower in the heart of Ang Mo Kio. Our top aggregate scorer isn't even good enough to be their bottom. Yet, we won.

We attended the award ceremony in Library @ Orchard on Thursday. Yes, for those who were wondering, I did join, and I do admit I didn't win. Wasn't a big deal to me. I've long accepted that I can't write non-fiction for peanuts, so laugh all you want and maybe I'll pretend to be hurt so you can feel superior. Perhaps my love for drama has done me in this time, because the prize was really attractive. Oh well, we benefitted in other ways. For one, in both upper and lower secondary categories, we were the only neighbourhood school there. The 20 or so people who went there to support our winner, Abhay, couldn't be prouder. We were the lousiest school there and those top schools probably wouldn't have given us the time of the day at any other time. BUT WE WON THE TOP HONOURS. Yes, we did.

Abhay went up to read his story and I'm telling you, it was a real kick for us because in this crazy education system, the top schools got everything. The people up there were supposed to be all the R's and stuff but there we were. We were just so proud of him. Those top scholars got priority in the best jobs, the political power, won all the competitions, but we won this one. I remember the Commonwealth competition, which I take part in annually alongside the Pilot Pen. The one year this RGS girl won, she got a huge spread in the Straits Times. HUGE. Guess what? Abhay, the pride of neighbourhood school kids like us, got a freaking sidebar. Not a long sidebar either. It was like, two sentences, with wrong information.

The winner of the first prize didn't get his story published. Guess what, again? MGS and RGS got published. Well, here I was thinking, we've knocked the mighty ones off their throne but no, socially, they're still the greatest. Perhaps the people at ST feel they are better judges than the people at Reader's Digest, Pilot Pen and Library @ Orchard. Perhaps they would have chosen the RGS and the MGS instead of the MFSS. Which is why they got published instead of Abhay.

Wait, I'm really fuming and I have to scream WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

If I'm not wrong, our society practises meritocracy. Which means we give rewards in terms of merit. Which MEANS, Abhay did well, he won. So you people should recognise that and give him the credit he deserves, not put up an entry from a good school because that's what you people want to see. Actually, I am pretty sure readers want to see the essay that helped a neighbourhood school beat RGS. The way the two-page feature was arranged, the two girls seemed like the big winners. The overall winner got a sidebar with wrong information.

For all you people who actually read the papers, Abhay Madaan is not a Secondary 3 student from Mayflower Secondary. He's in Secondary 4. AND HE WON THE TOP PRIZE IN THE UPPER SECONDARY CATEGORY. This needs to be in caps because the people who did this feature have to realise this. He won, fair and square. What is this? Discrimination against unknown neighbourhood schools? It's not bloody fair.

I'm mad, I really am. What utter bullshit. This is such a disappointment because neighbourhood schools like us never ever get recognition for anything we do. NEVER. The one time we actually win, we don't even get the recognition we deserve. Maybe they feel it was a fluke and they really felt the RGS and MGS ones were better. It's just not fair because we had such high hopes. A feature in ST! How great. Now I know how the people at ST are, forget it. It's not even that great anymore. They award based on labels. Like how they presented the RGS uniform as one of the 'coolest' uniforms when majority of students actually acknowledge Cedar's as the best.

Where is the fairness in the widest read newspaper in Singapore? This makes me think twice about what I read in the papers every day. Now I see that it is actually possible to sell people what you want them to see and leave out or minimise the importance of vital points. Indeed, there is no fairness in this world.

However, we know that Abhay has brought us glory and no one can take our pride in him away from us, not that stupid sidebar. They may not make it clear to the majority of Singapore, but we know, A NEIGHBOURHOOD SCHOOL TRIUMPHED THIS TIME. And Abhay is a sec 4 student. From 4i.

ALL HAIL RONALDO!

2006-09-27T02:59:00.000-07:00

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO EVER DOUBTED HIM, KISS HIS NIKES, MAN!

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE PRAISING HIM NOW, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO!

This world is really full of bullshit. With Rooney and Carrick being disappointments recently, people are singing the praises of my favourite young player, Cristiano Ronaldo. Hello, just a while ago, who were the ones who were booing him, gloating that he was so miserable he was about to leave Manchester and head over to Real Madrid? WHO?!

That's right, the exact same people. What a bunch. I really don't get these people. Today, he was on the cover of New Paper and there were glittering accounts of his heroics. Unbelievable. While I was touched by all the good things said about him, like him being one of the best players in the world, I can't help but wonder... Where were all those comments during the World Cup? I watch his performances and I'm telling you, his display during the WCo6 was phenomenal. People were commenting that he was a solo kid and that he was a diver.

WTH?!

The criticisms were so bad that referees never awarded fouls to him because they thought he was diving. Hello, blame him for defenders' tendencies to hack him down in frustration, why don't you? Let's all open our eyes and look at the big picture. You can't blame him for everything because everyone dives in football. Maybe not everyone but he sure as hell ain't the only one. There are so many divers in football. Twenty big, strong men who do nothing but train and tone up their bodies, not including goalies, going down like pins in a bowling game. WAY too often. Are you kidding me? Remember, these are men who exercise everyday and get paid to do it. They are athletes and I believe they're strong enough to withstand a slight nudge. But no, they have to fall over like someone just stabbed them. Dramatic, yeah? And Ronaldo gets knocked over more often because his playing style is to run at defenders and get past them, not dodge them. Is there anything wrong with that?

Papers today praised his head-on approach. WTH?! Just a while ago, they were saying he isn't a team player. Excuse me while I quote some comments that left a big impression on me, from the hell I had to endure prior to WC. "He's a solo kia. Whole day don't want to pass ball." Well, excuse me, what is your opinion now? Is it good or is it bad? And he does pass the ball. He gives plenty of assists. Besides, Man U's misfiring striker Rooney and Scotland captain Fletcher do get plenty of assists. Just ask them if they managed to convert. They are two of the reasons why my lifespan gets shortened each time I watch a match. Them and the entire Man U backline, excluding Vidic and Heinze.

People who are writing about his skill now, saying he could indeed be one of the best players in the world, where were you looking? All the while I had to endure taunts about his skill being only good to watch and not very useful, where the hell were you guys? Admitting he's good now? Let me tell you, he hasn't changed much since three years ago when he came onto the scene from Lisbon. In fact, I can still remember him in his green and white stripes. Yes, when they beat Man U 3-1. Where the hell were you guys then? Other than the marked decrease in ambitious stepovers, he's just the same. He hasn't changed, so you have no right to do an about-face and start acting like you've seen it right from the start.

I just hate it when people just follow what others say and can't see for themselves what talent is. I'm not saying I'm great but many times, I've been proved right. Dig up my old posts and you will see that I was like "Look at Aaron Lennon! I like him better than Walcott." and thanks, no one cared about me. Then came Walcott's failure and Lennon taking over Beckham and the whole world was saying the same thing. Thanks for supporting my take, man. Then was the whole Rooney-Ronaldo thing. Other than those who supported Ron over Roon because he was more handsome, I was pretty much the only one who stuck by him. It was hell, I'm telling you. It got so hard and I felt so hurt because I had to stand up against these critiques on my own. I don't know why but I felt personally insulted. It's such crap. Where were you guys then?!

And people who commented that van Nistelrooy scores goals because he's always at the right place at the right time. "KS kid" if I'm not wrong. Specifically, this was from our dear Zhiwen. They keep going on about Sir Alex being right about selling him. Thanks, man, look at all the goals he's scoring for them. I manage Man U in FIFA Manager and I'm telling you, this guy scores 5, 6 goals in a match. Ronaldo does too, lah. The faith I have in them... Anyway, I'm pretty sad about Ruud. All my favourite players further their careers in Real! Not fair. But, seriously, I'm counting on Ruud to fade off soon because his age is fast approaching retirement and strikers just don't make it if they're not young and speedy.

Okay, let me calm down now. My predictions were pretty off for the World Cup but recently my touch has returned. I think the way to get them right is not to say it out. Because it jinxes it. And recently, I've been predicting pretty bad results for my own team. I haven't got them wrong so far. My worries were all warranted. This teaches me that the next time I get a bad feeling, I'm gonna go predict the score and tell someone to put big bucks on it. Then maybe my devils will started winning games gloriously again. Alright, that's what I'm going to do.

And anyway, back to the crux of my ranting: Stop judging Ronaldo as and when you like already! All you people better go apologise to him! Just admit you were wrong about him instead of pretending you saw his talent since 2003. I'm telling you a 13 year old girl spotted it way before you did. (That was me, btw) Grr. Yeah. And may the devils keep winning.

Oh, and recent commentaries of Henry's stepovers and crosses from dead balls are sounding really like Ronaldo's. You commentator who did that in the Sheffield game, stop it! It's irritating. He ain't got Ronaldo's flair, alright. But oh well, Henry can have the stepover thing because Ronny's over that now. He's matured. :)

EXPOSED.

2006-09-24T03:47:00.000-07:00

I thought I was taking a break from blogging. Guess not. Still can't stop myself from slacking away. Probably just resigned to not being able to go for my first one month. This is such utter bullshit.

Suddenly not that enthusiastic about after O's activities. I don't know. I'm not that enthusiastic about having no one to call up if I wanna go shopping or out to play or anything. I don't know. With all the wet blankets suddenly deciding they don't wanna go to the prom and the not-so-exciting notions of the 4i chalet, I don't know. I don't see anything much to look forward to other than just being @$@#%@-ing done with the exams. Maybe I'll just stay home and rot away by my lonesome. And after I work and possibly get a large sum of money, I'll just let it sit in the bank. Unless I'm desperate enough to go shopping on my own, of course.

The jiemeis are going to Hong Kong. Most of them anyway. I can't go. I don't even have to try asking. One, I'm not half as rich as any of them. And my mother won't let me travel with my friends. And I bet my results will never be good enough to make her happy. My entire life is just like... CRAP. I have nothing going for me, man. What's this?!

Manchester United drew with Reading last night. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that they even managed to get a point. That and the equaliser was scored by Cristiano Ronaldo. It's depressing enough that I don't have anything going my way. Even thousands of miles away, my team can't win a match against a newly promoted team. Is my bad luck rubbing off on them even through the distance? I don't even know. The other teams won with comfortable margins that didn't reflect their struggle. It's not even fair.

And I've realised that my entire existence is indeed going to be as pathetic as it is now. It always will be. I'll forever be this small, unknown figure in this pathetic little world. I will never get rich, I will never be known for anything. I will never drive a car, I will never live in a big house. I'll be one of those people who can't get a boyfriend and have to go speed-dating at the age of 30 to find a husband. I'll take a bus to my stupid lousy job every day and suffer my entire life, only to retire in some studio apartment for the elderly. And at my fucking funeral, nobody will cry because I was just a fucking face in the crowd.

I don't know. Maybe somewhere along the way in my life, I'll really find someone who gives a fuck. I don't know if I'll ever do. Given the way heaven seems to make it a point to make sure my life is drenched in misery, I doubt I will ever get to enjoy life. I can't just blame my luck for everything. To the credit of whoever controls everything up there, I do get good days. Sometimes, my luck is good and I am happy. It can seem like my life is good sometimes. But after it all, the bad also amounts to way more than the good. These little tidbits are just to keep me going, to distract me from going up the highest building and just jumping the fuck down.

I can't help but detest my existence sometimes. It's not something I can help. Sometimes, I just need someone to be there. Someone to be sensitive to my feelings, to care about me, just care about how I feel when others around me do the most insensitive of things. Someone to recognise that I feel hurt and I get upset. That's hard to get. I've always whined about wanting someone like that but you see, that person has yet to appear.

Yes, there is a person in this world who doesn't have a best friend. Brilliant.

THE PHRASE THAT PAYS

2006-09-21T23:21:00.000-07:00

In the thick of prelims at this very moment!

This weekend is a breather. But I don't think I have a lot of time before I dive right into studying, studying, and studying. And did I mention studying? It's crazy. All my time is spent studying, even though pretty much nothing is absorbed... I'm trying, I really am! But why do I feel like I already know it all. And then at the exams, I seem to know nothing? Guess my studying methods are wrong..

I've been getting pretty scary nightmares. Really scary. My layered dreams again. HAHA. But they feel really, really real. I don't know. My brain must have been burnt out by all the studying. I hope.

Let me just be a little random here. I just saw a mosquito while I was bathing so I decided to try this anti-mozzie shower cream that has been there since I don't know when and it stinks. Made me smell like a walking Baygon spray can. If I smell like that every day, I'm sure I can keep away a lot more than mosquitoes. BLEAH. Eau deu Baygon, the hottest scent in town. :D Yeah, right.

Anyway, there's been another blogging scandal yet again. And the old one was dug up. Blogging's been getting old for me. I'm too lazy to update and when the rare urge to do so approaches, I have nothing to say. Like now. There's been calls to watch what we blog, so yeah. My blog is pretty much dead and I'm quite sure I haven't had much people to slam so I think I'm quite safe from the checking up of students' blogs. And anyway, I've been quite careful of killing people here. I know I'm pretty mean, but don't worry, if I don't like you, it's probably more in your face. If not, more behind your back. :D It's not something the whole world can discuss.

It's pretty true. You don't know who dislikes you. And hell, I know a lot of people don't like me. I never did perceive myself as a very popular or likeable person. Remember I was the target of a very vicious blog post? Yeah, I still remember. It still stings because sometimes when people say stuff about you, you start to reflect. Some people, anyway. Some people never do reflect, and that sucks. Anyway, there was a public apology but I wanna say I didn't bear a grudge against her. It's been long forgotten. It's not a big deal because there is no deal anymore. There wasn't really a need for an apology. I'm more the kind of person to look inside myself for answers and not out there. So, yeah. I wasn't even angry in the first place.

Anyway, my blog is hopefully safe lah. Because I'm not really intending to blog much from now to O's. I can't stop studying because I'm afraid I will lose my momentum! I don't want to forget everything I know again. Then I have to relearn it yet again and I think I might die. O's leh. Don't play play.

Blah. I really have nothing to say now. So... yeah. As long as I don't get caught and dragged away for questioning for some misintepreted comments, this blog stays. I really didn't do anything wrong! So I'm not going to shut it down. I'll be back after exams. So... DON'T CATCH ME LAH!

9 stupid things people do.

2006-09-13T23:18:00.000-07:00

9 STUPID THINGS THAT PEOPLE DO

#1. Some people point to their wrists when they ask for the time. I know where my watch is, thanks. Where's yours? I don't see people pointing to their crotch when they ask for directions to the toilet.

#2. Sometimes, people search all over the room to find where the remote is when they can simply walk over to the TV and change the channel manually.

#3. When people say, "You just want to have your cake and eat it too" in an accusing tone. Damn right I do. Why the hell would I want a cake when I can't eat it?

#4. When people say, "It's always the last place you look." DUH. Would you keep looking after you've found what you are looking for?

#5. When people say, "Did you see that?" when you're watching a movie. No, dude, I paid 10 bucks to come in here and stare at the damn floor.

#6. When people ask, "Can I ask you a question?" You didn't really leave me with a choice there, did you?

#7. Putting 'new and improved' labels on a product. How can something be improved if it's new? And how can it be new if there was something before it was improved?

#8. When people say, "Life is short." What the hell is that supposed to mean? Life is the longest thing you can do! Can you do anything that is longer than that?

#9. When people ask, "Is the bus here yet?" If the bus is here, do you think I'd be standing here?

ROCKSTAR.

2006-09-06T20:39:00.000-07:00

TOBY RAND ROCKS!

Seriously, he does. He's my Rockstar! Okay, a little explanation. I caught an episode of Rockstar:Supernova yesterday and consider me hooked. This is WAY better than any Idol show. Why didn't I discover it earlier? I watched one episode a while ago and it wasn't that good. Yesterday's was the top 5 so I guess the quality is way better.

Yesterday's episode required the rockers to do two songs, one from the song selection list and one original piece they had to write themselves. They worked with Gilby Clark, Supernova's guitarist, on the piece. He wasn't very impressed with Dilana, but Toby's proved to be pretty good. He really rocked the house down, man! Toby rocks! His song, Throw It Away, was just phenomenal. I'm hooked on that song. That, and Ladylike, Storm's original. Sadly, she was eliminated today. That's sad. I liked her a lot more than Dilana but oh well. Supernova gets to choose who they want as their lead singer. Dave Navarro was pretty impressed by Storm, though. He performed with her on David Bowie's Suffragette City, her cover piece. I love her stage presence.

I'm seriously addicted to Rockstar now. I skipped SI yesterday to watch the repeat telecast of Supernova and I'm going to skip the results show today to watch the repeat of the results show of Supernova. Next week, I won't get to watch it in the morning so too bad for SI. Supernova is so much better and I'm telling you, this is my kind of music! This is the kind of performance I want to see every week, not some half-assed performance by Jasmine or Joakim. The rockers on Rockstar really bring the house down with their performances. That kind of energy cannot be found on SI.

I keep watching the repeat performances of the week 10, which is this week's, performances. I skip Dilana and Magni, and go straight to Storm. Dave Navarro rocking with her really proves that she has what it takes to make it big. And who can forget a name like Storm Large? Dave calls her Stormy and Tommy Lee calls her Storm Triple Extra-Large. Storm is going to be a huge hit. :D They already agreed to be her backing band, with none other than Dave Navarro on guitar. HAHA.

Power-packed, man. What the what is ladylike, if the lady likes to do what the what she likes, just like you, yeah, just like you. This is female empowerment, right there. Storm, even though you won't be Supernova's frontwoman, you still ROCK. Like this guy, Ryan, I think, who was eliminated. He is currently holding the number one spot on some chart. That's achievement.

And Toby, I love Toby. It's in the EVS, man! Like hell I know what that is, but it works for him and that's what keeps me repeating his original video over and over! He got the encore because nobody could get enough of his o-oh-o-oh-o-oh. Toby's the man! And he won the Honda Elements SC. I'm very familiarised with that because the stupid advertisement keeps repeating when you watch the video clips. I hope to see Toby the frontman of Supernova, rocking out there with Gilby Clark, Jason Newstead and Tommy Lee as Supernova on the tour, along with The Panic Channel and the house band. Or is the House Band really their name? HAHAHA. Toby rocks!

I JUST DON'T NEED IT!
THIS CHEMICAL TREATMENT!
I'M THROWING IT ALL AWAY!
JUST THROW IT ALL AWAY!

BLACK IS MY HEART.

2006-08-28T02:28:00.000-07:00

Prelims have started officially today and here I am, on the computer instead of studying for my Chinese tmr when I got a shitty B3 for O's. I haven't even started any revision for any subject! WHY AM I NOT MOTIVATED TO STUDY?! WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY?!

Alright. Calm down. I'll get to my Chinese the moment I finish posting this. I swear. If not, I will never ever get to see Cristiano Ronaldo in person. AHHHHHH. Okay. I will study. Firstly, house-keeping matters.

As everyone around me knows, because I won't stop gloating about it, Manchester United are top of the table, with a perfect 3 wins out of 3 record. It's still early and my dastardly prediction can still happen. It's a horrible one, my prediction. I shan't say first. I don't want people to think I'm acting smart, but I've already stated my prediction for the placings. It's more a fear than a prediction, of course. Even before the first game, I already guessed Man Utd's placing for the next two seasons. LOL. Shh. Only Tinghao knows.

Oh, and Chelsea lost their second match. HAHAHA. That's so funny. Obviously, I had to snap photos of Man Utd topping the table for the first three games for posterity. Chelsea picked up a win at Blackburn yesterday but they're still behind and I haven't seen today's NP so I only have two tables. But they're beautiful. Check them out.

First game:

Second game:

Not very clear. Be patient. I'll get my 3.2 megapixel phone at the end of the year. HAHA. Alright. I won't talk so much about soccer. This ain't a soccer blog. I'll reserve my comments to discuss with fellow fanatics. :D I want Jamie Yeo's job, man. Gosh. I can do her job! I promise I'll research extra hard. LOL. One day you'll see me up there. ME! ME!

Next up is my beloved doggie. He's been the center of much attention recently, ever since his debut in the class 4 Integrity. He's cute, he's cuddly, and he has a purple mole. :( [He was in front of me and the accident happened...] He's also flat and he makes a good pillow! HAHA. That was his main purpose, actually. I found the tables very uncomfortable and not conducive for sleeping at all. Anyway, my dog has attracted so much attention people are touching him left right and center. And CKY has been trying to steal him from under my nose. LIKE HELL YOU CAN. :P He even made a cameo in the informal shot during photo-taking!

Here's the front view:

He's just so cute. Here's the top:

And get this, he's only THIS flat! :

He's too cute to resist. One day I might name him. For now, he's just My Dog. I can't believe I didn't appreciate this cutie. I had him for so long! It was a Christmas present, I think. Either Christmas or Birthday. If I remember correctly, it's from Li Peng. I'm sorry, I really can't remember... Too many soft toys!

Remember my recent discovery that I was a budding artist? Well, I found another like-minded artist! She's super lame but super funny. Whatever she says is funny, really. She just does the stupidest stuff. I have a lot of these weird people in my life! HAHAHA. Oh, she is a serial My Dog abuser. EVIL WOMAN. But anyway, her artwork. Yeah. She drew something really hilarious the other day and it wasn't half bad.

Here it is, Xue Ting's distortion of Mr Lim's million-dollar note:

Hilarious, eh? Here's a close up of the Statue of LIM-berty. HAHAHAHA:

Not bad, right? Really looks like Lim! He took it down the next day, of course. Said that that face made the million dollars become worthless. HAHAHA. But seriously, it was a good piece of work! She can sit by the roadside and offer to do portraits in the future. The likeness is amazing. HAHA. Unbelievable. I told you she does the stupidest stuff.

Alright, that's it. I'm in a pretty good mood, thus the light-hearted post. I'm laughing as I'm posting. That's a good sign. Even though I was rather suay today. Didn't write a very good essay for my prelim paper, then missed the 73. [That's a horrendous thing to happen, alright, especially when it leaves right in front of your face.] And then I met Denny Stephen at the bus stop, and he dragged me back to school to retrieve his pencil case. Who told him to leave it there anyway? And I'm kinda irritated because I have to go back to school tmr to do the stupid Chinese prelim when I'm supposed to get my a2 and have the day off. Curse that B3.

Okay, I better get going or I'll really never see my Ronaldo. Ciao.

Standing Strong and Wavering

2006-08-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

Life is crazy. Exams are nearing and basically, there isn't much room to breathe. Life is either tuition, extra lessons, or basically studying at home. I am always self-declaring to be a nerd but now, without really intending to, I have truly become one. I'm so tame nowadays. All I wanna do after school is go home and study. Well, the study part isn't always fulfilled but I'm working on that. Seriously, I can actually do this. I can study!

I'm freaked by the impending exams. Everytime I think about the coming prelims and O's, I get this immense feeling of doom. Prelims are gonna kill me, that's for sure. My first month may be spent school-less. I'll do with YJ, I swear. I won't be fussy or choosy.

English Oral was today. I think I did pretty okay. Not confident of beating MQ's alleged 15 out of 16 conversation mark, but definitely more than 30 out of 40 at the very least. The examiners seemed pretty satisfied and I actually think I speak well. I don't stammer, I don't use Singlish (in such official situations, at least) and I can use a wide (and accurate) range of vocabulary. I wasn't really nervous in the examination room. But my luck is rarely good and I shan't be overconfident. Every time I'm confident, I will be proven wrong. Seems like my life is all about getting disappointed. Complacency is not my privilege.

Another proof of my stellar linguistic skill is that I represented the class in the whole 1i debacle. It's a long story but basically, secondary ones are brats. Most of them anyway. I shan't discriminate on a large scale. At least, Mayflower Sec 1s are brats. They just constantly get on my nerves and I don't think twice about raising my voice at them. The sight of them just irritates me. I'm trying to change that, though. It is kinda hooligan-ish and that's not the image I want to project. Yes, I am actually nice most of the time.

Anyway, the whole thing is over. The entire staff room was just abuzz with talk about this issue and as expected, a lot of teachers don't agree with us. There are always teachers who prefer lower sec, and those who prefer the upper sec. Mostly, the young teachers go for the younger students. They just think we're "demanding", as I quote from a rather uncalled for comment from a teacher. Hello, as teachers, shouldn't you be more understanding about us getting angry with people THROWING OUR TEXTBOOKS AWAY? Seriously, get the story straight before gossiping about us. But they've apologised, we've forgiven, now it's time for the teachers to stop discriminating us as well. The school system just doesn't treat the older students very well. It may sound selfish but I feel graduating classes should be given priority because, to put it bluntly, we care about missing lessons unlike the other students. And to be pragmatic, Mayflower Sec's autonomous status actually lies in our hands.

And saying that we're over-reliant on our teachers? It's funny that this comment came from a teacher. And besides, if we're not reliant on our teachers, that makes our teachers useless, doesn't it? If we don't need teachers to do well, you're all out of a job. So it's kinda weird that you're saying that about us. What's more, it was said to 4a and they feel strongly about their teachers too. It's just unfair that we're being criticised for that.

I'm not flaming a teacher. Yeah I know it's an offence to. It's just a defence to something a teacher said about us. It's not very nice. And the issue is settled. We're the victims here, even though we're also at fault for abusing our authority as seniors. And also vandalising the tables. We cleaned up, anyway. We don't cause problems so great they can't be resolved. Unlike the textbook-throwing thing. But I've shaken hands with the 1i rep and the form teacher and it's case closed now. No more fighting or attempts by our boys to intimidate them. Yeah, it's all them. I'm not involved.

Today was a pretty good day, anyway. Quite happy about the day in general. But you know, there are always those stupid signs that warn me that it's only for today. Tomorrow won't be so good and for this one good day, I have to suffer months of bad days to make up for it. Yeah, that's my foul luck. I'm serious. The next few weeks, I'll miss buses, wait like hell for them, and get punished for being late. It's a common thing.

And as usual, there are some stuff that have popped out when I was just ready to focus completely on studying. I was actually revelling in having a very clean and free life, with enough free time to focus on my studies. HAR HAR. Yeah right, as if I will ever get peace. Just to ensure that I don't get a full good day, one ulterior motive and one passive "confession" appeared to really set me thinking. And when I think more than I usually do, it's not good. I'm paranoid, remember?

Hell, I'm the founder of STD. FOUNDER! I seriously am the last person who should break it. One of us almost did already and I, as the founding mother, waivered the whole penalty to let her go for what she wants because it will only make her unhappy if she has to hide it or reject him for the sake of us not finding out. As for me, it's a straight REJECT because I'm just not considering. It's gotta take a lot more than the two strike-outs today to change my mind.

First, I really hate people who lie to me. Hiding truth = lying. It's the same, man. Conning, cheating, it's just the same. I don't like ulterior motives either. It all adds up to dishonesty and I like people to be kinda straightforward. Not blunt, but just straightforward. Say what you want to say, don't make me guess, most of all, don't try to bluff me. Thankfully, today is supposed to be good day so... Things worked out fine. And I'd just like to say, Mr Lim is so right. Okay, I shall go to Mr Lim for relationship advice in the future. He's not just about Maths and Physics, alright?

Secondly, I don't like wimpy guys. Guys shouldn't run and hide. Call me traditional, but I still believe guys should always make the first move. Today's strike-out is because it came out of a friend's mouth. Not good. No denial also means silent agreement, so... yeah. I wasn't expecting that. And when it comes to such stuff, it's DIY only. I'm gonna quote Abhay's line, without the stupid accent. "Be a man. Do the right thing." I can't believe I'm saying this, but yeah, my resolve is swayed. The vibe is good, there is hope. We'll see. To pursue or not, it's not my choice. But on my part, no loss.

That's a NO and a MAYBE. But for today, every guy in my life is rejected. Even Chiang Chun Wei and his "I love you" and "Marry me" exclamations. For God's sake, you don't offer weeds for wedding proposals. Yes, that bloody "flower" was a weed. And you're not a "xiao cao". "za cao" maybe. Try it on someone else. I think it will work. I won't name names here but everyone knows who's got a crush on our childish chemist.

And we did softball for PE today so this phrase is just fitting. All of you struck out. CCW is way past three strikes but I'm forgiving and gracious. We only occasionally fight and we quarrel every day and I'm like, obliged to keep him on the field because he's no threat to my "heart problems". The rest are in danger. But hey, don't sweat it. I'm fine alone.

Peace.

ARTIST

2006-08-12T22:09:00.000-07:00

Having a 2.0 megapixel camera rocks my world! But of course, nothing can beat that 3.2 I'm holding out for. Until a better one appears on the market, of course. First of all, look at what I found at this toy shop at Heartland Mall.

I know it's blur and pretty much indecipherable, but that's what captions are for. :D It's a display of Manchester United action figures! The two in the picture are Ryan Giggs and Cristiano Ronaldo, complete with autographs on the box. Ronaldo's autograph is pretty weird.. But whatever he does, he can't be faulted for it 'cause I LOVE CRISTIANO RONALDO! And it's not for his looks only either. Yeah. That's the difference between me and every other girl who screams the same thing. Oh, that and my admiration for him way before the 2006 World Cup. That's a big difference.

Next, is the recent realisation that I have artistic talent. I really do! Not only on Mr Lim's whiteboard either. I'm serious. And I have proof! Look at my collage.

Cut and paste only what... BUT it takes creativity to arrange it well, okay? And it takes a good eye to spot really good photos in the junk magazines that I read. It's nice, right? Thanks. I use it on my file.

There. There's proof that I can draw. This is the product of a boring lesson at Mr Lim's. These don't happen often. Usually, boring only comes with MATH. But we're done with the syllabus and it's basically just practice now so these sudden spurts of artistic talent may be dormant for some time.

The top one is a shocked bun. You know, those cute little 'man tou' types. It's shocked. Yeah. Don't question why. It's art. The one below is The Deer Man. I derived inspiration from the Sugar, We're Going Down video, which doesn't make sense either. Fall Out Boy is tops when it comes to creativity. Closely followed by Panic! at the Disco, of course.

This one disputes my earlier claim that only Math lessons are boring. As you can see from the top, my canvas is actually meant for knowledge in the Physics area. I do pay attention in Physics, alright? It must have been drawn during one of the break times. It's a man lifting weights, followed by a lighter, then a spray can. There's no meaning to it. It's just art.

This speaks for itself. It's a line from Pink's Don't Let Me Get Me. It's really good. Pink is a great artiste. I really like this song.

This is really cute! Take a guess... Yeah, it's Pyro, from X-Men. I like him! Sadly, he didn't have a very big role in X-Men 3, even though he looked so much better in it than in X2. Did you see his hair? Man... I like the way the fire looks. So cool.

I wanna run away... In really cool boots. Preferably Prada or Christian Louboutin. (Which has really gorgeous satin laced wedges) This looks like the cover of some chick-lit book. And I love chick-lit. Maybe I can write one and design my own cover!

Finally, my favourite band, The Used. They're so great, especially my second husband, Quinn. He's possibly the cutest, most adorable adult male in the entire world. Stuart from those stupid youtube videos is a close contender. But Quinn isn't retarded like him. Now, THIS is a serious contender for one of my best drawings. It's so cute I can't believe I drew it. HAHAHAHA. But I did and I love it.

As you will notice, most of my masterpieces are actually stick figures. But that's okay. I'm fine with being a stick figure artist. They're cute and fuss-free. And sure, anyone can draw them, but can you draw them as nice as these? HAHAHA. Whatever. I failed Art in lower sec, so what makes you think I can be an actual artist? I'll let you guys know when I progress beyond stick figures.

Peace.

Last Words of the Fabulist

2006-08-11T04:41:00.000-07:00

The Last Words of the Fabulist
Cindy Yeo

I drive my own hearse
Witness my own funeral
All based on lies like we were
Hypocritical praise in my eulogy
Oh, the irony
They said my cold dead corpse was special
That it dared to live on the edge
But when I was alive they told me
I was throwing my life away and might as well be dead

Fucking hypocrisy
Don't say I'm useless
When you're just like me

And there were nights
I danced for our demise
Sharpened my nails to points
So I could rip my heart out
Pumping this poison through my veins
Can't stand for this infidelity
And I left roses on your grave
But they've all wilted, wilted

Saying things we don't mean
Lapsing into lies like day into night
Fucking mean it when you fucking say it
Wish you would think twice
Pull the trigger, I'll have my happy ending too
The priest he said
Here lies she who knew not love
He laid me to rest and my soul to fester

I think this is a good piece of work. One of my best. Please don't plagarise. That includes lifting lines from my composition. Originality makes a good writer, not the amount of big words you can come up with. I reserve all the rights to reproduce this piece of work and I won't take to it kindly if I see it anywhere else. Writing is the only thing I have left in this screwed up world. Don't take even that little luxury from me.

SUMMER SHUDDER.

2006-08-03T03:33:00.000-07:00

SUMMER SHUDDER
AFI

Listen when I say,
When I say it’s real.
Real life goes undefined,
Why must you be so missable?

Everything you take,
makes me more unreal.
Real lines are undefined,
how can this be so miserable?

Under the summer rain I burnt away
Under the summer rain (burn!) you turned away

Listen, I can't make,
make a sound or feel
Feel fine, I kissed the lies.
Why must they be so kissable?

Listen as I break,
break the fourth wall's seal.
Gorgeous eyes shine suicide, when will we be invisible?

Under the summer rain I burnt away
Under the summer rain (burn!) we burnt away
Under the summer rain I burnt away
Under the summer rain (burn!) you turned away

This is the fall, this is the long way down
And our lives look smaller now,
and our lives look so small.
(Let me hear you crying)

This is the fall, this is the long way down
And our lives look smaller now,
and our lives look so small.

Under the summer rain I burnt away
Under the summer rain (burn!) we burnt away

Under the summer rain I burnt away
Under the summer rain (burn!) we burnt away

Under the summer rain (burn!) I burnt away
Under the summer rain (burn!) you turned away

THE STARS THAT MYSTIFY.

2006-08-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

I'm learning to be self-sufficient. I really am. In the future, I shall try not to be bothered by people rejecting my invitations. Don't have to invite me out either. I'm going to reach for a higher level and not be affected by such silly stuff. I AM GOING TO ATTAIN NIRVANA.

Nah, I'm kidding about attaining Nirvana. I don't think I'm at that level of spirituality. At the moment, my level of spirituality is squat. But I'm really sick and tired of being so affected by friendships and stuff. It's stupid worrying about it all when nobody else is, isn't it? Sometimes, it's wiser to just let go. And I have learnt some painful lessons about letting go. It turns out for the better. Most times. It's just not worth it. Prelims are less than a month away. If I don't want to have the first month off next year, I have a long way to go. I really want to enter a JC, even if it's Yishun. I already see my future there, as a matter of fact. Oh well. What can we do but face up to reality?

Self-sufficiency is really something I want to achieve, though. I'm basically going to cut myself off. This is just a warning so you people don't go wondering what's wrong with me this time. I'm just so tired of it all. Hello, everyone. We are the Great Pretenders. Nothing's right. I wish it wouldn't come so naturally to fake a smile and pretend that we're fine.

I guess it's my complacency. Thinking I had a lot of friends. Oh well. All of them are leaving me at the same time now. The irony is, the okay-okay friends are fine. All my best friends aren't. I wonder why. You know the theory about the cup never being the same after you break it? It's glued back, but the job is so sloppy that the handle is falling off and stuff. The cracks can't be seen on the outside but you feel it when you drink from the cup. It's just not the same. Silly me, thinking years later without considering if I could hold on to all my friends past this year. I've learnt my lesson now.

I don't know. It just feels stupid that I'm crying so much this past month it's more than I've ever cried my entire life. Not counting the days I was a baby, of course. I probably cried every single day. This isn't so bad. Yeah, I still tell myself that things aren't so bad. I'm shocking myself with this optimism I never knew I had, really. I literally cried myself to sleep last night but this morning, I got my thinking sorted out. I'm more mature than I thought really. Stronger too. I never thought I'd survive on my own but I seem to be doing fine. Pretending, of course. That's what I do best.

It took my bestest friend of all to shatter my mirage and show me just how bad everything was. Unknowingly, of course, but he made me realise that I've really, truly lost all my close friends.

Last night, Denny pulled a last-minute rejection on me. It's something that has been happening a lot, I realise now. I was angry with him, of course. It's always easy to be angry with him. I just took him for granted totally. I'm ashamed of myself for treating him like that. I was cleaning out my closet when I found the card he gave me for my birthday this year. I just felt like, truly, we've lost contact this year. So I decided to call him up and we decided on a movie today. But in the end, plans fell through. I don't know. Maybe I'm just hurt that nobody has time for me anymore. But truly, is it really his fault? I'm just such a disgusting person. I abandoned him and didn't make time for him after I started dating. After each horrible experience, he was always there to help me recover. Where the hell do you find such a good friend? He waited for me each time I was late, he paid for me whenever I was broke, and he travelled all the way to Simei when I was working to deliver MacDonalds to me because there wasn't a MacDonald's there. I feel like such an ass for not appreciating him until he actually pushed me away. Now, I really truly discover that even Denny, my most loyal friend and my fan club president, has drifted away from me. How am I going to find another friend like that? If I don't even have Denny as one of my best friends now, I wonder who I have left. Maybe I'm better off alone.

I just feel so stupid, like I'm grasping at straws. I never made time for my friends. I took them for granted. Now, they're all walking away at the same time. They all have someone else they'd rather be with. I have nothing left. Whose fault but my own? There are still people I can regularly talk crap with but there is nobody I can pour my heart out to now. NOBODY. That's how pathetic I am.

There was the debacle with Garene where she was slagging me off. At that moment, I felt so protected. Like everyone was on my side. Why don't I get that feeling now? Maybe she was right. Maybe everyone hated me but they didn't dare to do anything about it. Or they thought they couldn't. Now, everyone realises I'm down and out. Everything I have is a facade. They've realised it now. They don't have to pretend to be nice to me anymore. But still, many people are still nice to me. We talk crap together, sure. We laugh and I'm still the same in class, talking loudly and crapping with Hafiz. But are things really the same? I don't even know. Every time someone whispers to another person, I think they're talking about me. I'm just hurt and confused to the point of paranoia. How many friends do I really have that are willing to sacrifice for me like how I'm willing to for my good friends? I don't even know.

I'm just so afraid of losing some of you, do you know that? I bet the ones that should know don't. I'm really just so afraid of losing you guys, the ones I thought were closest to my heart. But now I see that's something I really can't control. What do I have to do to get you guys back? I don't know how I have to change. I don't know what's wrong or why you're all drifting away from me now. I just don't know.

I don't understand why I'm so pathetic now. I used to pride myself on being able to put up walls and shields to protect myself. Acting tough was my forte. But each time someone walks away from me, a chink in my armour appears. First, it was Lennon. I didn't even cry then, but I was affected by it. Then there were other stuff that really made me break down and cry. Am I really so detestable that people can't stand being around me? Is aloof really how I appear to people? It's not by choice, you know? I want to be loved too, for who I am. Why is who I am too beneath people?

I never ever cried in school, my three and a half years in Mayflower. But just the other day, when I thought Yuhui was mad at me, I just sat under Keene's table and I cried like a stupid weakling in some Korean drama. That's not who I want to be. I didn't know I had it in me, that amount of tears. They just kept falling and I just kept wiping them away, afraid someone would see me. I succeeded. Nobody even knew I was in the class. I was talking to Mr Lim at that time, telling him I didn't want to go for tuition anymore, trying to control myself so he couldn't tell I was crying from my voice. I couldn't talk for most of that conversation. But now, I'm making this confession here. This is how weak I've become. Now, can I beg you people to stop hurting me? I'm pathetic. Laugh at me behind my back. But please, stop treating me like crap. I don't care if you ignore me. Just let me be.

Crying is a sign of weakness. That's what I always said. But as each friendship disintegrated, I cried. Losing a boyfriend is truly different from losing a good friend. With the former, you know you'll find someone better. With the latter, you know it will never happen. God, it hurts so much.

Enough about my whining. I still remember my place. People don't have time to care about me. I don't have the right to go around telling people how I feel. But do you know how hard it is to suppress everything and smile? Of course you don't. You're not the one who has to do it. I am. You can write off everything I said as me being overdramatic. But all the break-ups in the world combined aren't going to amount to this hurt that only you can inflict on me.

What You Want Me To

2006-07-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

This is something I wrote today. A song! If only I can actually play my rusty guitar.

WHAT YOU WANT ME TO

verse 1:
She's pushed away
She's overlooked
Nobody cares
She's an open book
They think they know
Just how she feels
They see her moving
But she's standing still

pre-chorus:
She's pretending she's okay
But how can she pretend
When they're all
Walking away, away

chorus:
If you want me to, I'll go
If you hate me, let me know
I'll know when I'm not needed
Don't leave me out in the cold
Don't need your sympathy, no
I'll know when I'm not wanted

verse 2:
She's not worth the
Time of the day
They're got more important things
She shouldn't stay
Everyone's got someone
Why is she still here?
Can't she see that
She's better of dead?

pre-chorus
chorus

bridge:
This feeling's getting stale
How do I find life's purpose
When it doesn't even exist?
It's one less complication
Just one less insignificant
Rejected time and again
I'm better off dead
I'll go, I'll go

chorus

If you want me to, I'll go
I'll go
I'll go

It's kinda a mix of feelings I've been feeling these few days. I'm not suicidal yet, for those who care. At this moment, I'm still feeling rebellious enough to say "Bring it. I can survive on my own." Even if the world has no time for me now, I don't really care. It hurts to realise that I have a lot less friends than I thought I had but I really should think for myself more. There's only so many unreturned, unappreciated sacrifices I can make without killing myself off. Right now, I'm still defiant. When I can't take it, I'll let everyone know.

HAHA. This part is for Sugi, who I haven't talked to for a long time. Who knows? Maybe you still remember who I am and just happened to drop by to see my new composition. I got the pre-chorus and bridge thing right this time, ehh? Sadly, I didn't really bother to get the syllables equal in each line. It's pretty close lah. Can just sing faster and it will still fit. And the bridge, don't need. Because the bridge is more like a stanza for the writer to say what they really feel in a not-so-poetic way. Forget about rhyming and stuff. Yeah. I'm improving in song-writing skills!

And of course, I want to appeal to people not to steal or copy lah. Even though the world is full of copycats. Don't say my work is not worth copying. It's kinda hurting. You think it's easy, you try lah.

On a lighter note, I can not only write. I'm quite a good draw-er. On Mr. Lim's whiteboard only. HEHE. Look at my masterpieces, shot by Ryan's phone. And then I forced him to upload them and send them to me. Don't worry. When I get my 3.2 megapixel phone, I'll do it all myself. :D There's actually 3, but I messed up one of them while resizing and Ryan is not online now. Coincidentally, that drawing actually includes Ryan's name. HAHAHA. I'll put it up another time. For now, feast your eyes one these two cuties.

END OF DAYS.

2006-07-10T04:38:00.000-07:00

It's Italy's Cup. It's seriously written in the stars, like Ms Faridah's commentator said. They get into the finals at 12-year intervals. The last time, they didn't win, but they made no mistake this time. Ruihan insists that the 12-year thing is not going to continue because they're going to win another in 4 years. Yeah right.

I'm actually quite glad it's over. It's been quite a horrible Cup for me after the group stages. It went downhill from Portugal vs Netherlands and it never picked itself up again. At least I managed to catch enough glimpses of Christian Wilhelmsson and Fernando Torres before Sweden and Spain were kicked out. (Spain's departure was definitely a shock one) They make really good eye candy. But I'll refrain from judging players by looks because that's an issue I'm able to tackle next.

The biggest reason why I was looking forward to the end of the Cup is that HOPEFULLY the non-fans will stop going on about what they don't know, namely the entire sport called soccer. I do understand why boys are constantly going on and on about the girls not getting it when it comes to soccer. Of course, I have one leg on the girls' side because SOME girls do get it. However, this World Cup had me feeling as annoyed as the boys, maybe even more annoyed, because I totally get how they feel. Actually, it's how I feel. Some girls really have to stop it!

STOP!!!

I'm not being a bitch here. Okay, maybe I am but I have the right to be! I'm speaking up for the entire population of football fans before this hyped up Germany 2006 Cup. I have proof that I'm not the only one who feels strongly about this. I got a strong agreement today! I'm so glad I have a reason to voice this out. Hopefully, everyone knows themselves enough to back off and leave the soccer alone till the next World Cup. That's all we can bear, seriously. It almost killed me, tolerating all the shit from people who seriously don't know shit. You've got to stop regurgitating what you read from the journos and passing it off as your own knowledge because some of us actually read the papers and know what the journos write. Even what you hear from the commentators aren't always right.

This World Cup does have it's perks, though. It helps us soccer fans bond. It's kinda like some of us automatically click together and form this force field around us and we discuss the matches among ourselves. Those who have no place with us, we know it, and don't you think about getting past this force field. I know many people are unhappy with what I'm saying here but this is seriously one of my pet peeves, fakers and copycats. We know everyone wants to experience a little of the World Cup magic. Now it's over, tata! You can go back to leaving us soccer fans alone. Don't attempt to join us, seriously. With things like that, you either start young or forget about starting.

I'll explain my irritating (and irritated) behaviour. Let's say this is kinda 'your thing' and someone starts coming in and taking it as their thing too. It's extremely irritating. Let's do real life examples. It's like going up to David Beckham and saying, "Do you know how it feels like when you score a free kick?" I'm not exaggerating. It feels like that to us. We are offended, most of us. We'll do an even more real life example. It's like going up to Angeline and saying your one and only ambition in life is to be a pilot, even though you know she's wanted to be a pilot for ages and you only got the idea yesterday when you saw how cool the planes were in the National Day rehearsal. And you start telling her facts about planes that she ALREADY KNOWS! Tell me she won't get pissed. I don't believe. How about if you go up to Elaine and tell her you listened to Jay Chou's one song yesterday and you fell in love with him. Then you start telling her about Jay Chou's life story like you know a fuckload more than her. I think she'll punch you. I know Jiemeis can relate to this. You guys are the only ones who read my blog. Actually, Elaine does. (But that's because she's the president of the blogging club) Occasionally, Xuelin and Joanna do. HAHA.

So all those people reading this, even those who are not the Jiemeis. I know you people read without tagging. Don't think I don't know. If you recognise that you're not originally part of the WE LOVE SOCCER gang, it's time to pack up and stop commenting. Serious. Some of you don't know how stupid you sound and I seriously don't have the heart to tell you. Plus, it's so rude and you'll hate me. Mostly, I prefer to keep quiet. So get the hint right here. We don't like it. Especially the boys. They think the girls don't get it. Pack it up already. You can stop HEART-ing Kaka, Totti, Lampard, Beckham and whoever because they're handsome and stuff. (You're missing out on Wilhelmsson, Torres, and Podolski, but hey, you probably don't know who they are.) Just stop it because it's irritating and annoying and just shallow.

Now I defend myself. You can list some boys you know who don't give a flying fuck about the girls getting involved. Some are actually amused by the girls screaming and stuff. And some think it's cute when the girls say "I'm Mrs Kaka" (Like you even know his full name. Don't go google it. I dont really care. You answer to yourself. Oh, for the even denser, Kaka's not even his real name.) or ask stupid questions about football. But let me tell you, the majority of us, both boys and girls are extremely irritated. And it's not only the girls who do such stuff, yeah? Boys, too. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you get The Beautiful Game. It only makes you more disgusting. One, you look sissy. Then by trying to get in on the discussion, you're a disgusting poser. Either ways, you lose. At least the girls can get away with it because most girls are already considered annoyances already. (I DON'T AGREE WITH THIS. Though some girls are really @#$%^&*!) Proof, I know someone who wrote a whole Friendster bulletin about this. I replied to it, disputing what he said. Now I totally understand. A Straits Times writer did this too. He attacked girls in general but hey, we're on the same side here. I just need to correct the "all girls don't get soccer" thing. I think I know more than some guys, please. So there. I'm not the only one who can't stand this.

I hope all those not-originally-soccer-fans-before-Germany-o6 people will drop it. Seriously, DROP IT. Now that the Cup's over, I don't have to pull my hair out trying to be a little more fucking tolerant. And everyone, soccer fans or not, stop attacking Cristiano Ronaldo already. He's not the only casualty. People can stop criticising Ronaldinho, Lampard, Beckham, whoever. Okay, I was critical of Lampard. That's because he had no problem scoring for Chelsea and I'm bitter. And Ronaldo IS overweight. Of course, I stopped criticising him after he did a Flying Fatman and scored 15 goals. Ronaldinho's statue was burnt. Seriously, what the hell? You fucking hypocrites were hailing them as legends and heroes when they were in their peak. Now that they fail to impress, you treat them like public enemies? What the hell is this? I pity football players for needing to deal with this shit. Is it their fucking fault you lost your fucking money? THEN DON'T FUCKING BET SO MUCH!

England fans are really hooligans. I totally understand why FIFA wanted to protect Germany against English fans. What happened to the British stereotype of nice, sweet people drinking tea and having scones? None of that in the stadiums and even along the streets. Total bullshit. And it's not just the English fans. Everyone around the world, letting tabloids and newspaper journos shape what you think. Have your own mind, for fuck's sake. Burning effigies, jeering them, it's such uncivilised behaviour. Puts a dent on The Beautiful Game.

I don't care if I'm the only one standing by Cristiano Ronaldo. I'm gonna do it. Have all you people forgotten that football players are human? I'm not denying he did something wrong. He didn't get Rooney the red card. He was wrong for having the intention, but he FUCKING DIDN'T. I tell you who did, Rooney got Rooney the red card. The Argentinian referee gave it to him. All you hypocrites, I don't know if you even know what's it with England and the Argentinian curse. If you don't, just shut up because I don't consider you good enough to comment about this. It wasn't even supposed to be a red card. The stomp on Carvalho was accidental. It should have been a yellow for pushing Ronaldo. And if you think Ronaldo orchestrated the whole thing, thanks for thinking he's such a scheming genius. He should go be a mafia boss. And the referee ought to be hanged for listening to Ronaldo, right? THANK THE STARS YOU IDIOTS ARE NOT MAKING THE DECISIONS.

You people forgot to give him credit for scoring the winning penalty. You people forgot to give him credit for almost winning the Young Player of the tournament, losing only to Podolski, who scored 3 goals. You are the same people who were wowed by him when he appeared for Manchester United, the exciting new Portuguese winger. You are the same people who gasped at his price, then saw him deliver more than he cost. And you are the same people who now say you hate him. Pardon me for calling you people hypocrites. I'm wrong. You are honourable men and women. For the people who never thought much of him in the first place, I have nothing to say. I'm just showing my disappointment with the people who used to stand alongside him.

Don't ask me "You still support him after what he did?" I'll support him even if he went up and bit Rooney. Even though he may probably need to be put in an asylum after that. I'll support him even if he goes to Real Madrid. That just makes my two favourite players together in one place. And they both came from the same place too, and played the same position, wearing the same jersey. I won't stop supporting Manchester United, of course. I did fine with Beckham, didn't I?

I just need some sensitivity. Because I'm the only one facing all this flak about my favourite young player, it has turned into something personal. I feel hurt when you guys curse him, insult him. It's like your fury is directed at me. I can't explain this. It just hurts. I just feel so sorry for this young player. But I only hope he can make it through. It may be hard, with the English hooligans booing him, probably throwing stuff at him. Some fuckers have already broke into his place, broke his windows, and damaged his front door. Damn you people to hell. But David Beckham did it after 1998, when people were burning effigies of him and sending him death threats. He held on, won the treble with United in 1999, and people loved him again. I'm not encouraging these fair-weather fuckers, but it's better than him being hated. He can make it through, just like Beckham did, even though he's still young and may find it hard. Of course I hope he won't leave but if he really can't handle it, I'll just resign to it. I'll be fine after crying it out like how I reacted when Beckham left for Madrid. Who knows, maybe I'll switch of La Liga. After all, Torres is in Athletico Madrid. Bring Wilhelmsson from Anderlecht and it'll be perfect.

My point is, just stop it. I feel like I need to take a break from all this soccer scandals now. The last thing I need is for people to come screaming in my ear about stuff I don't want to hear, especially from people who don't know shit. At least for now, people will stop coming up to me and asking me questions I don't want to answer, like "who do you think will win tonight?" If soccer is so predictable, roles would be reversed and you people would be watching it. The people who are being asked this question will switch to another sport and we'll be together in a bunch again, alienating you guys. So for now, stop everything, okay? Criticisms, reflections, match reviews, CUT. I'll deal with this shit when I want to.

SKELETONS.

2006-07-02T01:18:00.000-07:00

We had Youth Day celebrations on Friday. It was hilarious, to say the least. The teachers cheated us, saying that it was compulsory for graduating classes to put up and item. The sec 5s didn’t put up anything at all. We only got the news on Monday and we didn’t do anything about it until Thursday. We wanted to sing Graduation at first, but I’m so glad it didn’t happen. It wouldn’t have been better than what we had today. HAHAHAHA.

Some of the girls decided we could do ‘Under The Sea’. You know, the Little Mermaid song? Super cute! The only line of the song the whole class knew was “Under the sea, under the sea.” Annie and Serena made cutout fishes and everyone could hold one. We pasted the lyrics behind the fishes but I think it was rather useless. No one really sang.

The rehearsal was horrendous. We screwed up like hell because everyone, the “fishes” ran around and everyone ran backstage. Li Yong, Chunwei and Kwangyong were supposed to be the actors. They had some parts to play. But they ran backstage too and the whole stage was empty. It was utterly embarrassing. Mr. Lam was so angry I think he was considering not letting us perform. But we got off the stage, reorganized, and I think we did a fairly good job. I was so proud of our class spirit. Everyone remembered to bring the class tee, even some people we didn’t think would cooperate. The performance itself was a blur. It went well, I think. The highlight was definitely Li Yong jumping out from the “fishes”. People were laughing like crazy. Yeah, that’s our star. :D

He broke the fork, but that’s beside the point. LOL.

I went for lunch with Yuhui and Yenju after school at Mac. I remember it as the most filling lunch I ever had. Seriously. We were walking around bloated after that, even though we ordered two meals for three people. Maybe upsizing wasn’t the best idea.

Went with my mum to Taka for her massage after dropping by home to take a shower. Cheapskate mum. Some people from True Spa called her up offering her a free massage. She said it’s because she shopped at Taka and I think she won a lucky draw or something. I think it is because she’s spent obscene amounts of money there and they think she’s some rich tai-tai who frequents spas. They tried to talk her into signing up for a membership but can you imagine paying $3900 for a spa membership? Only a true tai-tai can afford that. Obviously, she took the free massage and said I was in a rush and we had to go. Yeah, make me the scapegoat. She enjoyed the massage, though. She says she’ll definitely go back there but no on that membership. She’s crazy to actually be willing to pay over $100 for a massage. For the promotional period, which ended on Friday, half an hour for a back massage cost $68. Only the back. HALF AN HOUR.

The spa was nice. It was really very high class, very posh. Definitely someplace tai-tais go to. Hopefully I’ll be able to indulge in such things in the future. But the people there were pretty arrogant. What’s with this world that only rich people get respect huh? It’s so fucked up.

There were live bands performing around Orchard Road that day. It was pretty cool. The music wasn’t half bad. The one performing outside Orchard MRT, though, was pretty inarticulate. There’s a lot more to rock music than screaming nonsense that no one understands, you know?

Went to Priscilla’s party after that. Was pretty late but I guess I didn’t really miss much. Some people left pretty early. I went upstairs to put my stuff with Priscilla and Chartchai. I met her sisters. Very mature-looking. Just like her. HAHA. The three of them really remind me of Duck and her sisters. I shan’t comment on why I said that. But Duck and her sisters are definitely not mature-looking. :X

Hung around for a while in between the two pools with Winnie, Atikah, Zhiwen and Chunwei. By that time, everyone was still dry. HAHA. Some of the guys were playing mahjong and I went to join. Actually, I just demanded “Winner out” and slotted myself in. They were sabo-ing Chartchai and he was clueless to it. Tinghao won, anyway, and I took his place. Chartchai made way for a very clueless Eden, who needed Zhiming’s guidance. I won both the rounds we played after that! The first round was pretty peaceful even though people already started getting wet. I think Chartchai was the first lucky victim. Tinghao followed pretty much around the same time. But the mahjong table was undisturbed until the second round. People started throwing water bombs around us. But we maintained the peace, though a little wet. Then Yenju came and directly attacked Kwangyong.

Let’s make this clear. Before that incident happened, CKY already made it clear to all the boys: Yenju is his. Nobody was allowed to throw her into the pool except him. And he did that. I won again and the table dispersed with the chaos. Nobody paid in the end though. But I won about two bucks for Tinghao. Wasn’t bad. We were playing ten-cent games.

I declared truce with Zhiwen. Violence is not the answer! But he’s a betrayer. He’s not my best friend anymore! I was INNOCENTLY playing cards with some of the girls when dear Mr. Zhiwen, who told me “PEACE” came and poured his pail of water down my back. Talk about backstabbing. And he ran into the male toilets. Grr.

And after that I was really innocent. I just stood around with the other refugees. I was half-dry. But as you know, I have such very good friends, very, very good ones. Dear beloved Yuhui and Chunwei used their combined effort to literally drag me, then push me into the pool. Amazing. They seldom cooperate to such successful effect.

I was pretty much loner-ing around after that. People were disappearing, running away from potential bullies who enjoyed throwing people into the water. I didn’t really have anyone to sit down and laugh with. Bearing in mind my mood was bordering on PMS-ism. I just hung around by myself, eating. I thought eating was a very safe thing to do. As did Darren Mok and Mr. Chng. Both of them were unfortunate victims. And also, I very sadly lost the earrings that Naqiah gave me. The first time I wore them too. Oh well.

I went to sit by myself in the dark. The lounge chairs in between the two pools were empty. I think people noticed my loneliness. I’m glad that people did, but I wasn’t very pleased with their method of dealing with it. It was quite a comical scene. A group of half-naked guys walking in a straight line, down this runway-like thing. Sadly, none of them looked like models. It would have been a much more pleasant sight. Jon Jonsson… Sigh. If he were the one walking towards me like that, I would have gladly thrown myself at him and begged him to throw me down the water.

Okay, reality was, he wasn’t part of the motley crew with ill intentions towards me. And he didn’t show any ill intentions the last and only time I saw him. In fact, he smiled, put his hand on my shoulder, and gamely posed for a picture with me. HAHAHAHA. What a brilliant memory.

But this bunch of people weren’t about to pose for a photo with me. God, why did you bless me with such GOOD friends? “Ehh, Cindy, very boring hor?” Yes, indeed, it was. But I all but screamed “No, it isn’t.” and held onto the chair for dear life. Of course, there are always geniuses like Li Yong who said, “Throw the whole chair in” and of course, I ran for my dear life. Thanks to my agile limbs and my quick reflexes. HAHAHAHA. But as I said, there are geniuses, so they chased. My ex best friend Mr. Teo and my number one irritant, Mr. Chiang. I grabbed Huimin after I realized I couldn’t outrun them, but obviously it didn’t help. I was lifted up by my limbs like a pig going to the spit and swung three times before they let me drop into the deepest part of the pool. And then they jumped into to save me. Okay, very clever. WEIRD. But it’s okay, they performed this lifeguard thing for everyone because they were worried someone will drown. HAHA. Our boys displaying Mayflower’s care values.

Before the end of the night, I was pushed in another time by dear Li Yong. Even though he pushed the blame to Zhiwen, who happens to be my ex best friend, I trust that he wasn’t the one. HAHA. He asked me if I’d rather believe him or Li Yong. I didn’t have an answer for that. Seriously, neither could be trusted.

There was cake cutting. The cake was humongous. People were encouraging Chartchai to kiss Priscilla and he did, just a slight peck on the cheek, which clever photographer Yuhui caught on film. That’s one of the horrors of dating someone in your school or circle of friends. Remind me of that the next time I say I want someone closer to me. Or just remind me of the too-close. HAHA. And Yuhui also caught photos of Chartchai’s brother. That crazy woman was so fascinated by him. Of course, a lot of girls were fascinated by him. Even boys. Chunwei wondered out loud why his brother was so much better looking than Chartchai. HAHA. Sad life. He brought his brother over and his limelight got stolen. Winnie and I rounded on him immediately when he arrived, for all the rudeness we endured when Priscilla’s grandma was grilling us about Priscilla’s whereabouts twenty times a day. It’s a long story, anyway. Let’s just say he hung up on us a couple of times and it definitely wasn’t bad reception. Anyway, I still don’t know his name.

Came home after that. Was quite an anti-climax to the otherwise quite fun night. That’s okay, though. Came home to watch Germany vs Argentina. Was okay. Kind of boring. Ended on penalties, victory going to the Germans. They were my pick for champions but now I’m thinking Scolari’s Portugal can pull off a miracle. Italy beat Ukraine easily, but I’m thinking it’s Italy packing when they meet Germany.

There’s been many miracles last night. For one, Portugal beat England on penalties. I wasn’t surprised that they won the shootout. It was obvious that if it went to penalties, England would be thrashed. That’s why I was utterly furious with Eriksson’s tactics. I saw him as defending instead of attacking, sort of holding out for the penalties. What did he think, that England could actually beat Portugal at their own game? Remember Euro 2004, you senile old man? Was he counting on an epic revenge win? Please. The whole horror of the match only highlighted how important Rooney was and how useless Eriksson was. His tactics were stifling a very talented team. Good individual players put together just couldn’t work. Do I have to remind you of that horror tag team that is Ferdinand and Terry? Ferdinand defended superbly towards the end, but it just wasn’t good enough and the two of them were crying after the loss. I can only imagine Rooney in the dressing room, watching. If he’s repentant, he could have been crying. Maybe he was swearing.

What a waste. Weeks of speculating, of struggling to get fit for the campaign, only to end because of a second of impetuousness. He really should control his temper. It was truly unnecessary to push Ronaldo. But I thought a red card was too harsh. The referee woke me up and reminded me why I hated Argentina. England’s jinx. They always fall at the hands of an Argentinean. For his credit, Ronaldo performed really well. Portugal weren’t fantastic, but he was. I don’t know whether I should be happy. For the second week in a row, I watched a favourite eliminate another. At the end of it, I was so proud of Ronaldo but I was praying for him not to score that last penalty. Obviously he scored, and he’s still my favourite player next to Beckham but I felt really sore and empty after that. It was just heart-wrenching. I couldn’t feel happy for the winner… I couldn’t sleep after that either, so I stayed and waited the one hour till Brazil’s match. I promptly fell asleep after kick-off, though. As I always do.

The next miracle is, France actually beat Brazil. Now if that isn’t headline material, I don’t know what is. France received a lot of flak for starting horribly but I guess I sort of saw it coming. After France beat a fully on-form Spain, I don’t know what they can’t do. I actually had this image of France beating Brazil 1-0 on penalties in my half-asleep mind. Imagine Brazil missing five penalties. That would be even crazier. Hey, don’t count me in with the surprised and shocked majority. Though I believed in Brazil, I did mention that it was possible for France to pull off a victory. Now is my I-told-you-so moment. HAHAHA. I didn’t see the Portugal win coming until the 80th minute of play, though. They got me there. I thought it would be better off for England to meet France. But in the end, it was a Portugal vs France instead of an epic England vs Brazil. Wow.

But recover from the shock, yeah? As Mingde said, the ball is round. Who knows? You can hold me accountable for saying that Italy’s out the next round. It’s Germany vs Portugal, I think, but don’t count France out yet. I wouldn’t know until I see them play. Haven’t had the chance to yet. And @#$%^&*! Eriksson, irresponsible and not caring because it’s McLaren’s deal now. ARGH. Get Scolari on the England job now!

RANDOM SHIT.

2006-06-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

Suffering from extreme fatigue these days. World Cup matches ain't so good for early mornings or lessons. Eyebags.... =.=

I'm too tired to think about another match right now. For now, I'll just concentrate on England-Portugal for the weekend. Anything else, count me out. When's the Argentina-Germany though? I'm too tired to think. But I'm blogging because I haven't done so in a long time. Shit. I'm letting the a maths hw pile up again. But I'm really not up for integration right now. Perhaps I'll ask for help tmr. I'm incapable of doing maths alone. T.T

My mum's brother and his family is here again. It is horrible because they have this BRATTY son. He's a total brat. I don't know why but my mum's relatives tend to have REALLY REALLY bratty boys. This is not the only @#$%^&*! cousin I have that I absolutely can't stand. I'm serious. You haven't seen a brat until you see my cousins, I swear. It's that bad. And people wonder why I hate kids.

Chinese Oral for O's is coming up. I'm taking it on the 10th, which is next, next Monday. A bit later than others, but I seriously wonder if it's a good thing. Because that would be the day after the WC finals, which I will most definitely CRAWL MY WAY TO THE TV to catch at 3 in the freakin' morning. Wonder if I will still be able to talk.

Some stuff going on recently... Priscilla's party on Friday. Youth Day on Monday. (YES A HOLIDAY!) Hopefully I'll get some shopping in on a day out with Mummy dearest. Oh, most definitely catching Superman. Brandon Routh is seriously hot. Though his promo shots weren't that great. Oh well. He's hot in a suit.

Freaked about CL Oral. My Chinese seriously sucks. I can't speak fluently in it at all. During this oral practice, me and Yuyan were trying to translate each other's sentences into Chinese. Yeah English is more our thing I guess. It's hard to convey really good ideas in Chinese! And last week, I was wondering what is condensed milk in Chinese. My mum had an answer! But it sounds too cheem to say to the auntie at the kopitiam, doesn't it? All I wanted was to ask her to put more condensed milk into the milk tea because it wasn't sweet enough. So I ended up saying "niu nai" instead, which is what my mum suggested as a practical solution. But that actually translates to the kind of milk that you drink. Oh well. No need to use cheem words with kopitiam aunties I guess. Witness my new obsession, man. My new favourite drink: kopitiam milk tea aka "teh peng". Back to the heartland, baby. Low class is the new high class. So says me anyway. But then again, I'm the girl who thinks Tupperware bottles are going to be in fashion so ignore me. :D

Had a really emotional talk with Xuelin today. More than a couple of times, I actually felt like crying. Life hasn't been a bed of roses to me. Or maybe it is. The thorns are drawing blood. I think it's time to assess who are my friends and who are not. Sixteen years of existence, I think now's the right time. Sixteen is really the age of raging hormones and insane mood swings. One moment you're fine, the next you're just depressed. I guess I really need to take a look around and sort my life out before I collapse. Emotional stress is draining. You can lose friends over silly things. A row, a guy, whatever. But I swear I won't lose a friend over a guy. No. Now I realise there's no question, no doubt. Especially for jiemeis. No guy can be more important than a girlfriend. Got my priorities sorted out. There's no forever in relationships now so I guess it's wiser to just take things easy, not get too serious too soon. We're still young, man. :D Pragmatism is one of the best points of the Singapore government. It's one of the main factors for good governance.

Now I'm beat. That's it. A good start. Elaine's losing presidency of her club! Peace. ^^V

WC AGAIN.

2006-06-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

Just an update, even though I think nobody needs an update. The World Cup is hot stuff. Everyone is watching it. Usual fans, fair-weather fans, not-usually-fans... Everyone. I'm usually quite snippy about that but since it's the World Cup, I guess everyone deserves to catch the fever and I shan't comment much as long as the not-usually-fans don't comment too much on what they don't know. I'll control myself. :D

Lately, the hot matches would be the England one, the Argentina one and the Netherlands one. Oh, and the Portugal one that just ended five minutes ago. I know nobody needs an update but I think I have the right to give a short commentary on each match. People who know me should know I can't shut up about soccer.

Firstly, England vs Trinidad and Tobago. The last ten minutes, England showed signs of being England. The first 80 odds minutes, they were just lost sheep. No doubt Rooney's entrance at 60plus minutes helped a lot. From the 20th minute, he was already warming up. Probably wants to scare the opposition. Seriously, Rooney running up and down the sidelines is a pretty scary sight. He couldn't wait to get into the action and everyone knew it. Though he didn't do much when he was subbed in, his presence was felt. He did show some determination in trying to get the ball, but he's just not match fit yet. Give him a little time. Rooney will be back.

Owen has been playing like shit recently. People say he's not match fit but from what I see, every other person who says that must be copying someone else. I don't just see Owen not being match fit. I see him playing like a total amateur. Who the hell plays like that? Even T and T players don't throw chances away like that. Even kids in the youth academies don't do that. One of the goals he missed was such a glaring error I'm extremely disturbed. Is it me or is he doing it on purpose? We all know about Owen's gambling habits... Crouch scored, though. But he didn't dance. Glad he's finally contributing.

Gerrard and Lampard aren't delivering. Beckham has been doing his part. I'm not saying that because I'm a diehard fan of his. He really did contribute. He ran after balls, put in his signature crosses, and dashed back to cover the defence when Terry and Ferdinand were off slacking around and trying to get some of the limelight. (Terry did a good job by clearing a ball that almost got in, though. Heart attack moment.) Trust me, if you watch La Liga, you will see that Beckham is usually a bag of lazybones and he doesn't make it a habit to run after balls. Lampard had a million and one-actually, 7- chances, which he threw away. How is it he can deliver all these great goals for Chelsea and not for his country at the WORLD CUP of all places? And Gerrard, though people hail him as a hero for his goal, he was anonymous until said goal. Over 80 minutes of invisibility is rather disturbing.

Of course, Rooney's recently healed metatersal is still widely talked about, even though it's fine now. They're now discussing if he'll start the next match. Everyone seems to think he will. I don't know about that. Sir Alex might have a lot to say on that issue. Then they're discussing who to drop in place of Rooney. Cole? Crouch? Owen? I would say outright, Owen because they way he's playing, he'd lose to a bunch of six-year-olds at a playground derby. But of course the journos in the papers make sense. They get paid for their comments. Cole could be dropped for his slack performance. Crouch could be dropped so they can change their tactics and not play high-balls so often. They say it's too predictable. I say Crouch doesn't take advantage of his height. They say Owen is short, that's why he can't play by that strategy, that's why Crouch might be dropped so they can change their play to suit Owen's. Obviously, Crouch can't play speed like Owen.

I'm glad the young players made a difference. I need to gloat about this now. When everyone was going on with all that hype about Walcott, I did say that he's not that great. He's just there as a desperate attempt to fill up Rooney's gap. There was a England reserves friendly where Aaron Lennon scored and I felt he was a pretty promising player. Nobody gave a hoot about me when I said Lennon and Downing are better than Walcott and Walcott should go... you know, stuff it. Now Lennon and Downing have impressed and Walcott is stuffing it, everyone's saying what I said a couple of weeks ago. I'm tempted to do a little jig and say I TOLD YOU SO.

That's a lot on England. Oh well, they're my team this WC. Argentina are looking very promising too. 6-0. That's a serious ass-whooping of Serbia and Montenegro. To think Netherlands laboured to a 1-0 win over the same team. But no, I don't think Argentina are going to win the World Cup now, so stop it. SHH. A lot of people bullshit too much. Czech beat US 3-0 and they became "serious contenders". Then Spain beat Ukraine 4-0 and they became "the team to beat". Now Argentina decimates Serbia 6-0 and people start putting all their money on Argentina lifting the trophy. Nah, people calm down. Football isn't that simple. Don't lose your last cent because of that.

There's so much hype about Cambiasso's goal. Included 24 passes, blah blah blah. As if Heinze had expected it when he started the pass. It wasn't some miracle or the work of genius. Counting the passes was just unnecessary. It was a good goal, though. I wasn't really watching the match. I got sick after 3-0. But the goals just kept coming. I don't see the big deal about that, really. Serbia aren't a good team. Wonder where's that journo who predicted Serbia to make it through to the next round ahead of Netherlands hiding now. Argentina did make Netherlands seem like a team of noobs, though. The next Group C match will be something to watch. I'm just glad Messi scored because he's the only Argentina player I'm keeping my eye on. He'll impress, I'm telling everyone now. Oh, I'm watching out for Heinze too. Because he's a Manchester United player and he was injured for most of the season so I couldn't see him play.

Then Netherlands. Also, not much to make a big fuss about. I just wanna get in the face of all those van Nistelrooy critics. He scored, okay? It was clearly his goal. He got the ball, dodged a defender, went one-on-one with the keeper, and he scored. That's it. Teo Zhiwen called him a ks kid and the "ks" wasn't a very polite one. This goal can show him. That's all. Netherlands still didn't play like a good enough team. Ivory Coast is a sad team. It's really the wrong group to be in because they almost scored so many times. I have an extreme dislike for Drogba, but overall, the team played pretty well. If they were in another team, let's say Group A, they probably will get to go through. Nice try, though. There's still the next one.

Finally, Portugal vs Iran. Where do I start? Oh, Portugal played like shit. Seriously, they did. They just keep playing like a bad team. At least England managed to find their form with Rooney and the youngsters. Portugal, wow. I don't know what to say. If not for Ronaldo, I wouldn't be supporting them. They're just disappointing. I predicted at least 3 goals scored today, in Portugal's favour. I thought Iran would be an easy team to get past. Sadly, Portugal didn't find it that way. I let Mr Lim down... I did make a very accurate prediction, though. I boldly proclaimed that Ronaldo would score today, and he did. I love him so much. He didn't let me down today. Pardon me while I go kiss my poster of him on my wall right now. Technically, it wasn't my poster, but who cares? It's mine now.

Deco impressed, that's for sure. Glad he chose Portugal over Brazil. More room for his star to shine. And he helped others to shine too. He scored what could be the goal of the whole World Cup. It was crazy. So far out, almost hit the post, just turned at the very last, very precise moment. A work of art.Portugal waited till after 80 minutes to score but they managed to clinch a 2-0. Almost 3-0, thanks to Ronaldo but the @#$%^&*! linesman had to raise his flag with mere seconds to go. Ronaldo scored a great penalty before that. I almost had a heart attack, but I'm glad he made it. He didn't play very well either, though. Lost the ball way too many times. And Portugal are such drama queens. Ronaldo didn't play a very clean game.

Feeling a renewed surge of passion for Manchester United. I bought the bag. I'm a Red Devil fan and that bag tells the world just that. I can't wear my cap to school, the badge on my pencil case is tiny, and I won't bring my keychain for fear of scratching it. But now, I have the super bag. It's beautiful and it's durable, and it's comfortable. Worth the sacrifices and the @#$%^&! amount of money it cost. Probably my most expensive but most worth-it investment yet. Unlike the World Cup collectibles, I can carry it anytime because club football is forever. World Cup is once every four years. After July 9, all the bags and whatever, everything will be passé. Mine will not be! MUAHAHHAHA.

LONG LIVE THE RED DEVILS. LONG LIVE FOOTBALL. AND LONG LIVE THE WOMEN'S WORLD. :D

STUPID BOYS.

2006-06-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

SO ANGRY !

I sacrificed my sleep to watch France vs Switzerland and Brazil vs Croatia last night. Both were highly anticipated matches for different reasons. Let's go into France first.

The reason why it's a highly-anticipated match is because its international SUPERSTARS came out of retirement to lead France to glory before stepping down. Their one last hurrah. But what happened? They started like they want a repeat of last World Cup. For those who need a reminder, France scored ZERO goals and went out the first stage four years ago in Japan/Korea even though they were DEFENDING CHAMPIONS. This time, they're not defending so maybe they think they have an excuse to play like that.

Full time, France 0 - Switzerland 0. Please lah. At least a 1-0 would have been better. France already under performed beyond the other underperforming teams. With Zidane, Thuram, Vieira, Henry, Ribery etc. among the big names, how the hell do you get a draw against a team with no superstar? None that particularly stand out to me as capable of stopping the French anyway. Where's the class? Where's the goals? I'm going to say sth really LC now... HENRY YOU SHOOT BIRD AH ?!

Zidane failed to impress like Figo. Vieira shows what an utter suay-kia he is. Arsenal failing to make it in Europe the years he's captained them. The moment he goes, they reach the Champions League final. He goes to Juventus and they're almost relegated for charges of match-fixing. Italian League really not very honest, ehh? I turned off the TV after about 60 minutes of boring football.

I was hoping to save my attention for Brazil. If anyone asked me, I would have said that 4 goals would easily be scored in the match. 4-0, 3-1... Who the hell expected Brazil to disapppint me like all the other teams I was counting on for some joga bonito? That means "beautiful football", by the way and who else but the Brazilians themselves coined this term?! Kaka scored the only goal. That was the one guy who didn't disappoint me. And he was cute too. Sadly, for all the ladies drooling over him, he's married. Yes, he married young. Sad. He's a model for Armani Jeans. Hot, isn't he?

Ronaldinho didn't have anything to show for his effort. I'm sure he tried hard. Don't worry. I'm sure he will score the next match. He's cute too. Not in a good-looking way. He seriously looks weird. When he retires, he can sign up for the next Star Wars movie. They can redo the whole franchise. They wouldn't need an animated Jar Jar Binks anymore. Jokes aside, he's really a good player. He deserves all the awards that Henry has been taking. He almost came to Manchester United but sadly he fancied Barcelona more.

That makes England, Portugal, Netherlands, Brazil and France that have utterly disappointed me. And France only have 1 point. Germany scored a lot of goals so it wasn't boring but they seriously didn't play well either. There's going to be a lot of upsets in this WC if they carry on like this. I had to depend on Czech Republic and Australia to give me decent football. Czech beat USA soundly with 3 goals to none and Australia were the miracle team. Japan led 1-0 from way before half-time to about 84 minutes, then Australia started scoring and within the next 9 minutes, they scored 3 goals. Poor Japan. They lost because of their lack of stamina.

Spain and Ukraine tonight. Please stop with the boring football. I'm going to start crying and begging now.

FOOTBALL PLANET.

2006-06-11T20:31:00.000-07:00

World Cup has finally kicked off. The madness has officially begun. The opening night, had a few friends over. We "thon" through the night, as some organisms might say. :D I slept like half an hour, 6am to about 6.30am. Then I collapsed during tuition.HAHA.

This kinda WC party quite fun leh. Defnitely will do it again. I turned down one last night. A bunch of them stranded. Sad life eh, no WC to watch. But I really couldn't take it. Not enough rest to last another night yet. And my mum was mahjong-ing last night.

Apparently my house not very accessible. Everyone gets lost. People who come before not only once also get lost. Ruihan has good sense of direction. Very good. But he was very late because the rest told him the wrong way. Lucky he smart know how to take 76. He and Sam came only at half-time.

I need to dedicate a paragraph to Yuhui best friend. He is really an idiot. Once he came the entertainment start liao. He said some very stupid things about soccer that made everyone laugh like hell. He really don't watch soccer. And he really play veryveryvery lame games. Some cartoon thingy jumping around. Looks crayon-drawn and animated to move ard nia. Graphics sucked like hell. But he play until so happy. WTH.

Mahjong was quite fun. I wasn't the big loser! Still got Zhiwen. Play for MacDonald delivery. Really quite fun. Though the guy was late and didn't give us enough straw or any of the sauce we ask for. Dou and Tinghao really cheat de lor. Dou sit beside Tinghao always feed him good tiles de. Lousy Tinghao always give me useless tiles. When I change place, he started throwing out all the tiles I wanted and I couldn't have them! And Dou started giving me lousy tiles also. WTH. No luck.

Makes me think of the chalet with my jiemeis. Was so fun to have someone peep at my tiles so they know what to feed me. WAHHAHAHAHA. Add another criteria to fishing liao. Must know how to play mahjong and must let me win! HAHAHA. This paragraph is meant for Elaine to understand. haha.

To Germany's credit, it was a very entertaining opening match. They were just lucky that Costa Rica were a very horrible team. Germany played like crap. No creative spark in attack due to absence of captain Ballack. No defence to speak of whatsoever. Lehmann isn't that great a keeper either. The only reason why it was entertaining was because there were a lot of goals. Germany really need to reflect.

England vs Paraguay was even worse. That was one of the most boring matches I ever watched. Crouch is a big joke. I pity him, but he just isn't performing up to expectation. You're replacing Rooney, you should at least put up a decent performance. He got himself carded. Imagine, one striker injured, one not match-fit, one more suspended. Walcott will get his first start, man. He's the inexperienced, just-not-good-enough young striker. He's really not as good as people say he is. He's just an average player. Stuart Downing and Aaron Lennon are good. They deserve more of the hype than Walcott does. Downing displayed the speed that neither Owen nor Crouch showed. Experienced players really tend to slack off.

Netherlands vs Serbia & Montenegro wasn't a match wasted. Though it also ended 1-0, I saw good football. The Dutch had speed and they actually run for the ball during through passes. England players were too lazy to run after the ball. Serbia were good. I understand why journos thought Serbia and Argentina would make it and Netherlands wouldn't. But I still think it's Netherlands and Argentina. Serbia put up a good fight, though. If England were their opposition, they would get whipped. I don't understand this phenomenon. There is always a gap between Terry and Ferdinand. Two of the best defenders in the world and they have no chemistry. That's sad.

Another irritating 1-0 was Portugal and Angola. I expected Portugal to show me beautiful football. I was utterly disappointed. They couldn't even pass properly. WTH? My favourites are all disappointing me. Pauleta scored early and the scoring ended. Same as all the 1-0 matches. Open early, then cut. I fell asleep after half-time. Truly disappointing. To think I got up at 3am to watch this shit. The first goal shocked me, though. The assist was truly truly good. This Portuguese guy suddenly had a burst of speed like lightning, got past this defender really close to him and crossed beautifully for Pauleta to score. I was thinking, WOW, who's this quick guy? He's Luis Figo. What's he doing with that amazing pace at his age? All the young guys should be ashamed of themselves. He was so fast! The only other guy to show speed that rivalled Figo's was Cristiano Ronaldo, who I woke up to watch. The refereeing was crap. Ronaldo kept getting hacked down and the ref did nothing. If Figo was so much as nudged, the foul was given. Respect for Figo and none for Ronaldo? Lousy ref. Simao showed great effort too. But Portugal were just not good enough.

So disappointed in all these bigshot teams. I guess the only one team I can turn to for beautiful football is Brazil. I refuse to be a Brazil supporter because that's what every other non-supporter is supporting. Does that make sense? But Brazil's class in undeniable. I openly support Brazil's beach soccer but not in the WC. It's disgusting because it makes me seem like a person who doesn't know about football. I won't go down that path, nono. But they really are a good team. I hope they can give me the excitement that I'm not feeling. I looked forward to this WC for so long but it has only been disappointing. I will wake up at 3am again to catch Italy, then Brazil the following day. Please don't let Italy be crap too.

Okay, while the world is football crazy, I believe there's a limit. Has anyone seen the new Crazy Frog thing? They've done We Are The Champions, a classic by Queen, and utterly destroyed it. Can someone shoot the damned frog?! Stupid ding-ding and the stupid video. It's about football. In the video, there's this part where the frog creature wears a jersey with the name Annoying and number 1. He's really the number 1 most annoying thing in the world. He should be banned. Someone start a petition, PLEASE.

JUST AN UPDATE.

2006-06-02T05:49:00.000-07:00

I'M NOT DEAD. I just took a little break. I'm very much alive. Thank you. And Elaine is not great. Neither is she pretty. She's just beside me making a lot noise. HAHA. She said I'm a sucker. I disagree. She say I have no right to disagree. I have. This is very lame.

Let's list out Elaine's great qualities. Wait. She don't have. Actually have. Just very few. But have.

Slacked around with Elaine today. Slacked at ps then slacked at my house. This is very true. You can cross reference with Elaine's blog. We slacked the whole day. :DD But we did a lot of changing blogskins. We have beautiful blogs now. x)

One more week to World Cup. Excited like hell ! Very soon, there will be 24 hours of WC coverage. Anytime you turn on the TV, you can see football. What a fascinating thing.

We were very broke today. We ate at a food court ! We are cheapskate. It's a good skill to learn. Everybody should come and learn from us. Maybe one year down the road I'll save enough to buy my bag.

I'd like to dispute what CCW said about me and yenju disrupting the class. Bingo does not disrupt the class. Do you not understand that it is a game that is played among a small group of people? We don't make a lot of noise. And we only do it after Mr Chng finish teaching. We aren't so rude to talk while he's teaching. I have been listening ok. Unlike some people. Accuse others of playing mind games. You're the underhanded one.

Desperately in need of shopping trip. Need my mum to answer the desperate plea ! SOS ! But I'm totally a nerd now.. I do all my homework. I turn down invitations to go out so I can do my homework. This is a very rare phenomenon that occurs only in the vicinity of life-threatening examinations like prelims and O's. Maths may not have been my best friend as I have claimed time and again. This time, though, I shall force it to be my friend. Force is utterly necessary.

Okay, I really have nothing to say. Just trying to make a long post. I have a nice song to recommend, though. If I Were You by Hoobastank. peace.

DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE (I'M SORRY)

2006-05-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

Don't Love You No More (I'm Sorry)
Craig David

For all the years that I've known you, baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold
(didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
So why you giving me the cold shoulder now
Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl
(tell me)
Ok I know I was late again
I made you mad and then it's throwing the pan
But why are you making this drag on so long
(i wanna know) I'm sick and tired of this silly games
(silly games)
Don't figure that I'm the only one here to blame
It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

I know that I made a few mistakes
But never thought that things would turn out this way
Cause I'm missing something now that your gone
(I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you inner state
(inner state)
Giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

Don't say those words it's so hard
They turn my whole world upside down
Girl you caught me completely off guard
On the night you said to me
I just don't love you more.

Nice song! Totally addictive. Craig David rocks. This is a song that took me quite long to prepare for before I could listen. HAHA. I remember Xuelin recommending it to me but I balked at the title. Of course, the very mature me has been able to appreciate it now. HAHA. Have been able to for quite long. Recently then discovered that it's really a nice song. And it's about the girl breaking his heart, not him breaking the girl's, so it's absolutely fine with me. Kinda like my shilian song, So Sick. Love songs still rock. :D

DANCE FREAK.

2006-05-11T21:01:00.000-07:00

I'm so utterly in the holiday mood. That's sad, because the clock's ticking away till the O Level Chinese examination and I haven't progressed past a B4 for Chinese this entire year, while the band 4 students are doing fine. What's wrong, man? Better start reading Chinese papers. The Chinese practice with Elaine and Chengting worked! I scored a 32 out of 40 for my prelim oral! HAHA.

The whole week was like holiday week. Except the part where I got horrible results for mid-years. Pathetic, man. My L1R5 is 24. Thank you. ITE opens its doors for me. Can't even go to a polytechnic because I failed my maths. It's okay. I can go ITE with Sam. Best friend de best friend. Can't believe I got A2 for English! I hate the person responsible for that. Totally biased against our class and towards another class. It's fine. O Level markers will have brains and not be stumped by a student's use of vocab and flashback.

Yesterday was Chee Kwang Yong's birthday. They went to play pool at Toa Payoh. I let him be handsome just for one day. He says he's not a pervert. He thinks he's loving. He also says he's a dog. I agree. HAHA. Went all the way up to the pool place to give him a birthday card yesterday. He said he was leaving, so I went there before tuition. In the end, he was so ungrateful and he made me miss my tuition for nothing! STUPID PERVERT. Yeah, everyone left without me. Wonder why when I said I was coming! Okay, that's fine. They wouldn't have appreciated having me in the class while they were doing A Maths. RV is supposed to be extremely difficult, I heard. I would have slowed them down. So I guess it's okay I wasn't there. Watching the guys play pool was extremely funny, anyway.

Bunch of people were there. Priscilla and I were spectators. Apparently, they're not very popular. Probably always fail to pay money after they play. HAHA. They can play never-ending games. A lady came in to chase them out. HAHA. Some people were going to train, I think. Decided to explore the arcade. It's small, but damn fun, okay? And you pay by 20-cent coins. Usually, games are about 40 cents. Which is freaking cheap.

Clement thrashed Liyong at Daytona. By 2 whole laps. HAHA. Priscilla beat him too. Sad life, yeah? A guy who can't drive. And he's of legal age to take up driving lessons. Since December last year. HAHA. He's the only one among us. He also lost in the Marvel vs Capcom game against Zhenliang. I saw him lose twice. But I'm quite sure there were more I didn't witness.

Priscilla and I were quite adventurous. And House of the Dead rocks. Also, I suck at the eye-hand coordination thing. To think I thought I have fast human reaction time. Must be spending too much time with people like Angeline, Elaine and Chengting. Priscilla is very fast. HAHA.

We tried this Dance Freak game. Which is a hilarious name because it basically involves only hand movements. There are sensors and you have to sweep your hand within the laser beams according to the little circle on the screen. Kinda like Dance Dance Revolution, with hands. It's absolutely impossible to do it alone unless you're a goddamn pro. So me and Priscilla cheated. We took one side each, two people to one person's game. But we were good, okay? HAHA. We could clear 5-star difficulty! And the songs were nice. HAHA. The boys decided to challenge us. Four against two, and they still lost anyway. Sad life. You don't compete with girls on the rhythm thing. HAHA. It's really a good training for your sense of rhythm. Imagine six people desperately moving their hands around at a machine. It's hilarious. And so fun.

There was a little boy and his maid inside the small arcade room. And the little boy was so fascinated with Zhenliang. Tinghao kept telling him not to play with the little boy in case he followed Zhenliang home. HAHA. Do I sense a fellow kid-disliker? I hate kids. I'm sorry, but I do. It sounds bad, but I'm still nice. I just can't stand obnoxious, screaming kids. :D

Went to Pizza Hut with Priscilla after that. The coupons have a lot of hidden conditions! Beware before using. You have to order at least $12 or a pizza before you use the coupon for something else. We came up to $11.95. Thankfully, the waitress was nice enough to give it to us. We sat there and waited for about 45 minutes. I think they didn't see our order or something. Priscilla decided to ask about our order and I was doing some extremely stupid stuff like sticking my head out of the booth and lying on the chair. It's so private, can? The back of the chairs are so tall nobody can see what you're doing. Until they walk past lah...

There was a rather cute waiter. Shit, I'm turning into Elaine's perception of me and finding Malays rather attractive. HAHA. It's okay, I still like Chinese boys. HAHA. Priscilla asked him about our order and he went to ask in the kitchen about it. I really think they didn't see our order. He apologised and we got a dish of about six drumlets, complimentary. I think the whole world heard Priscilla say "Wo yao er si le!" HAHA.

So now I owe Priscilla ten bucks. HAHA. She took a cab home and brought the drumlets we couldn't finish back to her maid. HAHA. And sadly, of course, it started to rain when I was waiting for the bus. And by the the time I got on the bus, it was positively pouring. That's okay. I brought my BIG PINK UMBRELLA. And I made it home in one piece.

Holiday today! Need to do something. No money to shop! Got a shopping trip with Priscilla that I'm currently a bit too sick to be going on. And the weather doesn't seem to agree with me leaving the house. I have a sad life.

DEFEND YOUR TURF.

2006-05-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

Went for the NOKIA DEFEND YOUR TURF street soccer event at Sentosa yesterday with Priscilla, Winnie, Zhiwen, Tinghao, Ruihan, Hafiz and Ah Dou. Pathetic number of people, yes. MR TEO is a very lousy planner.

Was late for tuition in the morning. Didn't spend a long time there either. Oh well. Managed to learn how to solve a vectors question with two methods though. Officially slacking. Wasted a Sunday. But the Saturday was good. WAHAHHAHA.

Ah Dou was late. Hafiz and I were already late in the first place. Saw Tinghao along the way, so we waited with him for Ah Dou. He was so late we didn't really wait for him in the end. Met him at Harbourfront.

Digressing here: Milk is good for strong teeth and bones. It will help me gain that extra 4.5 cm to become like one of the girls from Brazil. HAHA.

We were late for the event, but no matter. Didn't miss the Boys From Brazil, that's what mattered. Was mostly just Singapore players and the final was at 7pm. But we managed to catch a glimpse of the BOYS ! The main reason why I wanted to go was to see HOT BRAZILIAN GUYS and I got what I wanted! HAHA.

Should have taken a photo with the team, but oh well. We got Marcelo and that's all that matters! He's a totally hot guy and everyone knows it. All the Boys have nicknames and his is "THE PRINCE". He's totally charming. Sadly, the hot Brazilian guys didn't understand English. At least Marcelo understood when I said "photo". Priscilla and I took a photo with him! Ruihan took for us. He was like, "Take liao. Want some more?" So I told him to take more. Anyway, if anyone manages to see the photo, which is my MSN display pic and my Friendster primary pic, HIS HANDS WERE AROUND OUR WAISTS. Marcelo is hot.

I was on such a high that I could have gone home because the photo made the $3 I paid for the entrance totally worth it. Thankfully, we didn't. The Brazilian football at night was great!

We went exploring around Sentosa. They were sitting outside the players' area and Zhiwen wanted to find a McDonald's. The boys were complaining that only me and Priscilla got our money's worth because we got to take a shot with Marcelo. But they didn't want to pose with the Brazilian models. HAHA. They said the girls from Brazil were my kind. Tall and skinny. 4.5cm more I can really be their kind le. And they thought it was sad because they would be shorter than the models. HAHA.

We took the buses and the trams around. Really got our money's worth yesterday. Travelled around circling from one end to another on the trams, man. There's no Mac on Sentosa, so we went hunting for the BK at the Ferry Terminal instead. Stopover at 7-11 and Hafiz totally cheated my money. Had to treat him to a $2.20 ice cream just for carrying my bag. EXTORTION.

Wanted to go see a 3D movie at the theater. But the queue was freaking long and there was no way I was going to queue for it and miss Marcelo, so we went for the Ferry Terminal. Stupid Zhiwen, who brought us along to find his BK, didn't even order food. Tinghao and Priscilla did, though. She ordered all the side orders. HAHA.

Stopped outside the Ferry Terminal, where there was a park. There were fountains and stuff. The water cooler makes sounds ! There was a clock tower. And stupid Hafiz took photos of himself. If not for him, we would have space for the shot of Marcelo when he posed SHIRTLESS with us ! HAFIZ SUCKS!

After that, I had to rush everyone back to Siloso to catch Marcelo. We did stop to take a photo at the SILOSO thingy, though. Were just in time to see the Boys From Brazil go against the Toa Payoh Rangers, winners of the earlier competition. Can't remember what was the other team. That is all insignificant because the Boys From Brazil won both matches. Brazilian football is beautiful. Their tricks and everything were just amazing to watch.

Earlier competitions at Ngee Ann City unearthed the Singapore Street Soccer champions, Team Vanuatu. They were in two teams, the under-20s and the under-23s. The under-20's won! Brazil won the other three, but not by much. Along the lines of 3-1. Malaysia's champion street soccer players were thrashed 13-0!

Priscilla and I squeezed right to the front. HAHA. I separated these two Malay guys, who were standing side by side. One of them were hilarious. Didn't get his name, sadly. He was quite amazed by us squeezing right to the front. He told us we were good. HAHA. He was rather animated. When the ball flew out for a corner, this Brazilian player, Michael was waiting for the ball. He didn't see the new ball put on the spot for him, so the guy waved at him and told him, "Michael, here." like they were friends. I asked him if Michael was his friend and he said, yeah, they were classmates. HAHA.

He was yelling and talking to Diegol, another Boy from Brazil too. He said they took their license together. WOW. haha.

Most important thing was, we all cheered when Singapore won the u-20. Diegol missed a penalty to make it 1-1. They went on to penalties, where he missed another and Singapore scored to win it. The atmosphere was great. Though I bet most of us, like me, went there for the Brazilian guys, we were all supporting our own team and the cheering when Singapore scored was just crazy. We were waving like crazy at the camera, Priscilla, me and our good friend.

There were some theatrics and foul play, of course. Diegol knelt in front of us and prayed when he scored a goal. The u-23's number 2 player threw sand over Diegol's shoulder and he paused a moment before rolling over and pretending the guy had thrown sand into his eyes. 02 shook his hand anyway when Diegol confronted him. Probably didn't understand each other. Malay and Portuguese don't sound alike at all.

The u-23 was rough. Priscilla heard one of the guys shouting at his teammate to kick a Brazilian's face. Not a good way to entertain our Brazilian guests. Marcelo got a bit of the action. We were taking photos of him and stuff. Basically, I was there to watch him. HAHA. He kicked the u-20's number 7 quite hard. His yell of pain wasn't faked, yeah. I could hear the kick. It was right in front of me! This guy elbowed him in the jaw when they were jumping up for a high ball. Marcelo may be short, but he jumps damn high, man! He's so hot, with his Cristiano-like earrings, which are what drew me to him. HAHA. It's taboo to hit his handsome face! He was shouting at the guy, but the Iceberg Vauginho (something like that) guy held him back.

After the matches were over, Zhiwen went to ask for another photo with Marcelo. I gladly followed and took another, along with Winnie. HAHA. It was spoilt by the camera flash beside us so Marcelo's shirtless body and half his face was unclear. ARGH ! He probably didn't recognise that it was the second time I was asking for a photo with him, thankfully. He would have thought I was a stalker. But I almost was. I didn't want to go home! I wanted to stay for the Samba party, then follow him home. HAHA. Zhiwen shook his hand and told him it was a nice game. He probably understood that. It was a great game.

We took the tram again. Saw Sidney, one of the Boys from Brazil walking from behind the players' area to the toilets. Some of us waved to him and said bye. I wanted to jump into their tent! Pretend that it was accidental while some of them are stripping or something. HAHA. Steal Marcelo's earrings! We saw him give his shirt to some guy in the audience, and Zhiwen said I should have asked for his shorts. Right. Then he would really think I'm mental.

THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL ROCK. MARCELO IS TRULY HOT.

The tram ride was truly funny. This guy jumped on. His three friends were running after the tram and I cheered them on. But then, they gave up and the guy on the tram jumped off, STRAIGHT INTO THE BUSHES. Such a poor thing... Must have hurt. But it was hilarious. Really comical. The tram driver was funny. He was like, "Please do not jump on or jump off the moving tram. You can see from the earlier example..." and "You can go HDB and jump. Sentosa will not be responsible for any injury." Damn funny.

We went to say bye to the driver and I told him it was an entertaining ride. Really was. HAHA.

Waited kinda long for the bus to the Visitor Departure. Zhiwen and Winnie were chatting with the driver about the DEFEND YOUR TURF event. Priscilla and I were listening to her mp4. It was a bumpy ride. Tinghao fell onto Ah Dou, who fell onto a guy sitting down. So funny. I held onto Hafiz's shoulder the whole ride and I think he almost died from sore muscles.

The queue at the departure was really crazy, so we decided to walk. It was a long walk! We had to walk through this really dark tunnel and a group of Malay guys, one of which got Sidney's shirt, were making stupid sounds to scare us. Someone stepped on a dried palm branch and the sound was like a snake. Some people screamed, but it was too dark to see who. It's not me or the Malay guys because somehow I had fallen back with them. Could be anyone of our boys. HAHA.

The walk was crazy. Was really a relief to see the MRT sign. We took the MRT back. Half of us went off at Dhoby Ghaut. Hafiz and Ah Dou stopped at Serangoon. Me and Winnie went off at Hougang. Crazy, tiring day. I had sooooo much fun!

Came home to the Election results. PAP retained all seats, SDA retained their Potong Pasir consituency, and WP retained Hougang. Not much shift in power, yeah? WP got an early announcement and the neighbours were cheering. But after that, no more liao. So quiet. HAHA. Anyway, I can't vote. It isn't really much of my business. I just don't want Singapore to become a third world country. I don't even want Singapore to be like Malaysia or Thailand. I like that we are doing fine on the global front.

Had a great day, basically. Would so do it again if Marcelo is coming back. HAHA. MARCELO "THE PRINCE" IS SO HOT ! THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL ROCKED. Heard they're going to Thailand next. Sadly, I can't follow them. HAHA.

FREEEEEEEEEEEK.

2006-04-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

im so freaked.
anytime now, the match against man u and chelsea is gonna kick off.
and i cant freaking watch it.
gamecast is the only thing i have that keeps me sane.
i hate my life.

im so freaked.

man u have to win this.
i so wish i can see this match.
watch the players and stuff.
cos i cant really see their form from a bunch of dots.

omg.
so scared right now.
there's nobody online to let me in on the action.
and that bloody gamecast is always a minute or two slow.
i can just die of anxiety right now.

it hasnt been a good day.
couldnt be a worse way to end it if man u lose.
please, let them win.

ive been more active as a devils supporter lately.
ive been going ard toting the team colours.
and the badge.
ive been walking ard with the cap.
it also helps with bad hair days.
which ive been getting a lot of.
hasnt been my week.

ARGH BITCH.
i want man u to win !
and van nistelrooy is starting on the bench again, which is frustrating.
he was the top scorer !
now hes only at 21 and henry's at 23.
henry just got named footballer of the year.
that sucks.
the golden boot will probably go to him.
another pathetic season for man u.
hate this.

ok, kick off any second.
im freaking out.
please, let's all pray for a united victory.

MUSIC OR MISERY

2006-04-19T04:38:00.000-07:00

Recently kind of into Fall Out Boy.
The Music or the Misery is their song.
It's really great.
Go listen.
Remember, piracy's a crime.

Firstly, I'd like to mourn the state of the youth.
I thought people my age were horrible.
But to see signs of said horrible-ness happening to people at much younger age,
I'm absolutely horrified.
Since when was a lunchtime concert in a school so...
Low-class?

I know I'm not the only person who thinks that it's a flesh parade.
Whoever dress skimpiest wins?
Get this:
THEY ARE ALL SEC 2 STUDENTS.
What is this world coming to?
Their dance moves, they're beyond suggestive.
They're beyond coquettish.
They're just downright, low-class slutty.
Wendeline said she thought some of them looked like prostitutes.
I'm trying not to slam or make personal attacks,
because apparently, I do too much of that.
BUT SHE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

You call this dance?
I'm not a dancer, but it's just wrong.
Dance is supposed to be an art.
Miss Balan was discussing the difference between porn and art the other day.
Apparently, they need a lesson on that.
I almost had a heart attack on the spot.

Oh, yes.
I wouldn't be me if I didn't squeeze this in.
If you're fat, it's probably wrong to wear layered clothes.
I have this impression of people in layers.
It makes you look like a cake.
You know those wedding cakes with tiers?
And if you don't have nice, LONG and FAIRLY THIN legs,
miniskirts probably aren't your style.
And showing your black bra in a practically transparent shirt isn't sexy.
It's low-class.
Nothing personal.
Just a bit of advice.
(:

Gosh.
Soccer fever is piping up again.
End of season is really scary.
Because Chelsea are a point away from coronation.
Please, don't let them seal it at Stamford Bridge against Man Utd.
That would be devastating.
I'm resigned to the fact that they'll win the title.
But please, not in Man Utd's faces.
Tragedic.

Of course, for fair-weather fans,
the coming World Cup is what's exciting.
It's truly fine if you watch soccer because of the World Cup or something.
But please, it's really irritating to start acting like you know a lot about soccer and start telling people you support a certain club when you know nothing.
Especially the not-usually-fans type commenting about Man Utd.

You don't know how the Devils are a good team.
You don't know statistics, you can't tell from how they play.
So please don't go "If they're so good, why they never win".
And people who support clubs after they start winning,
I despise them.
Because when I started with Man Utd,
they were condemned not to win the title already.
But unlike fair-weather fans, I waited, held my disappointment and they prevailed in the end.
I will forever remember the treble and the 13-point thing with Newcastle.
They make me believe the Devils can bounce back from championship-less-ness.
Next year.
United can do it.

Anyway, many are betting on England this World Cup.
Why?
Where were the rest during the previous World Cup?
Just because some journalist comments that it could be England's year,
everyone act like they have incredible foresight to bet on little England.
What happened to those who looked down on them, huh?
What happened to those who were laughing while I was crying during the 2-1 loss to Brazil in the quarter-finals of Korea/Japan '02?
And just because Brazil won in 2002 doesn't mean they're the best, unbeatable team.
They do lose sometimes, yeah?
If you know nothing about soccer, it's better to keep quiet.
I now know how Mike felt when he wrote that bulletin slamming the non-soccer fans that are total posers.

Germany '06 promises to be exciting, of course.
So many world class players.
Players like Zidane, Figo, are but legends now.
And for the posers, Rivaldo is no longer one of the main features of the Brazil team.
He got his three minutes of fame in '02, that's all.
To me, he's far from being a legend.
After '02, he was anonymous.
He isn't even in a good club.
He was released on free transfer last year, I think.
Nobody wanted him.
Yeah.
That's something you might want to note if you want to go around saying you support Brazil because of Ronaldo and Rivaldo.

Ronaldo has been on the decline too.
Occasionally, he comes up with moments of genius that remind people why he's Ronaldo.
But of course, he isn't quite the genius he was then.
Recently, the Brazilian youngsters stealing the limelight are the likes of Robinho and Adriano.
Not the Campus Superstar guy.
This young footballer got famous a little before he did.
Now you know a little more than other posers know,
You can use this information to go around and boast.
How cool will it be?
It's more impressive saying, "I support Brazil because Robinho is a great player."
Imagine how a soccer fan will react when you say,
"I support Brazil because Rivaldo is a great player."
I don't know about others but I will definitely laugh.
Because that's a seriously stupid thing to say.

I've decided not to put all my eggs in one basket this year.
Japan/Korea '02 and Euro '04 has disappointed me.
And the one team that kept my fire alight in Euro was Portugal.
Portuguese players are great.
And Deco and Ronaldo are exceptionally good eye candy.
Yes, for those living under a rock, there's another Ronaldo.
Cristiano Ronaldo, 21 years of age, from Manchester United.
Deco is another young player from Barcelona.
Which is in Spain.
So, please don't ask why Chelsea win the title and not them.
It's the stupidest thing you can say because they don't play in the same league.
And Barcelona beat Chelsea in the Champions' League.
Yeah.
I have been asked all sorts of noob questions.

Let's talk about David Beckham here.
For the noobs, he is no longer the genius he was ten years ago.
Or up till 3 years ago, anyway.
After '02, he was sold to Real Madrid after one season.
Yes, he's no longer in Man Utd.
He now lacks pace and is not a very outstanding player at all.
For those who wanna support England,
the key players to watch are Owen and Rooney.
And perhaps Lampard (Chelsea captain) and Gerrard (Liverpool captain).
Don't embarrass yourself by saying Beckham or Seaman.
The new and horrible goalie is David James.
Or Paul Robinson, depending on which one is better.

For Victoria's 32nd birthday, he threw her an expensive party.
He flew in a chef from Nobu.
This chef cooks for 200 pounds per head.
Imagine paying for 200 pounds per guest.
God knows how many guests they had.
And he bought her an 8-million pound Bvlgari necklace.
Get this: 8 MILLION POUNDS.
Times 2.7 or so and you get how much in Singapore dollars.
20+++ million for a necklace.
OMG.
Their house in Madrid cost half of that.
A NECKLACE THAT COSTS TWICE OF YOUR EXPENSIVE PALACE.
And he gave her 32 roses to represent her turning 32.
He may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he sure as hell is generous.
And a hell of a romantic, despite media slamming their marriage every time there's nothing to write.
If someone does it for me, I might faint.

Mid years are next week !
Might be very distracted with the anxiety about Man Utd vs Chelsea.
But I'm quite determined to do well.
Except for my mathematics, of course.
I'm prepared to get dealt with heavy blows.
Mid years are exceptionally early.
Which can kill because of Sports' Day this Friday.
Then the Choir concert on Sunday.
And the extra lessons.
I'm kinda dying.
And I'm using one moment of free time to come online.
Wanted to go jogging but laziness overtook me.

It's alright.
Today shall be the only relax-day.
I had really really good sushi.
My mum rocks my world.
I'm going to learn from her !
I'm going to be a good cook / fashion designer / lawyer.
I can be a good housewife !
I just choose not to be.
(:

I MISS YOU

2006-04-14T23:11:00.000-07:00

me and yuhui's movie is finally done !
hahahha.
so proud of it.
its a brilliant project.
i love it club.
im definitely coming back even tho i step down le.
wahhahhaha.
heres the link.
go in and click on "i miss you" by Yuhui and Cindy.
its a bit slow to load, and its kinda short.
but it rocks, so be patient.
pass the word ard.
tell yr friends and tell them to tell theirs.
YUHUI AND I ROCK !

IT Club Webpage

SERIOUS SHIT.

2006-04-09T01:10:00.000-07:00

im going to try to sound philosophical here.
recently converted to true nerd.
not one that im saying myself.
im studying like a nerd.
im even working hard on my maths.
yeah, i took a step and made vectors my friends.

i havent really been online a lot.
there used to be a time when i came home with the intention to study.
but sat down at the com and forgot all about that.
not now.
i do work !
which reminds me i need an urgent trip to popular.
but that's okay.
im waiting for my vouchers after speech day.
hey, only true nerds get to go to speech day ok.
and its not for art or home ec.
im there for topping TWO subjects.
so we're the only class that takes ss/lit.
but i topped english and everyone takes that. (:

anyway, theres been this topic bugging me recently.
its FICTION.
i had a lot of ideas on it but i didnt have my journal to write in.
thats ok.
i have my blog. (:

basically, what the hell is fiction?
i think its just a nicer way of saying : UNTRUE.
i mean, its all based on lies.
it can be based on a true story,
but ultimately, a piece of fiction is just lies.
then why the hell do people write fiction ?

im not condemning fiction.
i am guilty of it.
most of my time is spent creating fiction.
most of them never get completed but ive got like five a4 exercise books sitting around.
whether its a fanfic or an original story,
its all fake !
thats not a bad thing.
because fake is actually real.

how so ?
society is ridden with falseties.
and people buy it.
im not just talking abt cheapo lians buying fake adidas bags at pasar malams.
every single one of us are guilty of being fakes.
when was the last time you smiled and plied a person with niceties even though YOU DIDNT LIKE HIM?
when was the last time you complimented a person even though you thought he did a hideous job?
and by saying you have never done either,
you are being a fake.
because thats a lie.

we all lie.
i do it all the time.
when mr prem punishes me, and thats pretty often,
i write a report.
i say im sorry because by not tucking in my shirt,
i ruining the schools rep and not being a good role model.
i tell him i will not repeat the offence again.
thats what im supposed to say, isnt it ?
but thats all lies because what i really think is,
i dont think the school will collapse because of my shirt.
i dont think all the sec ones will copy what i do.
i think its unfair like hell.
my conduct is good except for some slight grooming problems.
but im far from being the smoking lian with gangster connections he thinks i am.
and i feel he should be after them instead.
but i dont say that.
i just repeat the same thing each time im caught.
and it happens again and again anyway.
though i dont think im getting in his way anytime soon.
because ive been issued a last warning.
he says the next time, he will slap me with an a form backdating all previous offences.
it might warrant enough demerits to kick me out of school.

and im telling you,
im not the only student who does that.
every single person who promised not to walk around with their shirts untucked,
you're lying.

and of course, self delusional people.
they lie to themselves.
basically, everyone lies to themselves.
but lying to yourself has got to be one of the hardest things to do.
the assurance you get from telling yourself what you want to hear does not last.
and you end up feeling miserable after that.
because lies are only short-term answers to the ugliness of reality.
its like make-up, that gets washed off at the end of the day.
the bigger ones are like plastic surgery.
but it could go horribly, horribly wrong and cause fatality.

i believe myself to be a self-reflective person.
i think deep thoughts.
but even i am guilty of lying to make myself feel better.
i say ive learnt my lesson, time after time.
i told myself i could push forward and it would work out.
i lost count of how many times things just didnt work out.
and i, being a resilient fool, never learn my lesson.
its stupid because its like jumping off a cliff.
you get up, go to that cliff again, and tell yourself it wont hurt that much this time.
and you believe it !
but then that's stupider because its the same damn cliff, maybe with thicker grass.
and when you jump off, you realise you hurt even more because this time, the wounds you accumulate are added to the ones you already had.
the third time, you are the stupidest because you say
"I DONT CARE IF IT HURTS."
and then you regret it.

come on, im that fool.
because i know im going to keep jumping off.
its my nature to be a cliff-jumping fool.
one example, relationships.
god, they hurt like hell, dont they?
my history with boys hasnt been good.
they look different and gave me different memories, but they're both the same, arent they ?
i dont know why im thinking so much abt relationsips recently.
but theres a lot to be explored on this topic.

i say im not going for bad boys anymore.
no more ppl who do not succeed in the academic department.
and no more goddamn SMOKERS.
but what the heck, im a cliff jumper.
who really believes im going to get a decent guy and settle for holding hands after six months?
not me.
why the hell would i deserve a nice guy when i dont want one?
im not the nice girl next door, either.
gosh, the way i criticise.
when i go to hell, they might cut my tongue off.
ive said so many horrible things.
some ppl might be emotionally scarred for life.
nice guys dont deserve to be stuck with me.
im not going to have a happy marriage.
because antagonists dont get happy endings.
the sooner i realise it, the better.
i can lie and say i shall change but i know i wont.

im not considering any good guys interested at the moment.
the handful of them, all good guys.
im staying single, honouring the STD policy.
and id probably break it when a bad guy comes along.
for what ?
so i can jump off another cliff and turn down more good guys.
yeah.
thats the truth that im not admitting.

lies are so horrible.
but why do people lie anyway ?
its like why fiction writers like jk rowling and dan brown are so much more popular than non-fiction writers.
come on, who actually knows the name of a guy who writes encyclopedias?
people make things up because it cant really happen in real life.
and we all have a right to indulge in a little fantasy, dont we?

life is too short and we cant be perfect.
i cant be a lawyer or doctor just because i want to.
i cant have quinn allman as my boyfriend.
i cant fly and cast spells with my wand.
i cant frolick around in hogwarts with harry potter as my best friend.
i cant give myself a musical or artistic talent.
i cant make two totally hot boys fall in love with me at the same time.
(forget at the same time. i cant make two hot boys fall in love with me even if i had the entire lifetime to do it.)

thats also why we have role-playing.
because we cant really wave a sword around, cast a few spells and kill a lot of ppl.
most of those who do in these rpgs probably cant even kill a fly in real life.
and some are overweight to the point where they cant run a yard, much less a mile to kill a troll.
[ note: pls dont play too many virtual games. its bad for health.]

but let me tell you, i can with fiction.
i can be anyone i want.
police, secret agent, even hermione granger or brad pitt.
all i have to do is pretend.
sometimes, people write for others' reading pleasure.
those of us who cant do it, probably best to write just for yourself because ppl cant understand you anyway.
when i write, i can become a popular cheerleader.
though in real life, i wouldnt attempt it because i dont have that many bones to break.
i can make up my own name, appearance, personality.
i can be a total ugly bitch but make myself out to be some nice, pretty girl that has tom, dick, harry and even billy fighting over me.

the thing is, its in human nature to seek comfort.
we all want to feel good about ourselves.
we constantly strive to be what what people want to be.
by hiding behind a computer screen or armed with a pen and paper, i can be whoever i want.
isnt that an attractive package?
of course, some people create fantasies in their minds.
but the main deal is,
you have to be able to know when to detach yourself from fantasy and come back to reality.

too much fiction can twist your grasp on reality.
and thats why we have woodbridge.
(:

birthday

2006-03-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

23 march is a big day !
hahaha.
of course lah.
my birthday mah !

past few days been good.
wed lovely jiemeis celebrated for me.
partly lah.
elaine, angeline, joanna and chengting managed to make it.
i was late cos i was at nyp.
some dumb career seminar.
they bought me a cake !
prima deli chocolate cake.
lurrbe euuiie all lehhs !
but i dropped it and angeline almost had a heart attack.
:X
tankks wOrx.

23rd, thursday, went to school as usual.
ppl were behaving mysteriously.
its kinda obvious, yeah.
koeziyi rocks.
not very close to him.
but he volunteered to help !
wah surprise surprise.
he went to buy the cake.
was practically parading it in front of me.
even came and ask me wheres yuhui.
then they both went to hide it.
obvious, yeah ?
haha.

they sang me a lot of birthday songs.
in the morning in the hall they repeated at least six times.
cos liyong kept saying "one more time" after each song.
i wonder why they listen.
until the other class also start singing although they have no idea whose birthday it is.
then in the bus to unicurd, they "one more time" a few more times.
then when i had the cake, they did it again.
yeah, basically a lot of songs this year.
of course, the jiemeis sang me the first song of the year.
lurbb euu. <33

anyway.
we went to unicurd.
some tofu factory.
or doufu, as elaine spells it.
boring place.
the crazy 4i people *cough*chiangchunwei*cough* went to eat all the free tofu !
cheapskate sucker.
behave like lao niang never feed you.
i think the most entertaining part was when they kept goading the lady to open more and more food.
and then she gave us free tofu dessert.
alright.
kinda generous.

went back and then the fun began.
visual !
the tables were arranged together.
they even called ms faridah and mr ong down.
still got some photos i havent received but i'll do with these.
this is my cake !

its about the same as jiemeis' cake.
only its round and its bigger.
and yes, i ate that prima deli logo.
this is me with my beautiful chocolate cake:

of course, many people wanted to pose with the birthday girl.
haha.
and shili and jiamin are in a lot of them.
the background lah..
this is beloved naqiah, our chairperson.
(screw that bitch for not appreciating naqee)

this it yenju, the crazy woman.
her best friend is hello kitty.
but im telling you, secretly, her best friend is me.
hahaha.

this is kwang yong with his soyabean milk.
he claims he's handsome.
and the one hugging him is liyong.
they're gay, if you can't already tell.

my daugher xiaowei !
though his birth cert actually confirm he's male.
and that his name is chiang chun wei.

this is my best friend yuhui !
though her best friend is sam.
and she just disowned her pig best friend jieying.
im her real best friend !
hahhaha. love her for that pic of jon jonsson WITH ME.

this is huimin.
she get the honour of first present of the year !
and xin mun below let me experience my first ever movie premier.
its ultraviolet, a show strangely similar to aeonflux, btw.
thanks, girls !

this is me with form teacher ms faridah.
disturbances are abhay, liyong and hafiz respectively.
thats zhenliang innocently caught in the photo with jindou in the corner !

ok, i seriously dont know what im doing in this photo.
making my wish ?

im cutting the cake here..

that's me and ms faridah again.
catch a glimpse of my presents !

one of the presents.
lovely sunnies !
got them exchanged today.
aldo salespeople are snobby.

teo zhi wen, whom i thought was my best friend..
dangling the stupid strawberry.
also the first idiot to smear the cake on my face !

still acting kind want to feed me..

after chasing around, i finally stopped to eat the damn strawberry.
and he finally got tired of dangling it.

yenju eating cake..
cute picture !

yuhui, me, priscilla, winnie and atiqah.
sitting in a row, looking pretty. hehe.

while we were taking above photo, a war was taking place.
this is the victim.

they're just gaying.
hafiz, the number one irritant.

cky, self-proclaimed "handsome" and "cindy's boyfriend".
feeding me pizza with about a ton of chili.

me feeding yuhui the cake.
best friend !

me eating the evil pizza.
even after i shake off the mountain on top, its still freaking hot.

but i still eat !

haha.
thats basically it.
cos we had to go for mass lecture for ss.
mrs ess is kinda funny.
but i had a great time !
and i brought home a lot of presents.

at night, walked to serangoon gardens to have dinner with my family.
chomp chomp !
yeah.
im so loved.

yeah.
basically my birthday post.
the sad stuff that happened on friday shall be repeated at a later date.
and the happy stuff today will go with it.
and more stuff tmr.
i shall resize my jon jonsson photo.
and paste it everywhere.
my life is a bit extreme.
with really bad luck at times.
and really good luck at others.
i love the good bits.
ciao.

4i'o6

2006-03-17T20:40:00.000-08:00

the week has passed really fast !
holidays really dont last lor.
sucker.

ytd was the supposed class gathering.
i am paranoid, shizophrenic and a total skeptic.
i really didnt feel like going de lor..
but ppl beg me.
what can i do ?
hahaha.

went for tuition early in the morning.
i woke up at 7 lor !
me and yuhui went at 8 plus.
the place really feel like our house le lor.
we hung around there quite long.
managed to do some maths.
ruihan, zhenliang and yingxuan came.
but mr lim still MIA.
played cards while yuhui was doing maths.
slackers !
but i damn pro de hor.
i keep winning !
sadly, we never play money.
i should become professional gambler.
hahaha.
addicted !

people started coming.
me and yuhui attended lesson with some sec 3s for a while.
i kept going to the kitchen.
cos the whole damn place was air conditioned and freaking cold.
kitchen is warm.
haha.
ruihan filched two decks of cards from lim.
we lost one deck as east coast, and left behind the box and jokers at marina south when we were running for the bus.
oops. haha.

yuhui's mum drove us to paragon to collect yuhui's sim card.
then drove us to east coast.
i told yuhui of my plan to work at paragon.
can hook some rich fish.
dont even need to wait till december.
wahhahaha.
but of course, no working till after o's.
lalalala.

the girls were biking le.
linghong rented skates.
some of the boys were playing soccer.
stupid ppl.
rent the bikes, then leave them there.
we hung around at mac.
yuhui's mum was eating.
then the girls came for lunch.
me and yuhui went back earlier.
some of the boys were playing cards and we a bit thick skin go cut in.
fair lah..
loser out mah.

i dont usually boast lah.
but i keep winning lor.
dont need to out at all.
hahahahaha.
but got shuffle cards a few times.
maybe two out of the thirty or so rounds.
hahaha.
pro lah.
nothing to say.

got break for a while.
they played a bit of volleyball.
except with a soccerball.
i damn scared of playing volleyball.
and after seeing wendeline and tinghao with red hands,
im glad i stuck with my lamp post.
hahaha.
we played monkey for while.
its actually a bit more fun to be monkey.
hahaha.
stupid ppl.
zhenliang and clement whole day sabo each other.
purposely step aside so the person with last touch will be monkey.
suckers.

sat down for cards again.
haha.
we didnt go play at the beach lor.
just rotted under the tree playing cards the entire day.
but it was fun lor.
there werent many people.
more cosy.
then they took out this little mahjong set.
SO HILARIOUS !
its so small can.
wahlao. how to play ?
me and yuhui were laughing at how pathetic it was.
zhenliang said its cute.
hahahaha.
so funny !
in the end its so hard to play that they made it winner out.
only winner get the right to stop playing that pathetic little mahjong.
haha.
liyong even purposely zha hu so he can come out.
the mahjong really damn funny.
cant stand it.

was a lot of frustration and confusion when the student leaders dismissed from the stupid investiture thing.
suddenly a lot of ppl didnt want to go to marina south.
including the sucker who suggested it, chee kwang yong.
oh, and he forgot how to ride bicycle !
wahlao !
i teach until so xin ku that time at sentosa lor !
see tinghao leader, so he die also must go.
in the end, all the boys went.
most of the girls went back.
left four of us nia.
and we didnt even know how to go to marina south from east coast.
pathetic leh.

ppl were down there calling fathers and stuff.
cky the funniest.
call some 'da ge'.
sucking up in his gay voice.
his da ge tell him to walk along the highway.
hahahah.
walk until tian liang also havent reach ah.
quite good lah.
if we walked, maybe we can make it for dinner tonight.
in the end we just tok bus to take mrt.
ask some passers by lor.

we ended up fine at marina bay anyway.
took a bus to paya lebar mrt, then to marina bay.
then took a bus to the food place.
it was really fun.
the whole journey i was cursing cky.
but it was fun after that.
zhiwen is my best friend.
when i asked him to carry my bag for me, he agreed.
but my dear nuer wanted to do it instead.
of cos, i had to tell him how handsome he was ytd.
esp since my bag suits him so much.
haha.

was quite fun lah.
we took up three tables.
kinda steamboat style buffet.
i found out that someone is jealous of me !
for being close to my daughter ?
hello ?
i raise my beautiful daughter for fifteen years and i cant talk to him ?
wahlao.
not happy come say to my face lah.
i shall not accept you as my daughter in law hor.
my daughter is very baobei de hor.
ah bu so good.
the quiksilver wallet.. and i sponsored five bucks for the buffet lor.
just right for kids price.
haha.
he paid seven on his own, and i'll probably ask back the money.
but i still very good to my daughter lor.

and zhiwen is my best friend.
i wanted to eat the shellfish things.
hahaha.
i dont know whats it called.
but i really love seafood !
the stupid place, must ownself wash de lor.
so disgusting.
beloved zhiwen help me wash, then cook !
though it was a bit overcooked and rubbery.
zhiwen still rocks.
best friend !
i promised i shall not pester him for bday pres.
i have been doing that a lot, esp to him and darren mok.
but i shant do it anymore.
i experienced the whole washing process.
a bit disgusting.
im so touched.
hahaha.

ate quite a lot.
loved the prawns !
beloved zhiwen was the one who brought back the four containers of prawns.
baobei nuer offered to cook the prawns.
and baobei yenju peeled the prawns for me !
tho i am weiwei's number one angel, he is no more number one prawn peeler.
wahhahhaha.
but im so sad to have raised a sadist of a daughter.
the whole group of boys are sadists.
i was innocently looking at my food when they called me to the other table.
stupid chiang chun wei was down there dangling the prawn by the feelers.
its half-cooked and the top part is still struggling.
all the psychos were laughing and CLEMENT YEO RECORDED IT !
sick freaks.
wahlao. no wonder xiaowei so eager to cook prawns for me.
sucker.

we bought a lot of big bottles of water.
coke and green tea.
haha.
sharing of saliva bonds the class.
tho my best friend is not our class de.
lucky got zhiwen go.
hahaa.
the stupid person at the place kept telling us no outside drinks.
but we buy le what.
what you want.
liyong went to put the drinks inside the bowls.
idiot.

after eating, we were sitting on the steps playing bluff.
i didnt play cos honsest me sucks at lying.
but its so fun looking at all the cheaters.
wahlao.
yenju, tinghao, chunwei and zhenliang all cheaters !
but mr chiang is quite a failure of a cheater.
esp with that stupid 3 of hearts.
sucker leh he.
cheats needlessly and uses mind games.
haha.
quite fun.
i kinda analysed them.
can now tell when most of them are lying.
esp clement, tinghao and chunwei.
see tinghao is a silent cheater lor.
but got a bit of giveaway when he cheating.
ah bah is so honest !
jindou also.
so obvious when they cheat.
ah bah is an honest man.
very good.

then they decided to play heart attack.
damn stupid lah.
then i reminded them that it was 10.30.
so we all grabbed our bags and prepared to run when the bus came.
so funny.
when the bus came, everyone just grabbed the cards in their hands and ran.
nobody remembered the box and the four jokers !
joker can used to play the gui pai lor.
poor mr lim.
lost so many cards.
60 in total, plus two boxes.
hahaha.

took mrt back, then 73 with yuhui.
zhiwen got W800i !
wah lao.
not fair.
i also want.
stupid cky was commenting about my big shirt.
say i keep taking out and putting back.
no lor.
i only took out at east coast when we were going to the beach.
and put on when we were in the mrt going home lor.
bleah.
and he has a motorola razr v3.
wah lao !
not fair !

thankfully we made it back in one piece.
had a great time.
but i always need to keep myself grounded because each time i start thinking im a happy person, something bad happens.
its important to remain humble.

i cant say the path from east coast through the tunnel and stuff wasnt a bit sad for me.
cos the last time i was at east coast,
i was seriously happy like hell.
the last time i walked that tunnel, it was the start of something wonderful.
this time, it has already ended about a month.
and i was kinda pissed at cky for his stupid idea.
when we took a bus and ended up at paya lebar mrt, my mood got worse.
i thought maybe i just couldnt let go.
kinda like, i dont want it to go on like that, but i couldnt let go.
but today, i realised that its now march 18.
i just heard 'so sick of love songs' and the part about anniversary caught my ear.
hey, ytd was the anniversary of our breakup.
and days ago was what would have been the third month.
ok, nows the time for me to get dramatic.
but i believe in karma.
i didnt even think about it, despite the constant reminders from the strange places we kept ending up in.
maybe im not holding on as i think i am.
i kinda settled into the single role le.
hey, i did it, though a while ago, i thought i would never.
thats really good.

of course, its really refreshing to make realisations that click.
now i think of it, its a big difference from one month ago.
feb 17 night, i was holding back tears in elaine's room.
mar 17 night, i was having so much fun with my crazy friends.
friends will always be there, good or bad.
relationships are just passing fads.
we'll get over it.
like in the little scare i got two nights ago,
i realise that the pain of losing friendship is different from relationship.
because losing friendship hurts so much more.

so now i feel i need to say something to break this stupid wall of ice between the jiemeis.
no matter how little disagreements arise.
how little movements lead to unhappiness.
its inevitable if you see each other often.
but true friends really do forget it and move on.
we are all hypocrites, one way or another.
so whats the harm in pretending nothing went wrong and forgiving each other for all hurtful stuff ?
girls can be bitches especially the extroverted ones.
and we all know not a single jiemei is an introvert.
pls, we trained each other to talk loudly in a way.
though some ppl never learn their lessons.
and now everybody can stop pretending that we dont know what is wrong.
because one of us feels left out and why isnt anyone doing anything ?
this time its my fault, i shall admit.
there is no way a relationship can get in the way of friendship.
and this applies not only for me but as a warning to all jiemeis.
if someone needs to say something first and everyone is too thick skinned to do it,
maybe i should just start it.

we should keep bitching at bay internally.
no more being unhappy with one another.
no more.
maybe everyone is at fault but someones gotta do this.
TO XUELIN, IM SORRY.

twiishhx.

2006-03-12T00:01:00.001-08:00

miie nnd elaiine are talkiing liike dishh agaiin.
iit ishh a bitt siickeniing.
twiishhx.

tuition today.
the whole place to ourselves !
haha.
tuition is really turning out to be fun.
i am such a nerd !
YES I AM.
those who dont agree, shh.
yr comment is not needed.

hang out ard serangoon garden with yuhui.
so funny.
talking crap for hours at the roti prata place.
chengting joined us for a while.
basically gossiping and talking about the future.
i find that i like this topic a lot.
probably because it gives a lot of room for crapping and strange assumptions.
hilarious.

oh yes.
me and yuhui de movie almost complete le.
timing and all for the song is rather accurate.
but we need to do some touch up.
yuhui needs to redraw a scene or two.
but its really really cute !
hahaha.
very soon, i'll be putting it up here.
all can view our masterpiece.
but i guess we might get rather tired of I Miss You after a while.
haha.

the world is screwed up really.
yes, i am talking abt what i gossiped with yuhui about.
ppl around us.
hypocrites and plain weirdos.
and yes, i think guys suck.
ok, so im just referring to one that disgusts me.
but hey, guys do suck in general.

dont really know if i can stay over at yuhui's with yenju and gohlanlin.
depends on my mum's mood bah.
she was in a rather good mood today.
didnt really scold me when i ask her for money.
and she didnt scold me *much* when i came home rather late.

bball court didnt really have alien today.
there was a bunch that came when we were about to leave.
but they didnt really disturb us.
haha.
today rain like hell.
rather wet and filled with leaves.
usual bballers didnt come.
so we sat at the safer side.
didnt have to sit at the corner like bobby suggested !
haha.

elaine and angeline were embarrassing dear chengting.
but i have to say it was hilarious.
she hor..
really ah.
i abandoned my half.
went to form another half with elaine.
now together, we're 1.5 basketball player.
we're both half bballers.
and i am retired.
but our mo qi very good de hor.
esp when we play our favourite game.
and our new "bimbotic poses" game.
twiishhx !

she played with this guy.
he kinda got the basketballer style.
lucky sia.
otherwise she sure lose like hell.
but at least she got contribute a bit lah,.
the other team damn funny.
got this dog that like to run around in circles.
keep bouncing the ball and running around and around.
a bit irritating.
i think it was a long game because of all the time he wasted.
when chengting's team mate was leaving, he said bye to her.
dont betray james leh !
at least make that slap you gave me worth it mah..

we talked abt a lot of things sia.
the pharmacy was amusing.
discovered this shelf.
selling condoms, pregnancy tests and even ovulation tests.
she was rather amazed by the lubricant.
its supposed to "make you hot" i think.
thats what she told me.
hahahahha.
in case the condoms dont work, you can go back to the same shelf and get the pregnanacy test.
but i think the two companies work together de.
got business tactic sia.
the condoms got $2+ and $6+ de.
if you cheapskate buy cheap stuff, you need to spend more buying $12.90 onwards pregnancy tests.
but $12.90 also cheapskate, might not be accurate.
so got $29.90 de !
clever hor ?

of course, after that i had to lecture her.
let her know that life always presents temptations.
but she must learn not to sucuumb !
and also i taught her about "success".
its kinda easy testing whether you are attractive or not.
if a guy walk past and give you a second look, congratulations.
if not, you're probably plain and insignificant.
but of course, they can also be taking a second look because they've never seen an uglier creature.
that's when you have to read the second look.
if its amusement or disgust, then sad lor.
but if got a bit of paiseh then good liao.
haha.
of cos personality matters.
but first look is always the one that attract the opposite sex.
then they discover your personality.
and also, mind what gender you are attracting lah.
hahahaha.

we were a bit adventurous.
we walked from serangoon garden to the bball court.
through the dark passage from the drain behind kensington park leh.
quite scary lor.
but we were brave !
even saw a laopok police car.
so funny.

at bball court, someone asked me for lighter.
this girl from 4b.
tkd de.
she was with the two guys, one of them chengting's team mate.
i think lah.
asked me for lighter !
i so innocent !
do i look like a person who have lighter ?
hello, nerds dont have to clarify to ppl that they dont smoke lor.
look at my face..
i look like smoker meh ?!
i have healthy teeth and lungs hor.
not intending to die young.
i hate it when ppl smoke around me !
let me repeat.
I DONT SMOKE.

grr.
school everyday.
still got tuition.
this hols not like hols at all.
but i guess i have to nerd my way through.
i do so desperately want to make room for shopping trip.
but my royal brokeness needs financial aid leh.
maybe my mum good mood give me some money.
i wanna buy chuck taylors !
and a bag.
saw this rather nice sling/shoulder bag from nike.
this orange chicken thingy.
chickens are popular sia.
even with the avian flu around.
its not called bird flu hor.
is avian flu.
now better call H5N1 virus.
cos got other animals got the virus le !
soon will pass to humans.
so beware of our duck.
put her under quarantine.
if need be, we will cull her.
but cannot eat !
not safe !

of course, i need to remind ppl again.
MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING.
IS ON NEXT THURSDAY.
23 MARCH.
PRESENTS PLEASE.
tankk euuiie.
(:

nothing to do.

2006-03-09T23:21:00.000-08:00

I AM IN SCHOOL.
AND I AM BORED.
I HAVE NOTHING TO DO.
HELP ME !
MR CHNG FASTER COME !
I WANT TO MAKE MY MOVIE !

remember the name.

2006-03-07T21:24:00.000-08:00

entertaining life i have.
english prelim oral yesterday.
went fairly ok, i guess.
i'm just wondering why teachers never ever want to keep a long conversation with me.
i have recently concluded that im just not likeable.
but not to this extent, right ?!

tuition damn slack today.
go might as well dont go.
a bit crap, yeah ?
yuhui was drawing all over the place.
on the board, on mr lim's bottle, and even on the clock.
madness.
lim is so impressed by my height.
keep showing me off to his boys.

a lot of disgusting couples in mayflower recently.
wonder why.
even little sec ones and twos are getting involved.
sad sad sad.
what is wrong with ppl these days ?
stead and break like nothing.
and worse, some ppl cheating girls into bed.
but the worst would be girls offering themselves.
cant she learn to respect herself ?

nowadays notice a lot of good looking guys around me.
after i make my vow of abstinence, a lot of temptations ah..
hahahha.
or maybe im just becoming despo le !
OH NO !
bleah.
sian lah boys..
a bit sick of it all le.
cat high or dog high..
hahaha.
me and yuhui bring mouse go catch a cat high !

sian.
now dont see the big deal abt having boyfriend or not.
single is kinda good too.
STD shall change to STMN cos o's end 16 nov for me and angeline.
good lah.
got some time to go crazy preparing for graduation night !
hahahaha.
me and winnie looking forward to that lah !

me wendeline and huimin were looking at cute sec 3 ncc guys ytd.
got one really very cute leh !
but hor, i dont go for younger guys.
sad right..
its ok lah.
i can find older, better looking ones.
but after 16 nov lah..
i dont want to be the one who lose leh..
stupid policy that i made..
im not willing to treat everyone pizza hut.
cruel elaine sure order a lot sia..
but i can feel a bit of love in the air.
think it will be rather soon that i will be tempted to break the policy.
but sorry i got self control.
hehe.
good instincts !

i still rmb that cute horoscope book.
planned it all for me.
the one shock thing that i never thot would happen so soon has already happened.
if i continue believing it, april will bring a few flings.
a few sia..
until august..
then i shall treat them a lot of times ?
hehe.
if i catch rich and generous fish then say lah..
sekali i depressed a lot of times.
and the book also says i will settle down with one guy in october.
but i guess that part wont be very accurate.
by october, i'll be so scared i wont notice any guy.
even if its cristiano ronaldo.
we'll see lah.
or maybe i'll let it drag till nov 16.
then dont need treat le !
hahahahha.

see how lah.
now, boys are just a blip on my radar.
on my journey to O's !
hahahaha.
what a devoted student.
a true nerd !

today dentist damn funny.
she so cute lah.
such a nice lady.
yenju and shili were there vanness-ing away.
such old copies of teenage !
hahahaha.
and she was vanness-ing with them.
crazy ppl.

dentist really damn cute.
once i lie there she got so excited.
"wah so pretty! yr eyes so big! are they natural?"
hello, nobody ever say my eyes big before lah !
my mum ask me why my eyes so small lor.
diao.
maybe her goggles got magnification.
and i think my eyes look very natural, thank you.
she was like "so pretty, can be actress or model."
then i told her i want to be lawyer.
she said "lawyer also need to take care of yr teeth. later yr client laugh at you and say 'haha, that lawyer no teeth!'."
cute lady, she.
she say my teeth very nice, she envy me.
but got some gaps, like hers.
she say must bring floss everywhere.
otherwise use raffia string also can.
diao. imagine flossing with raffia.

got this brazilian samba thingy for assembly.
a bit long ah.
but the sec 5s had a lot of fun.
so enthu de they all..
me down there burning to death.
stupid hall so hot.
trap heat sia..
i slept and woke up drenched in sweat.
so hot !

ahh sian.
i got chinese hw and a whole lot of maths undone !
been a bit lacking in motivation.
and i feel a bit hua xin le.
want to go shop, and play and stuff.
maybe going escape with winnie and guys next week.
movies with yuhui, jiemeis.
got time for hw meh ?

sad life leh..
must make time.
nerd will not be distracted !
i shall make it into SA.
i die also must.
even if i dont, i can say i did my best.
hopefully still got CJ backup.
if dont have, i think i dont need to live le.
SA better lor.
want to be big lawyer, next time can say my alma mater SA.
CJ like not very impressive.

looking forward to that gathering ten years later.
with my 4i friends too.
maybe ten years down the road, liyong will be a successful man.
and keene will be a big towkay.
and chee kwang yong may be sweeping the floor.
hahahhaha.
i will be an mp with winnie as my bodyguard.
i will buy comics from yuhui.
and visit priscilla in bali with her indonesian hotel-owner husband.
hahahaha.
amazing thought.
hope yenju will not be a clown lah.
i shant walk beside her.
hehe.

motivate me !
haha.
yes, i shall work towards my bright future.
i wanna be a lawyer, really.
my passion shall be directed there and i will make it !
then i'll join miss singapore and later become a NMP.
vote for me !
i shall make singapore a better place for my friends, lovers, countrymen !
hahaha.
julius caesar and shakespeare rock my world.
really.
et tu, brutus ?
the evil that men do lives, while the bad are oft interred with their bones.
oh, great antony !
bless my soul.

when im gone.

2006-03-05T02:21:00.000-08:00

been quite a sane week for me.
not much encounter with creepy organisms.
this week bball court mostly bballers.

i think maybe i got a bit of memory problem..
cos i only remember little bits of the week.
its ok.
my brain space is reserved for my studies.
im at peace with my maths and sciences.
mr lim say cannot get angry when doing sums.
its bad.
can tell lah..
i always do until damn frustrated.

anyways.
me and yuhui have completed most of the movie.
ok lah mostly its yuhui.
but its cute lor.
its titled "i miss you".
its this really cute clip of pics drawn by ms paint.
its hand-drawn by yuhui !
extremely long and grueling process.
maybe my ideas a bit ambitious..
yuhui have to draw until very xin ku.
can come assassinate me.
cos caesar was slew for his ambition !
wahhahaha.
we still got touch up..
most impt parts havent go in.
mainly the songs and the credits.
the credits are hand-drawn by me !
haha.
drawn on mr lim's whiteboard at the tuition centre.
then we took photo.
haha.
so cute..
and i draw de leh !
can't wait for it to be done then i'll link it through here.
me and yuhui de masterpiece !
credits to blink 182 for the song also lah..
its gonna rock. (:

had a horrible crappy session of tuition..
wednesday night, if i rmb correctly.
ytd mr lim joked abt his "botak lim matchmaking agency".
true sia.
i shant flame ppl down here.
later kena sued.
as we all know, blogs arent private at all.
can get jailed.
i shall just bitch abt them with ppl who care.
hmph.

i read back my old posts..
i guess im officially out of shilianess.
even if im not.
i dont have time to be moping ard abt it anymore.
cos school really speed up le.
sometimes some stuff remind me of some happier times.
then feel quite sad why sad stuff had to happened.
but i guess whats happened has happened and it couldnt have happened another way.
i wouldnt want it to happen any other way.
what mr chng said abt gratitude and appreciation after a breakup,
i think im a bit closer to that.
maybe depression and frustration helps us grow up.
i wouldnt know.
but hey, im happy now.
and i dont really intend to jump into another relationship.
imagine if it ends at some strange time from 2 to 16 nov.
my future will really go down the drain.

have been thinking a lot abt future.
me elaine and chengting sat in my room last night and discussed.
i discussed a lot of times with yuhui.
kinda a long discussion with my mum.
havent really come to a decision.
maybe i'll go into law ?
im kinda interested.
but dont worry i wont marry a roadsweeper.
hehe.
dont know if i can handle the pressure of hard work.
i'll look into it, maybe think harder.
this is my life.
i am a student, a scholar.
i'm gonna study for a good future.
not gonna care abt reputation.
ppl can say im going mad.
im really worried abt the future now.
definitely a bit different from the stupid girl jumping into relationship with strange boys.
why strange ?
only my jiemeis shall know.
blogs not private.
(:

me elaine and chengting have thought of ten years later.
when all jiemeis are working and we'll meet up for coffee at a five-star hotel cafe.
angeline will be the huang lian po.
bring all her children and tell them to sit still.
funny sia.
chengting gonna do some slacker job related to computers.
joanna possibly a businesswoman or some engineer.
xuelin maybe some media job that has to do with language.
me and elaine gonna be in suits, talking on handphones and stuff.
shes gonna be some PR person.
i hope i'll be a lawyer by then.
then i'll sue chengting till she go broke.
hahahha.
we'll be laughing abt how ten years ago,
we were actually wondering what it would be like ten years later.
its kinda funny.
i really wonder what the future holds.
haha.
hope elaine really find that piano-playing robot husband.
i dont think i'll be married yet at the time.
cant really see myself married in ten years.
angeline gonna get married early, like abt 25.
thats why shes gonna bring her kids.
hahaha.

we had fun on thursday.
three of us keep going to take neoprints.
poor thing chengting always get bullied.
but the pics are really cute.
hahaha.
all posted on friendster le.
love them to bits.

went to play basketball too.
even tho im retired and used to be only half as good as the average player in my prime,
it was really kinda fun.
we thrashed these two guys.
one of them was a sec one from my sch.
dont say we bully kids lor.
we can only play with kids mah.
hahahahaha.
me and chengting used to make it a hobby.
go down there to look for little kids and play with them.
oh, and she got thrashed by a p6 kid ytd.
so disgraceful that i'm her half.
maybe she shd downgrade to one quarter.
cos that guy looked too small to be a p6 kid.
throw face leh she..

thursday night we were crapping in chinese.
cos i had prelim oral for chinese the next day.
so funny lor.
anyhow translate.
chengting aka duana became DA XIONG.
bobby became bo bi.
something like that lah..
then sucker is xi guan.
so stupid lah.
xi guan is actually straw lor.
even high 5 also can translate.
i laughed so much i almost died lah.
dno why me and elaine always do stupid things to make ourselves laugh.
i think we're just a pair of self-amused retards.

monday at mac also quite fun.
met elaine's friend rachel.
kinda nice.
me and elaine were doing stupid bimbotic poses at each other.
other ppl down there doing hw, we laughing.
quite good also lah.
can train stomach muscles.
dont need crunches or situps.

anyway the prelim oral for chinese is over.
tmr gonna be english.
chinese was strange.
the stupid convo part.
teacher so fast stop le.
like dont want talk to me.
sad life.
i want to talk more !
dont think im gonna get a good mark.
my chinese sucks lor.
bleah.

oh yes.
how can we forget the most exciting thing abt march ?
its not the hols.
cos we're probably gonna get extra lessons everyday.
ITS MY BIRTHDAY !
hahahaha.
to everyone pretending they dont know,
its 23RD OF MARCH.
TWENTY THREE.
ER SHI SAN.
23 !
very easy rmb de..
beckham's jersey number.
haha.
usually birthdays are really great.
but this year is a bit different.
dont know what to anticipate.
hope its all good.
i want presents hor !

sec 3 birthday i will forever rmb.
thanks to everyone who made it great.
esp novielene, yuhui, denny zhiwen and chunwei.
cant forget this crazy bunch.
tho we're not technically a bunch anymore.
the camp also.
yeah well we dont have camps this year.
sneaking cake in the middle of a camp is a once in a lifetime experience !
i loved it.
love my 3i / 4i girls.

really a bit scared.
cannot hope too much for this year's birthday.
if it turns out to be a mediocre event, i might break down.
i really make a big deal of birthdays !
hahaha.
and sixteen is a rather special age, yeah ?
sweet sixteen.
no such thing as sweet fifteen or sweet seventeen.
once in a lifetime !
everyone pls try to wish me happy birthday on that day and make me happy.
hahaha.
why have i learnt to be thick skinned and ask for everything ?
maybe some ppl have just taught me that unless you say it,
ppl that matter arent really gonna be sweet to you and take initiative.

bleah.
i always get the denser *acquaintances*.

so sick of love songs.

2006-02-26T05:32:00.000-08:00

So Sick of Love Songs
Neo

Mmmm mmm yeah
Do do do do do do do-do
Ohh Yeah

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(It's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger than this
(enough is enough)
No more walking round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Crying over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calendar I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Don't make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
Let it go
Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?

how bored must i be if i can blog twice in a day ?
make a guess.
depressing day.
xuelin sent me this really nice song so i'm sharing.
great song.
gives shilianed ppl something to relate to, and give a bit of positive outlook.
i'm sure ppl like me are sick of love songs.
and also flowers everywhere.
bleah.
definitely done with crying and wishing for the past.
the melody is good. try looking for the song.
REMEMBER PIRACY IS A CRIME LEH.
enjoy.

stickwitu

2006-02-25T21:14:00.000-08:00

DEAD DEAD DEAD.
everything is so dead.
need someone to inject some life into my world.
BLAH.
lack of motivation to study.
i thot i wanted to do maths sia..
argh.

the world is a dead place.
kinda depressing.
im finally able to let go of some issues.
like erm..
i have advanced a bit in the shilian course ?
almost graduated le bah..
thats a good thing.

oh, and im starting a course for guys.
how to make yr girlfriend happy.
hahahaha.
if i cant have my happy ending, at least i can help other girls get theirs.
strange, yeah ?
two failed attempts and im retiring.
haha.
a bit tiring lah.
study more impt anyway.
but if i can help, i will.
its nothing new for me leh..
i got experience de..
like how me and winnie always have to go knock sense into chartchai.

woke up feeling depressed again ytd morning.
been having bad dreams this whole week.
must be prompting me to LET GO.
i see sense le.
i'm letting go, alright.
dont need to remind me again.
this morning's dream was freaking funny.
shocked me awake.
okok i get the point, ppl directing my dreams.
let go and dont mope le !

went half an hour late for tuition.
wah piang.
i hate bus 73 !
and tuition ended early sumore cos ppl very tired.
cheat me sia.
and this week only got two sessions.
really keep getting cheated sia.
boo.

after tuition went walk ard with yuhui ard toa payoh.
bleah.
the waffle a bit disgusting.
that day eat de nicer..
was a bit adventurous in trying grape green tea.
but it was nice lor.
we went to library.
was telling her abt some stuff abt my sad life.
haha.
but a bit happy ending bah.
mr chng rocks !
everything's sorta smoothed over now.
not really good until become best friends, but kinda neutral now bah.
hope this isnt one sided this time.
heh.
then her dad came to fetch her.

so i went to heartland to meet chengting.
return her clothes and stuff.
wanted to look for elaine and angeline but they went off le.
we walked ard and look at stuff.
i was still rather down lor.
not really sure why.
must be because she made me wait so long for her !
ard me got so many v-day stuffs..
ehh enough or not ah ?
over for how long le ?
but she totally cheered me up after we went for sushi.

sushi rocks !
never thot i was a barbarian who could eat raw fish.
hehe.
the salmon was nice !
chengting decided to be adventurous and try the wasabi sushi.
its only seaweed, wasabi, rice and some of the little red eggs.
it almost killed her.
wahhahahha.
i laughed like hell can !
had to buy her some lemonade.
i treat her rather good hor..
when we walking out of heartland, saw bobby going into heartland.
never really noticed him cos i was laughing so hard.
but i got say hi leh.. polite child.
haha.
ITS DAMN FUNNY !
after that i really cheered up sia.
who can stand to be angry with this stupid woman ?

took bus to serangoon garden.
walk ard.
really a nice place.
so long nvr go explore with yuhui le !
we actually wanted to be adventurous and walk to elaine's house.
but i kinda scared get lost.
and elaine was getting rather impatient.
say she and angeline havent eat yet, telling us to go to her house.
so we took a bus.
but we detour a bit to bball court.
so long nvr go there can..

the tkd all big kids sia.
later then realised is my sch de ppl !
not vry sure whats her name.
but i recognised the 4b girl.
unicorn de.
and got this pegasus girl who played interhouse floorball with me last year.
(:

and one thing i feel very strongly about.
the whole court kena overrun by indecent ppl !
bengs and lians have been invading the court lately !
what happened to ppl who really loved bball ?
bobby, qi, kimli they all leh ?!
why saturday night nvr come and play ?
instead got some strange ppl down there..
screaming and shouting..
one of them we duped the "alien that likes to drink coffee in MIB".
me, chengting and elaine sat down there after dinner.
wanted to breathe some fresh air.
but instead got nicotine in the air !
WTH ?!
smoking kills.
and who the hell smokes at the basketball court ?!
totally contradictory.
its a place for sports ! for fit ppl !
smokers please refrain from lighting up there.
i dont want to die frm passive smoking when i want to breathe some fresh night air.

those ppl.
really horrible.
dno how to play still want to play.
i may suck at basketball and no longer be a player.
i may have lost interest in the sport.
BUT I CANT TOLERATE PPL MASSACRE-ING IT !
seriously.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PPL THESE DAYS ?

group of bengs down there screaming and shouting.
since when was basketball a loud, vulgar and verbal game.
usually dont have much sound other than occasional call out to teammates.
i enjoyed the sound of the ball going in, shoes against gravel..
NOT VULGARITIES EVERY HALF A SECOND !
wah.
i can really just..
pass out from anger.
ridiculous shit.

got this girl waiting down there for some boyfriend also.
they were all inappropriately dressed lor.
dress like that..
go kopitiam and drink and smoke lor.
come here for what ?
go and check out what real basketballers wear before you come here can.
and if you dont have incredible muscles, pls refrain from removing yr shirt.
hurts my eyes.
go disturb the tkd ppl for what ?
you think you damn big ah ?
everyone must be scared of you ppl ?
go back to where you came from pls..
dont destroy other ppl teritory.
wah. angry hor.

we went to sit at the playground.
to breathe fresh air and get some quiet night feeling.
hello.
SOUND ABOVE 85 DECIBELS IS CONSIDERED NOISE POLLUTION.
I DONT CARE IF ITS HALF THE VOLUME.
WITH THE VULGARITIES AND THE DAMN MOUTH IT CAME FROM.
I HEAR NOT HAPPY THEN I CONSIDER NOISE POLLUTION.
CAN OR NOT ?!

but we went home quite fast.
cos elaine's splinter muscle was going to release.
as we waited longer, it almost snapped.
chengting still wanted to go play.
sorry hor.
you go weigh which is worse.
go home after 11 and get arrested.
or get whacked by those organisms.
grr.
irritating ppl.
waiting for duck to invent the pill that will eliminate all useless creatures.
i support yr research, duck.

came home late and got whacked by my mum.
what to do.
can only sit there and surrender to her.
she mother mah.
she boss.
let her rant down there by herself.
i agree with her she also angry.
disagree with her also angry.
then i shut up lor.
then she think she talk to herself she angry also.
ok lah i give up lah.
diao.

chey.
throw face.
so old liao still kena whack by mother.
sad life.
pls dont let me turn out like her.
i dont wanna be so naggy !
but i think i a bit display such qualities le.
think too much and complain too much.
you see, thats why two months is the longest i can last !
sad, sad life.

but look on the bright side lah.
she say finish le..
then sua liao.
also nvr ground me or what.
see how long i can remain disciplined lor.

and today, i tried to do my it club project.
was a horrible failure cos i cant draw for nuts !
i think i shall ask for yuhui's help.
her balloon boy rocks lor.
can go take a look.
IT Club page.

yuhui rocks.
after i finish i want my work to be there too !
haha.
stay tuned.
(:

i'll always remember.

2006-02-24T00:58:00.000-08:00

WHAT A LOOOOONG WEEK.
im glad its over.
so busy everyday.
is this the life i have to get used to for the rest of the year ?
is this just a warm up ?
IM GOING TO COLLAPSE AND DIE !

been getting home late practically everyday.
tuition keep getting postponed.
wth ?!
bleah.
dont want plan with them le.
schedules clash.
linghong and peiyun keep going without us.
and we dont get make-up lessons !
sucks, yeah ?

today is rather packed too.
but due to some mess up with the lists,
no sec 4 girls are running for pegasus today.
WTH ?!
ok fine.
i concede.
let the sec 3's run.
but i seriously dont want to lose to griffin again !
dont tell me cat and rachel were the last ones ensuring pegasus honour.
sad life.

at least that allowed me to breathe.
chinese is like three periods on fridays.
thats a killer.
chinese is freaking boring.
why do you make us stay there for an extra period when we dont really do much anyway ?
chinese can study de meh ?!
morning pe, i still ran.
as a pacer, but i ran two rounds !
its kinda tiring.
the long jump rather cute.
haha.
pls, i cant jump.
dont sign me up for long jump on sports day PLEASE !

i enjoy pe.
haha.
always damn hyper during pe.
and dont know why.
i become the one collecting cca cards now.
dont know why everyone zidong come give me.

after sch still got chem extra lesson.
usually fridays would have ss mass lecture.
last week i did sth stupid by skipping it.
bleah.
its a L1R5 subject.
and i skipped it to come home and take shit.
am i self-destructive or what ?
fridays are no longer early dismissal days.
sucks.

went with naqiah and priscilla to collect the class tees.
it didnt turn out as i expected.
but im kinda proud of it.
hey its our 4i shirt.
the guy at the shop is seriously weird.
i dont like him. AT ALL.

now im slacking at elaine's house.
dont really feel like going to debate later anymore.
because im not very keen on wearing uniform.
after i bathe, i wanna either sleep or dress up.
not go back into uniform.
bleah.
cant i be a relative ?

theres been so much around me.
seems like at our age, relationships are everything.
naqiah and priscilla are still currently in stages of CTE.
me, its STD.
kinda sucks being single.
im sorry !
i just dont really like the feeling now.
BUT.
that cant be helped.
i cant be a couple on my own.
unless i go into a relationship with myself.
which would be totally WEIRD.
im SINGLE AND NOT LOVING IT.
who am i trying to kid by saying im over the guy in china ?
myself bah.

winnie is in a group of her own.
me and atiqah are single and vowing to stay like that till december.
(not that we particularly enjoy it, but think abt O's)
priscilla is definitely with chartchai enjoying her coupledom.
elijah is Single Till Whenever.
he can actually get attached anytime he wants.
bleah.
winnie ?
she's in the adulterous pair category.
haha.
dont really mean anything.
she's not cheating !
haha.
just a word priscilla is rather fascinated by.
shes actually with the STD.
but waiting for a guy.

i so understand how she feels.
its a horrible hollow feeling in your chest.
when you think abt that person, it contracts.
its not painful, just this dull, sore aching.
i hate this feeling, really.
si nian shi tong ku de.
shi lian also.
haha.
elaine created this therapy for shilians.
maybe i oughta start one.
give myself therapy.

then there's some asshole.
playing around with girls.
i really despise such ppl, yeah ?
priscilla did well by shutting the door on him.
that was really hilarious.
he deserves to really get hurt hard by a girl.
then he will understand how it feels to get so upset you cry over someone day after day.
poor girl.
basically, most guys are assholes.
find one that is not, yar ?
dont cry over those that are.
learn from me.
but learn from me also not very good lah.
i can be heartless to some stuff.
and really emotional to some.
screwed up emotions bah.
and hor, i also currently shilianing.
not very good at teaching ppl.
shd have written a guide book after that breakup with a lemon.
can counsel myself also.

my studies a bit slack le.
yesterday tuition quite cute ah.
was taught by a jc2 guy.
mr lim was at a funeral.
that poor guy.
i think he will never ever attempt to teach again.
we keep asking weird questions.
maybe he didnt understand but the explanation wasnt very clear.
got a bit of communication breakdown.
cannot be generation gap.
haha.
but smart ppl dont necessarily teach well.
you can be from oxford, but teach worse than someone from a neighbourhood school.

grr.
dont think im going for debate.
but i really feel like dressing up and going out.
being single is really a horrible feeling for me.
like when i had to carry the heavy bags of sch tees.
wish i had someone to call for help.
even tho i didnt run today.
i was thinking how nice it would be if someone would be there to support me for sports day.
sit there and give me moral support.
and offer me a 100plus or something when i finish.
ask me whether im tired and stuff.
tell me i did well.
ok i gotta stop thinking so much.
cos the more i think the more i start to miss ppl.
and sports day is in april.
im staying single till december.
so IT SHALL REMAIN A FANSTASY.

im sensitive to couples..
selfish me.
dont wanna see couples around me when im not part of one.
but i cant avoid them.
im still happy for them.
some bah.
like priscilla and chartchai.
tho covering for them is rather tiring.
keep having to lie to an old lady.
its bad, you know ?

shitty week.
horrible shitty week.
somehow managed to float through.
hate myself for waiting for him to come back.
somehow i am waiting.
but i probably wont know when.
cos he's probably not gonna let me know anyway.
who the hell am i to him ?
really really hate this one-sided feeling.

somehow with his absence,
ive been forgetting to think of us as over.
its like i keep thinking hes only gone for a while.
and im waiting for him to come back from his holiday.
but truth is, hes gone for good.
im just putting off the heartbreak.
the weekend was really bad for my heart and my eyes.
but somehow ive been putting it off for the week.
maybe when he comes back and ignores me i'll start crying again.
i dont know.
its so hard.
even maths dont have formulae for one-sided figures.
i do so wish this longing is for both sides.
but sometimes we just dont get what we want, yeah ?

i really need to do self reflection.
i take people for granted.
i used to think he took me for granted.
cos i really had to throw away a lot of sweet fantasies and settle for cold reality.
now hes gone, i realise that i complain too much.
i was the one who took him for granted.
how ?
now then realise also too late le.
TOO DAMN LATE.

it sucks to be me.

watch as i bleed and fade away to nothing.

2006-02-18T18:38:00.001-08:00

newly single.
cant believe it.
my spaceship has crashed..
how many engines also no use..

i keep telling myself to forget it.
i can think sense, alright.
i just cant do it.
i was fine for a while, last night.
but i just cant let go fully.

act tough for what ?
i cant say i didnt cry.
i cant say im not still sad.
i'd be lying.
i really really mind it.
and somehow this ending blow isnt as strong as that lemon's.
perhaps "free at last" really is a good thing.
i wish i had gotten something like that instead of "you were right i lost interest".
or perhaps its just the different people saying it.
my heart and mind are just not at rest.

last night i was really ready to let go.
i felt fine.
i thot i had done it again.
two months of memories, good and bad, all put to rest within a day.
i thot i had let it go.
but in the morning when i woke up,
i felt as bad as i did yesterday morning.
i really shouldnt be given time to think about anything.
because my mind always wrecks havoc.

i started this SINGLE TILL DECEMBER policy.
i really think i can stay single till dec.
i hope i can.
see, from my current state, i dont think i'll be ready for another relationship in the distant future.
i made a horrible mistake.
jumping from one into another.
rebounds dont work out, i guess.
especially when feelings get involved.
angeline, elaine, chengting and joanna are in this campaign too.
why december ?
because o levels would have ended by then.
sadly for chengting, she will have to wait till next december.
it doesnt matter.
kids our age really shouldnt get involved in relationships.
we really arent mature enough to handle such things.
im really so freaking childish i shdnt dabble in such things again.
till about ten years later.

my studies are really much more impt.
perhaps i shd be happy.
i thanked him for being honest.
brutally honest, but honest nonetheless.
and i gotta thank whatever stars up there that it didnt happen at a more inconvenient time.
it did affect my common tests slightly.
and currently i hate valentine's day.
but at least it didnt affect any major exams, esp my o's.

i really expected this to last.
guess im only good at making bad judgements and miscalculations.
sometimes it happens negatively.
i thot lemon would only last a month.
it lasted two.
i thot this would last damn long.
it ended at two as well.
two is really a cursed number for me.
but i really didnt want it to be like before.
i guess in the end its all the same.
there isnt much difference between them.
i end up on the losing end all the same.

this is so dumb.
i cant hate him like how i hated that twit.
i wish we could be friends.
but even with friends, you need the other party to be willing before you can establish anything.
and im gonna end up the clingy and possessive one again.
i guess it will make it harder for me to let go.
it just doesnt make sense how i let myself fall so hard.
shd be the rebound thing.
i really threw myself in this time.
cursed lemon go le still can hai me.
that really was the biggest mistake of my entire life.

from now on im a nerd, a geek a whatever.
relationships are definitely out.
the more members there are in STD, the harsher the punishment.
i dont want to break the policy.
frm now on, my number is sacred.
its a state secret.
tian ji bu ke xie lou.
see, im a nerd who studies the yan yu worksheet.
dont try asking for my number.
if i'm nice i might give you a fake no.
that's if im nice.
if im not, dont blame me for being a bitch.
those who alrdy have my no,
dont even think about it.
I'M STAYING SINGLE TILL DECEMBER.

everything keeps coming back to remind me of him.
i cant get outta my house.
cos i see the playground, i see the bus stops..
the route i took to serangoon central.
i did what i could.
i hid the bear behind a hello kitty, i stuffed the hp pouch into a cupboard.
i returned the photo that used to be in my wallet.
it made me smile when i opened my wallet.
now i dont even feel like using that wallet.
good thing is that im using duck's jack thingy a lot.
when i see couples, i feel so sad.
because not so long ago, i used to have this feeling of security.
now, nobody's got my back.
i'm almost tempted to jump into another relationship to forget this one, just like before.
but it will end up in a vicious cycle and i might get hurt worse next time round.
not worth it.
not gonna do my studies any favours either.
im determined to be by my lonesome.
even if i die of withdrawal or become some recluse whose corpse rot to death in a cave and never gets discovered until some adventurous explorer finds my bones in a pile.

really, everyone can live peacefully.
like blink 182's "i miss you", we can live like jack and sally if we want.
if we want.
i want, and if i want enough, i'll work for it.
then i'll get it.
if i find jack, i'll kill sally and chop her into pieces, then scatter the bits to the ends of the world.
and while she is looking for her body parts and sewing them back,
i'll be enjoying a lifetime of love with jack.
JACK IS MINE.

i watched the nightmare before christmas yesterday.
i love jack skellington.
hes so cute.
good intentions can really come back and bite you in the arse.
poor thing got shot down.
the love story part didnt do me any good.
i dont think i'll sit around and wait patiently like sally.
because he'll just get irritated.
trust me, its a lot easier to avoid someone in singapore than in the land of halloween.
see, the lemon can easily avoid me tho he lives like, metres away.

i feel that writing really helps me get the bad energy out.
i wrote two letters and tore them up.
one was to myself, one was actually kinda to him.
sorta like how much im thinking of him.
but once i get it out of my system, i really feel better.
nobody has to know except me.
all these feelings shd get out and leave the studious ones.

i dont think i'll be sending out anymore spaceships.
i'll stay on earth and study for my o's.
the exploded pieces shall be space junk.
i might try again after december when i can afford distractions.
i wanna be happy.
not sit here and mourn about what is lost.
all this will not pay off.
if i study now, i get paid in a year.
i wanna be one of those crying tears of joy in the hall next yr.
and all the rotten oranges will be looking on, scared to death.
that is something that will get me rewards.

looking on the bright side,
this very ironic thing.
his phrase, "you didnt lose him, he lost you."
im giving it back now.
you lost someone who still loved you.
i lost someone who had no more interest in me.
you can try to figure out who lost more.

excusas.

2006-02-11T05:25:00.000-08:00

shho siickk.
hahaxX.
im typing like that to irritate elaine.
and i told xuelin to do it to her too.
she must be going crazy.
shho farnn.

i think i lack perseverance and determination.
like mr chng's spaceship theory.
i think i forgot to bring a second engine.
cant start it now.
how ?

today i went for tuition.
its actually rather fun.
kinda enjoy it.
but quite lazy to crawl outta my house also.
mr lim is a fun guy.
keeps making fun of his own baldness.

i kinda forced denny to go with me to bugis.
which brings me to my lack of engine.
despite saying i wouldnt give a fck abt valentines,
i went and got a present anyway.
more like presents.
i put so much effort into it.
went around shop to shop to find stuff.
all the way from bugis to amk, to find more stuff.
somewhat like a gift with many pieces.
thot it would be more sincere.
wonder if it will be appreciated.
but i did have enough self control not to call him.
i wont do it.
even if i melt into a puddle with the crazy urge.
but i really want to be strong.
if you dont care, neither do i.
im sick of being the clingy one.

argh.
im going mad with all this thinking.
my brain is gonna explode.
when im alone, i think a lot.
mostly negative stuff.
and its really getting me down.
i dont know if im pissed or just sad.
i can just scream my head off now.
grr.

my results suck.
i do want to do well.
i want to be an overachiever.
i want to get a single digit L1R5.
do you think i want to get 15 and go to SR ?
I DONT.
i try, i really do.
but sometimes its just not enough.
dont you get it ?
i know i cant give up on this just like how i tend to give up on relationships.
im a loser.
im willing to keep slogging on,
but the journey just seems so long and hard and i just need some encouragement.
guess nobody treasures me as much as i treasure them.

has the world turned so practical ppl have stopped doing sweet little things for each other ?
im gonna do it anyway.
ppl who matter to me are gonna get some form of encouragement.
valentines may not be good to me.
but im gonna be nice on valentines and make ppl feel loved.
because i cant do it for myself and nobody is bothering to do it for me.
if i cant have it, i can at least give it to ppl.
im gonna write notes.
got cute jack skellington paper.
everyone is gonna get some form of encouragement.
because i really love and appreciate ppl who are given to me.
so all of yall are gonna feel loved.
nice little gestures can really make ppl's days.
so i shall play the santa on valentines.
hope im appreciated.

predictable.

2006-02-10T02:19:00.000-08:00

usually, when i get hurt, i hit back.
but ironically, most of the time,
i get hurt by people closest to me.
im sentimental.
i cant bear to hit back to them.
so what do i do ?
i withdraw.

this is madness.
im disillusioned now.
defeated, down, demoralised.
its not supposed to be like this.
when a part of your life is down,
there should be another part you can turn to.
but what happens when more than one major part of your life isnt functioning at the same time?
i dont know.
cos my jiemeis have never failed to be there for me,
even when everything else slaps me in the face.
i hate the feeling of being rejected.
god forbid the jiemeis not to have time for me.
i dont know what i'd do.

im rather sick and tired.
studies is really getting me down.
was rather happy in the morning.
i qualify for both sciences.
wont be advised to drop.
yeah, i'll remain a pure sciences student.
but after the o level results, i was so sad !
some people may not understand.
but everyone in the hall will be able to feel it.
people around me were near tears even tho we werent the ones getting the results.
its just the atmosphere.
this time next year, we'll be the ones getting freaked out.
the results this year are rather hard to live up to.
83.3% distinction for chem. 100% pass.
I MISS MRS ONG !
couldnt find her anywhere after the announcements.
she looks so much happier.
perhaps dunman high have smart ppl, easier to teach bah.

i am so unconfident of matching up this year's results.
i have this feeling that im going to get 15 !
shit man.
cant even qualify for cj.
oh man.
hope my instincts are wrong this time.
we cant even match the passing percentage.
25 ppl failed the QT !
its way below o level standard.
understand my anxiety for my studies ?
if you dont, fine.
nothing i can really say.
im gonna work really hard now.
its not my fault if anyone get neglected cos im only being practical.

i am fragile, you know ?
when it comes to certain people, they can hurt me with just a little thing.
if i didnt care, i really wouldnt get upset.
im so sick of being some despotic freak.
every single time, i have to initiate a meeting.
i have to ask you out.
am i too old-fashioned or is it against the normal flow of things ?
i dont want it to be like that.
is it too much to ask for to show a little interest ?
each time i have to ask you.
and then you decide whether you want to come out or not.
is it fair to me ?
its enough for me.
i shall not bother to initiate anything anymore.
if you want to see me, you'll call me.

im not reading too much into the bulletin.
its just the way things are.
i dont think i have high expectations.
i have lowered a lot of expectations.
im so used to receiving so much and im making so many changes.
is it not enough ?
i really do think that little things mean a lot.
a little thing can make me happy.
at the same time, a little thing can hurt me.
you may think im exaggerating.
im sorry thats the way i am.

you may not understand this.
im gonna throw myself into my studies now.
i really wanna do well and get into a good jc.
if you dont want a nerd, theres nothing i can do.
theres only so far back i can bend.
if you think valentine's day is ridiculous,
we wont celebrate it.
simple as that.
i dont want to force you.
nobody will be happy.

do you know i go out of my way to cancel other ppl's appointments for you ?
do you know how hurt i am when you dont feel like coming out ?
do you know that "another day" is damn insincere ?
i know you dont understand why when they say i zhong se qing you.
cos you just dont feel it.
im putting so much into this.
why dont you feel it ?
you say its not enough.
but do you know not everything is physical ?
i dont mind that you dont call me or see me everyday.
i dont mind that you dont drown me in sweet talk.
but is even seeing you once a week too much to ask ?
if it is then theres really nth i can say.

i really value honesty.
im glad you actually made it clear you didnt want to come out instead of giving some dumb excuse.
thank you.
but continue being honest.
if you dont want to celebrate valentine's day, tell me now.
then i can save my time.
i wont specially make time to find a present on time.
hurt me now.
then i can bury myself in studies.
it will actually benefit me.

i really envy the couples around me.
can you blame me ?
priscilla and chartchai, kaixin and kelvin.
priscilla can actually throw herself whole-heartedly into her relationship.
go crazy and do so many things for chartchai.
do you think i dont want to ?
if i think it'll be appreciated, i can do such things too.
i guess im just not good in things like that.

dont expect so much from me.
i only give what i receive.
you know how easy i lose my trust over the smallest things.
at the moment, i really dont quite trust you.
its back to the "i wont expect you to come" days.
i really dont want to expect anything from you.
i'll just get disappointed nine times out of ten.
i wont try anymore.
trying hard doesnt gurantee results.
i can keep waiting for you to take the initiative for once.
you said that i can call you anytime bcos yr always free.
i wont do it anymore.
maybe you dont feel the novelty anymore and dont feel like devoting so much to me anymore.
i wont ask you for anything now.
if you feel like doing, you will just do.
if you never feel like it, i'll just keep waiting.
if you dont feel like it until november, i may just top the sch for o level.
keep it up.

if you read this,
please dont call me and tell me im thinking too much.
or being unreasonable.
i dont want to hear it again.
if you cant stand me being like this so many times,
then you dont have to handle it.
you can keep ignoring me and dont say anything.
it might be better than trying to make things clear.
and dont feel obliged to try to make things up to me.
bcos after i forgive and forget, things go back to the same again.
dont come and talk to me bcos i said so.
dont come and ask me why.
i dont really want to explain myself again and again to you.
in the end, it feels like im the one in the wrong.

dont accuse me of having mood swings or pms.
i cant have pms all year round.
if i feel like that time and again,
maybe im not the only one at fault here.
its time to pay a little attention to me.
maybe if the girlfriend doesnt get attention,
its not worth being the girlfriend.
is all the fun only in the chase ?
then i never want to stop the chase.
forget it.

im saying so much.
if you really feel that you did nth wrong,
then im probably doing this for nothing.
ive wasted my time.
do you know how stressed i am now ?
what i need is for you to be there for me and understand me,
not add to my problems.
ive said what i wanted to say.
you always seem to be able to change my mind.
i never get to say what i want to say.
so i shall vent everything here so that you can really see what i feel.
i dont care if everyone else knows cos whats important is that you can see it.
if you've really lost so much interest that you dont read my blog anymore,
you probably wont see this.
but im more disappointed that i expected.

sweet intoxication.

2006-02-06T23:55:00.000-08:00

ahh.
how i long for something to revive me.
the world is so dead.
common test week is next week !
help me.
my world has turned into a routine of studying for one test or another.
everyday, i have to ask, "tmr what test?"
never does a week pass without a test.

common tests on valentines day !
argh !
15 feb tests are e maths and physics.
PHYSICS !
the subject that never ceases to kill me.
unbelievable.
i have to study for physics on v-day ?
SOMEBODY HELP ME.

my maths have so totally died.
a maths is far far beyond me.
and i slept through 2 periods of e maths tdy.
the start of a new chapter, and i missed it totally.
how ?!
this nerd isnt showing vry positive response to studies !
nerd is getting defeated by studies !

but one thing good abt my nerd-dom passport is that i've rather learned to enjoy physics.
oops.
i said it.
chapter 14 and 15 actually quite fun.
the tuition rather fun.
maybe i'll go join xiaowei's a maths tuition also.
wah.
nerd need a lot of investment sia..
then i shall be buried under days and days of tuition.
god bless me.

and good news.
NERD HAS PRODUCED RESULTS !
im so happy with my chem qt results.
i dont think i ever got a b3 for chem the whole year.
but it came at the right time.
i qualify for pure chem !
SOOOOO HAPPY.
nerd spirit !
so i shall continue to be a pure chem student.
physics..
heck lah.
im not dropping my pure sciences even if i get F9.

WHOO.
suddenly realised that "watch out, CJ" doesnt sound as nice as "watch out, SA".
aiyoh.
nvm lah.
nice or not nice.
im going to CJ anyway.
bleah.

was late today.
but good news is,
i think my favourite teacher doesnt like me anymore !
hes pretty occupied by the rotten oranges, you see.
good riddance !
wahhahahaha.
this is turning out to be quite a good year after all.
go catch them better.
i dont smoke, no gang, no family problems.
(:

i shall study harder.
the horoscope book a bit cute ah.
also know that i "san fen zhong re du".
nonono.
shall not be like that.
i will study and be nerd the whole yr, until after o level.
then im going crazy.
i swear i'll go back to my fav teacher with rainbow coloured hair.
JUST BECAUSE I CAN.
hee.

i think im going a bit crazy le.
my maths are six feet under.
and i have so much to study.
i cant let it pile up !
its madness.
im so tired everyday.
why ?
maybe got some disease.
and heart problem also.
oh, and dont forget my bladder problem.
oh no !

today i saw this organism also.
with his "brothers".
he didnt see me.
i was on the bus.
amazing yeah ?
and i thot id never see him again in my entire life.
live so near but so no fate.
want to hunt him down also cannot.
now i dont want to hunt then suay suay let me see.
a bit sian ah.
oh well.
i was wishing hed died of some std.
(heehee priscilla)
but tough luck lah.
guess i cant have it all.
i actually kept staring at him, challenging him to notice me.
why ?
i a bit guai lan lah.
want to test the reaction leh.

i keep saying i'll punch him if i see him.
but i actually dont feel the urge to.
he means nth to me anyway.
i stare and i stare..
and i realise its really over.
any feelings for him are all gone le.
dont even hate him anymore.
disgust is sure de lah.
he did leave me with many bad experiences.
and he does things that gross me out.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT HES A TWIT !
but no bad feelings, no good feelings.
hes just another stranger now.
someone for me to laugh at like MOT faces.
except this one can by luck see close up.
hahahaha.
amazing.

i'd like to see the mr OSG leh.
he amuses me so much lah !
MOT rocks, man.
maybe can recommend this lemonn.
i really will die of laughter.
gerr miish boii.
tiinkiing oBb euu.
gosh.
entertainment value is full marks sia.

anyway, i need to make another shopping trip.
mad rush of birthdays is coming le !
sooner than i expected sia.
i cant believe its here alrdy..
oh man.
and im giving out lots of valentines day presents !
some is cos i forgot to give on christmas de.
but shh.
dont tell anyone.
(:

things change.

2006-01-28T02:14:00.000-08:00

met up with some of the ex parrysians ytd.
just some of the usual suspects.
the jiemeis were all present,
with lipeng, bryan, bs, andrea.
yuhui came for a while.
cute woman.

rude ppl at compass.
you dont piss hungry ppl off, ok ?
they are already fucking pissed in the first place.
wth.
rude security guard and rude pizza hut waiter.
there were like 10 of us.
and they didnt have a table for us.
and when we were waiting outside, the security guard actually said we were obstructing the way.
since when lah ?!
the path is damn big can.
unless you tell me yr gonna drive a truck through, i think theres plenty of space.
they're just prejudiced bcos we're a large group of TEENAGERS.
whats society's problem with youth ?
not all of us are bengs, sengs or lians.
show some respect, alright ?
how dare they fucking chase us away.
makes my blood boil.
the stupid waiter actually flipped me off.
told me to go to swensons if i wanted.
wth is his problem lah ?
i thot there was this GEMS thing going on.
if i were from buyers choice, compass point would be condemned.

went to ps instead.
ate at pizza hut anyway.
oh yeah.
elaine gave me a treat.
nice elaine.
haha.
the doufu hearted.
she had to leave rather early.
and she went to m'sia early today.
hais.
suddenly rather miss her.
must rmb not to reject her invitations.
cos its not worth psing my jiemei to get psed by someone else.
me and duck got her cute presents.
but the amount like not rather enough.
must rmb to give her a treat.
maybe ice cream, yeah ?

went shopping tdy.
bought this roxy shorts at only 20+.
there was a 60% discount.
wow.
dont ask me why.
limited patterns.
i like this pair with a checked pattern, but there wasnt one in my size.
sorry angeline.
im NOT jealous.
tho i love the pants a lot, i dont actually want to grow to a size 10 to fill it.
duck and angeline bought a pair each too.

i like those shoes with the pointed front.
they're so cute.
and they look so good with jeans.
one day i'll buy a pair.
wait for me save money lah.
i promised to give my mum all the money i collect this new yr.
just my part of being filial.
i spent so much money on clothes and stuff.
bought a pair of haivannas too.
they're like 40 bucks a pair.
but they're nice and comfortable.
the circle circle things on the bottom a bit like crocs.
haha.

i love my mummy.
she says shes vain.
and she vain for me also.
thats why shes so willing to spend money on my clothes and stuff.
i like that.
i benefit a lot, yeah ?
haha.

came back ard 3 or 4.
never come back so early before sia.
but bopian.
reunion dinner today.
was a great meal !
and have to thank duck's mum for driving me home.
shes nice.

angeline went to meet her rubbish king.
they watched i not stupid too tgt.
i wanna watch !
wonder if its nice.
i saw him tdy.
hes weird.
looks like his best friend just died or sth.
lighten up dude.
maybe he just looked in a decent mirror and cracked it.
oh well.
jie an shun bian.
you were born like that.
and theres always plastic surgery.
:D

tmrs new year alrdy.
for someone who has been waiting for it since november,
im not very excited.
way too stressed.
mentally, emotionally, physically stressed.
i do need to go jogging.
at least theres the new clothes to look forward to.
i love clothes.

sian.
rubbish king may not be the best looking guy.
but hes not the worst.
rmb ah wei ?
yeah..
thats HORRIBLE.
hes the worst looking person in the world.
and he isnt THAT bad to angeline.
at least he was there when he said he would be.
though the fifty-dollar bears were unnecessary,
look on the bright side.
its actually quite sweet in a stupid way.
and i did say id support him.
hais angeline..
rmb the ups and downs we were talking abt ?
i hope yr still up.
cos im down again.
its sad.
i think a plane with a broken wing cant really take off far, yeah ?
can go up a few centimetre, then go down.
maybe it will bounce occasionally but i think no use to keep trying, right ?

i dont wanna think so much.
but ive been thinking abt the past a lot.
i feel like ive aged so much over the year 2005.
esp in the end of yr holidays.
its unbelievable.

if that failed attempt at a relationship with the lemonn gave me anything,
its the inability to take lies.
you might have thot itd make me immune to lies.
because there really were a lot.
instead, i have become so intolerant towards it.
lies put me off more than anything.
because ive been lied to so many times,
i get REALLY pissed off when someone lies to me again.
id rather you tell me the whole fucking truth and hurt me.
than lie to me and hurt me even more.
i dont believe in white lies.
white lies are just cleaner lies.
they're still knives capable of hurting, just not as sharp.
i DESPISE lies.
they really bother me.
its like osmosis.
lies go through and really get under my skin.
JUST STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME.
get it ?

yr scent imprinted onto my being.

2006-01-21T06:17:00.000-08:00

someone told me to start with this:
today, i went out with john egoman.

a bit lack of creativity, yeah ?
not my style sia.
like primary school writing.
bleah.
but i did lah.
haha.

visited elaine first.
was so late le.
priscilla was there with winnie, kenneth, elijah, hafiz and tzuling.
eating swensons' sia.
not bad ah..

during ytd tp visit,
so qiao ran into joanna.
elaine also went !
haha.
but she a bit later.
and lousy woman actually thought she had transport back.
haha.

tp was crazy.
i really do have crazy friends.
hafiz who keeps wanting to battle rap.
xiaowei who keeps telling me to stop acting cute.
liyong who keep insisting im his best friend.
yuhui who cracks me up by saying the STUPIDEST, most NONSENSICAL things.
like how amazing it is that a box can make sound.
oh wow, its a radio !
and yenju, dont need to say.
shes a crazywoman.
winnie going on with her "repeat after me".
and priscilla repeating her newly learned word, ADULTEROUS.
wahhahahahaha.

but basically, the thing was boring.
we only did engineering school, and we did the tour before !
the talk was exactly the same, and we visited all the places.
yeah.
but the guide was good.
let us go rather early.

heavy goodie bag.
dumped my bag for johnson to carry.
huimin thot i gave it back to the tp ppl.
sorry hor lao niang not so brave.
and its extremely rude also.
im so polite and demure.
i dont do such things.
winnie say he quite cool sia.
goodgood.

so hot weather ytd.
was sticky frm the pe run in the morning.
sucked.
but went with duck and johnson to tampines mall.
we bought elaine's presentS.
so cute and fitting lor.
we put a lot of effort into it !
i wrapped them up in pink wrapper and put it in a pink plastic bag.
wrote a note on orange paper, in pink pen.
haha.
but it looked a little reddish lah.
pink on orange not very obvious.
happy belated birthday, my dear.
(:

didnt get to take neoprints tdy.
tho it was my main objective.
oh well.
blame myself for being late..

saw so many ppl i know tdy.
i saw jindou at the bus stop !
rather anti-social yeah..
saw zhiwen, mingde and yuan cong at j8.
forgot to return zhiwen his money.
saw ivy too.
think she didnt see me.

hung out with priscilla and chartchai.
winnie dont want two-in-one light bulb.
haha.

four of us went to lido.
movie started 5.30.
had plenty of time to walk ard.
so we split up.
like nth much leh.
walked ard the DFS galleria.
then far east, which is freaking crowded.
then back to galleria to sit and rot.
priscilla and chartchai still walk all the way in the opposite direction.
rather dilligent ah..

memoirs of a geisha is a great movie.
but i think now the japanese-accent english is rather stuck in my head.
maybe soon i'll start talking like that.
its nice until this stupid war part that is totally unnecessary.
if it ended there, it would be perfect.
suddenly the perfect geisha thing ruined.
bleah.
and sooooo draggy.
two and a half hours lor.
sit until i butt pain.
priscilla and chartchai still so loving.
haha.
someone complain i not loving !
sad life.

going home, split again.
dont know we go out to hang out tgt or walk separately sia.
but i dont mind lah.
maybe better off.
didnt get to talk to priscilla much.
but can talk anytime what.
see her everyday.
some precious moments not everyday can have de right..
haha.

poor thing hor, egoman.
have to take so many bus, walk so far to send me back.
almost like some long distance relationship.
chartchai and priscilla so convenient.
can frm her house walk home leh.
frm my house walk to tampines, tmr morning also havent reach.

also need to say this.
egoman is really egoistic.
haha.
humble is NOT yr middle name.
nononono.
i also cannot say i vomit blood.
cos bobby has taught me that blood is precious, can donate.
and must clean the floor myself sumore.
still say i got aids, is dirty blood.
sorry lah hor.
innocent little girls like me dont have aids.
ppl who go ard marrying sri lankan black girls then got.

rather tired now.
but i really had a great day.
really is little things that make girls happy.
haha.
the bulletin is so accurate.
but the "girls always win" part is so not true.
cos i get threatened and tortured and nobody save me !
i always lose.
wonder why.
haha.

qt on monday.
im screwed.
ah whatever.

jesus of suburbia

2006-01-18T05:15:00.000-08:00

i changed my blogskin !
rather obvious, yeah.
what a hard choice.
nowadays really got a lot of nice skins.

my blog is damn boliao.
basically abt my pointless existence.
to think someone is looking for a long lost sister here.
is this some kinda mistake ?
so paiseh-ing.
my blog is full of nonsense !
actually got ppl other than certain bored organisms that read it.
shall mind what i say, then.

basically, im supposed to be being a nerd.
doing my hw.
im halfway through an a maths paper.
but the pencil's down and im slacking away.
oh man.
what happened ?!

been a rather exciting week.
and im only halfway through.
gonna get more exciting.
with big tests coming up and stuff.
argh.
im dying !

shall not slack any longer.
needa do a maths and english !
the nerd strikes back !

L.O.V.E.

2006-01-14T05:32:00.001-08:00

school has started to kill me.
hw is mad !
currently im slacking.
hopefully i'll feel like doing hw later.

hung out with xuelin and chengting today.
chengting is a stupid woman.
she sucks.
she slapped me because of a guy !
ungrateful brat.
to think i treat her so well.

i bought this 70 bucks jeans frm fox.
mum screamed at me for it.
oh well.
let her bah.
used to her crazy mood swings.
thats where i inherited mine.

woke up feeling horrible today.
ytd went running.
im so out of form.
1km almost killed me.
rather bad timing too.
shoulder ache, stomach cramps, and sore legs.
couldnt even walk properly.
shows how long i havent exercised.
lucky i nvr headache.
otherwise really aching frm head to toe.
now only shoulder to toe.

friday the thirteenth ytd.
this yr got 2 times leh !
sad life.
13 happens to be a rather memorable day.
someone dont want to celebrate monthly with me !
bleah.
its ok lah.
gets sian.
but next month sure must de.
why ?
cos next day is 14 le.
i nvr demand two presents vry gd le.

frm now on, i shall be obedient.
cos punishment sucks.
no mercy de !
not fair ah ?
shall really try to be good.
yesyes.
and must be more loving correct ?
i shall try next time.
hahahaha.
gonna be hilarious.

blue bear from china is cute.
has a crooked nose.
but that makes him special.
haha.
hes my precious now.

went to cut hair tdy.
my mum criticised my haircut too.
hmm.
i thot theres no difference sia.
who knows what she's thinking ?

i saw something tdy.
this guy.
hes been making me rather sick lately.
how could i have subject myself to his torture ?
oh man.
to think i actually used to call him "dear".
note to self.
i shall not be itchy-fingered and go click on ppl friendster when i see them on friend-tracker.
i used to think hes so goodlooking.
now he just looks like some candidate for MOT.
he calls himself 'lemonn'.
gosh.
what is this world coming to ?
he and his 'nerdd'.
sorry hor, you ppl dont know whats a nerd.
nerds are aiming for SA, not dropping out of sch.
sad life, yeah ?
and you can take the "free at last" off alrdy.
im glad yr free. congrats.
i feel so sick.
how could such a creature have been part of my life ?
having an egoman is so much better than having a monster.
at least i know im over him.
a million times over, to the point of repulse.
they are pitiful.
pity them.

twits.
hate them.
pity them.
but we need balance in the world, yeah ?
like for every ugly person, theres a good-looking person.
for every stupid person, theres a smart one.
what to do ?
they are needed for a balanced world.
bopian right.

oh yeah.
and i desperately need physics tuition.
im not gonna flame teachers.
but i do need help.
HELP ME.

i am extremely excited abt new yr.
oh yeah.
i have a new observation abt void decks.
in tampines, void decks are crowded and noisy.
every few minutes, when you feel like attacking someone,
ppl will walk past.
unfortunately, the victim gets tortured anyway.
this is gonna be funny for the jiemeis or regular readers of my blog since my tkd days,
who understand the irony.
there is taekwondo on friday night there !
haha.
look at this, man.
hanging at the VOID DECK at TAMPINES getting disturbed by TKD kids.
pretty much sums it up, yeah ?
rather coincidental.
and it was on friday the thirteenth.
how do i not believe in karma ?

grr.
i like elmo.
haha.
totally random.
idk.
PCD rocks.
cheers.

i survived !

2006-01-08T02:20:00.000-08:00

ok.
to start off,
elaine is right beside me.
yeah.
thats a lame thing that jiemeis always say.
somehow, someone is always beside someone else.
i wonder why.

alright.
first week of school down.
another..
i dont know.
elaine says 51 weeks to go.
maybe 45 after minusing the after exams part.
sad life !

elaine's singing is irritating.
esp since the song is damn high.
help.

first week went by quite smoothly.
for all of us, i think.
elaine escaped the hairnet.
wonderful.
i made it through rather unscathed too.
havent had any encounters with prem yet.

but better be careful yeah.
nowadays a lot of ppl sick !
got bird flu going ard..
someone must have brought it here frm a holiday !
hahahaha.
yuhui is sick !
and the big monkey is sick too.
but i think monkey and humans have different symptoms.
monkey sick, still can run around.
wonder why.

its time to take out thermometers.
careful catch bird flu..

at the moment,
im rather at peace with schoolwork.
im a nerd !
i have crossed the border to nerd-dom.
i shall keep this motivation consistent.
shall even study for chinese.
no more alice, no more slacking.
i want to get a distinction for chinese so i can salvage my L1R5.
currently havent bought my books.
but i will !

been a few changes in teachers this yr.
4i has sad life.
we have a lot of lousy teachers.
and bad geographic location also.
how can they ill-treat us like that ?
we are also the hope of this batch leh !
cannot neglect us for 4a mah..

elaine is extremely noisy.
she keeps singing.
must be feeling rather musical today.
sadly, i dont feel shes vry musical.

elaine says shes vry cheerful and brightens up my life.
she says without her, the sun will only shine half as bright.
elaine says im a honest, evil person.
i deny the evil part.
i copied elaine.
give her a little credit.

actually, i have nth to blog abt.
just trying to make a new post.
which ended being full of elaine.
sad life.
elaine denies the sad part.
she says she made my day.
haha.
rather lah.

my life a bit boring, yeah ?
maybe thats a bit of sacrifice lah.
cos im a nerd now mah.
yes.
but i did take one day to go to town.
rather guilty.
cos when i waiting for cab to come home,
two SA ppl walked past me.
trying to remind me that im supposed to be nerding right ?
but that day after i go home i did my ss !
i did my part for nerding.
thats good.

oh, and i accomplished sth.
i bought yenju's present.
haha.
maybe i'll finally wrap priscilla and winnie's presents.
tonight.
haha.
lazy.

oh yes.
tmr is the first e maths test.
mr chng's present on the first day of school.
i hope i do alright.
im not having any trouble with the first chapter.
maybe its just easy textbook examples.
must read qns carefully.
keep getting tricked by the book.

alright.
thats the furthest i can drag.
i really have nth to blog.
ta.

first day of sch.

2006-01-03T05:33:00.001-08:00

finally back to sch.
zzzzz.
its not very fun, yeah ?
but i had my good start !
(:

new yr resolutions arent working very well.
and tdy is only the 3rd.
i still hate kids, and im still a cold bitch when it comes to dealing with them.
esp my cousins, yeah ?
they dont speak my language !
basically i have to talk to them in hokkien.
but i dont think i spoke a single word to those two brats.
they're gone tdy.
haha.

im not in the studying mood either.
glad that i eluded capture and possible torture.
grooming problem again.
its not my fault if i dont wanna tuck my shirt in like william hung.
or tie my hair in his receding style.
and wear my socks like im going to play soccer.
yeah, its my fault for wearing earsticks and putting five extra holes in my ear.
i'll admit that.
which is why i remove them before spotcheck, yeah ?

im not a bad student. REALLY.
but im glad ms faridah forgot abt sending me and ellice up on the stage,
where other offenders were.
it would have foiled my plans to start on a clean slate.
imagine my fav dm smiling at me, saying,
"GOOD MORNING."
oh man.
what a nightmare.

im gonna be good.
no more trouble.
i bought many clips tdy.
gonna be a nerd, yeah ?

got many presents !
yuhui bought me a jack skellington head plushie.
ITS SO CUTE !
i love it.
i love yuhui.
haha.

priscilla bought me earrings and a necklace.
winnie got a cute doggie and a lollipop !
yenju got me earrings.
glittery shiny hoops.
im so into different coloured hoops lately.
perfect timing, yeah ?
love you guys.

feel so guilty abt not getting them presents.
im lazy to wrap pris and winnie's christmas gifts.
havent bought winnie's bday gift.
havent got denny, yuhui and yenju christmas gifts.
and im broke again.
what a sad life !
im a horrible friend.
IM SORRY !

i shall get my shopping done.
real soon.
i'll beg, borrow, steal and rob.
i promise.
mostly gonna borrow lah.
hehe.
and li chengting owes me ten bucks !

yeah.
thats basically it.
and priscilla seriously gotta stop talking abt 11, yeah ?
haha.
and hope yuhui gets better frm her "bird flu".
congrats to naqiah for being chairperson too.
(:

thats basically it.
gonna have an early night and get up fresh to be nerd tmr.
and prepare for second spotcheck.
im still determined not to encounter mr prem.
i shall keep a low profile.
shhh.
(:

new years eve.

2005-12-31T23:21:00.000-08:00

bid 2005 farewell for 2006 is here !
woohoo.
i dont know if its a good thing or bad thing.
cos 2006 means o levels.
im gonna become a nerd, i promise.
study study study.

to clear things up first,
i got the block no. wrong.
its 498 not 698.
sorry.
but i got the L correct, yeah ?
hehe.

my com is cooperating again.
dont know when its gonna conk out again.
let it be soon, so that i have one less distraction.
im gonna be a nerd, rmb ?
haha.

shall talk abt yesterday.
went to angeline's house in the afternoon.
elaine and chengting were there.
headed straight for com.
haha.
just like duck in her no-com days.
angeline's keyboard really sucks.
elaine was encouraging me to spoil it so she'll get a new one.
haha.

hung ard for a while.
duck and xuelin came.
chengting was talking to me abt GTA.
a rather interesting topic, yeah ?
and she gave me a lousy belated christmas present.
with a stupid note.
she sucks.
but i love her.
haha.

duck had to leave rather early to go for some family gathering.
shes currently having a family gathering too.
sad life.
her family seems to gather every other day.
wonder why.

angeline and elaine bullied chengting like hell.
lousy angeline keep calling for halftime, yeah ?
haha.
had to call xuelin frm the opposite room for reinforcements.
protect our beloved !
oh, and they kept hitting the dustbin and saying its jeff.
sad life, yeah ?

poor chengting kept getting bullied.
elaine and angeline are horrible.
but angeline is worse.
haha.
elaine asked me to say it !
oh yes, and the doufu heart is currently with me again.
shes reading the stupid picture book i used for a book review.

left ard 5.30 to meet the horrible egoman.
took cab to amk before taking mrt, but was late anyway.
sorry lah.
you'll soon be immune to it.
haha.
dont worry, i resolved to be punctual.
denny and egoman will benefit the most frm it.

met up at city hall.
it was freaking crowded.
I DO NOT HAVE A LOUSY SENSE OF DIRECTION.
actually, i have, but dont say out mah.
hurt my feelings..

walk ard hunting for somewhere to eat.
haha.
was such a difficult job.
i know im fussy, yeah.
sadly, you gotta put up with it.
finally settled for this weird place.
WAH! noogee house.
dont ask me why the name is like that.
i think its rather stupid.

after eating, walk again.
did a lot of walking, yeah ?
walk frm city hall mrt to carlton hotel,
then back to suntec.
saw bobby at toys r us.
haha.
sad life, yeah.
i never ever see people i know when im out to town.
what a rare occasion.

thot abt watching movie, but decided against it.
sorry, im not a king kong fan.
it would have killed time, tho.
three hour movie.
in the end just sat at a bench outside suntec.
the laser show at the fountain was rather fascinating.
haha.
and there were nice songs !
i could even bear with the extra voice in my ear, yeah.
not bad not bad.

johnson the egoman is truly horrible.
HORRIBLE.
CRUEL.
to think i treat you so well.
how dare you threaten and torture me.
so disappointed.
but sadly, i dont succumb to threats and blackmail.
can ask elaine.
i blackmailed her back.
haha.

decided to go to his place and catch the match.
man u vs bolton.
made it just in time.
but suffered again because he read the previous post.
sad life.
im an innocent girl who dont tell lies alright.
only make an exception for elaine the doufu heart.

man u won, btw.
who says they wont score because im watching ?
haha.
4-1 hor.
and the first goal was a own goal by bolton.
n'gotty.
haha.
they equalised, but saha scored, followed by a ronaldo brace.
CRISTIANO RONALDO ROCKS !
hes the best, man.
(:

perfect ending to a good year,
watching my favourite devils win.
also the perfect start to a new year.
hope the year ahead promises to be as exciting and pleasing.
HAPPY 2006 !

BETTER OFF ON MY OWN.

2005-12-30T23:03:00.000-08:00

my com is down !
what a sad life.
i have inherited duck's sad life !
my com refuses to cooperate with blogger.
sad life.

and by popular demand,
or rather someone's pestering,
i have decided to talk abt my christmas day.

rotted for half a day in the morning.
rot rot rot.
until abt 5, go to serangoon station.
brought along the TOPMAN bag.
haha.
along the way, waylaid by bobby.
rather hyper, quite amazed by my present.
sorry, not for you.
its for the guy who was wearing a sweater in the hot weather.
yeah. haha.

took bus to tampines.
long journey, yeah ?
saw the blessed christmas thing on tv mobile.
there was rosie and her chu,
aka me and joanna.
niuniu and xiaolu.
hahahhaha.

long walk in from the bus stop.
got scared along the way.
WHO WOULDNT BE SCARED ?!
kena cheated and cajoled up to the 9th floor.
haha.
i rmb leh !
block is 698L or M.
haha. oops ?
shd be L lah..

scared, dont dare go in.
so i wasted a lot of time at the corridor.
and SOMEONE was no help !
must encourage me mah.
still got some maid smiling at me frm 8 floor.
wth lah.

but i finally entered the house.
i crossed the threshold !
i did !
ok, i shall say this.
EGOMAN'S HOUSE IS BIG AND NICE.
happy ?
hahaha.
but its really nice lah.
compared to my lao pok house.
and the train set is big.
quite cool lah.
tell yr dad, sia.
then he will be impressed with me.
hahahaha.

there were rather a lot of ppl in the house that day.
two grandmas, yeah ?
and his bro was entertaining some friends.
so i basically hid in the room.
the room is nice.
sadly, its shared so its rather cramped.
but its still nice.
esp the postcards on the wall and the high chairs.
cool decor.
im being so nice !
better know how to repay, yeah ?

dinner was nice.
his mother very hospitable, yes.
kept me at the table for dessert when i couldnt even finish the turkey.
she was telling me,
"this one very nice, johnson make one."
haha.
not bad ah.
breadman, egoman, umbrellaman, still can be fruitman.

stayed quite late.
basically rotting in the room only.
but its entertaining.
what an open-minded mother.
unlike mine.
bleah.
sad life.

cab fare sucked.
cab here and cab back..
so ex.
next time i shall pay my own cab fare.
rich kid so what ?
keep taking cab also will broke de.

ok i blogged.
happy ?
its damn difficult with angeline's lousy keyboard hor.
and so many ppl disturbing me.
sad life.

oh, and ms mok cancelled phycis !
which basically means im dead.
the qualifying tests are gonna kill me and im dropping to combined sci.
mr ong gonna take us for chem next yr.
and homeroom system is gone !
i enjoyed it lor..
walk ard then wont so sleepy mah.
but i still slept a lot in class this yr.
wonder why.

ok, new yr resolutions
1. i will be punctual. i will try, really.
2. i will study. O LEVELS ! im gonna strive for sajc.
3. i will spend less and save more.

basically those are the main ones.
i have these three banes in my life.
im lazy, always late, and a horrible spendthrift.
i shall try to change these habits.
and i shall try to be nicer to everyone too.
sometimes i feel like an intolerant bitch, esp with kids.
yes, i shall be nicer to kids.

oh, and i shall stop telling lies.
esp to ELAINE.
who is right beside me, with her delicate doufu heart SPLATing all over the floor.
okok.
thats it.

shall be counting down to 2006 tonight.
welcome the new year, and see off the old.
and cny is coming early, which is exciting.
looking forward to it !
HAPPY NEW YEAR !
(:

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

2005-12-24T08:14:00.000-08:00

a delightful christmas eve i spent in elaine's house.
yesyes.
my jiemeis bring me such joy.
(:

i blogged abt the exciting week after dead city.
but apparently,
the com refused to cooperate with me.
hmph.
yeah, bobby, i get yr point.
so i shall leave that part out, you see.
the excitement has rather died down, anyways.

anyways.
back to the wonderful christmas eve.
wasnt as crowded as past yrs.
guess all the planning effort was pumped into chalet.
so this yr, christmas party was a quiet affair.

morning, went to collect specs first.
yeah.
but im not gonna wear it out anyway.
vainpot.
haha.
which reminds me, i havent given sugi his chance to small white face.
yesyes.
must remember.

then to ps to meet johnson.
with the three cakes, yes.
nvm not i carry anyway.
went to get the need for speed BLACK EDITION.
yes, stress on the BLACK EDITION.
cos its BLACK.
amazing.

then i was stranded because nobody was at elaine's.
so we went back and rotted at elaine's void deck.
see, i cant run frm void decks.
they're everywhere.
and good places for couples, you see.
its windy.
and passers-by tend to pretend they dont see anything.
and the fact is, they dont have anything to see anyway.
yeah.
(:

its really fun.
haha.
i shall apologise for the "bloody breadman" phrase in previous posts.
cos apparently, someone is rather offended by it.
so, i shall substitute "bloody" with "lovely".
haha.
say "lovely" with the british accent, yeah ?
its BLOODY cute.

but i shall still stick with my stand.
breadman, now EGOMAN,
is the champion bullshitter.
its true, my dear.
but its totally laughable, so yeah.
its forgivable.

then joanna came running to us.
all wet and duckishly auntie.
haha.
so EGOMAN went off and i went up with duck.
presents were exciting, yeah.
haha.

the rest of them came.
angeline damn slow.
everyone waiting for her.
but we opened presents !
that was exciting, man.

weiwei the ungrateful brat didnt come.
but i made a present for him !
sad life, yeah ?
chengting didnt get any presents..
xuelin's present for me was delayed.
angeline and elaine shared a CHUNKY bracelet for me.
AND me and duck exchanged our TOPSHOP gifts.
haha.
thongs, yeah.
how nice.
hers is QUACKERS and mine is HOHOHO.
the spirit of christmas, yeah ?
but QUACKERS can be used anytime.
haha.

then a lovely dinner.
there was turkey, spaghetti, and PRAWNS.
sad life that weiwei wasnt there.
but i had a fork and a spoon, so i was perfectly capable of peeling my own prawns.
yeah.
be proud of me !
the champagne tasted like wine.
suspiciously like the one i drank at priscilla's house.
oh, that was a horrible experience.
having the mother of all headaches, dying in priscilla's toilet floor,
which was nice and clean, btw,
while MAN U WERE WINNING ON TV IN THE ROOM !
oh what a horrible, horrible thing.
yeah.
so i stuck to my coke.
which is caffeinated, btw,
which explains why im so high at 1 am in the morning.

after that, was bridge.
we're so addicted to that game.
played until joanna left.
one of the cakes went with her.
the other went home with chengting, who is now a chao ah lian.
yesyes.
sad life.

elaine is HEARTLESS and CRUEL and HORRIBLE.
she kept killing me.
what a sad life to partner with her.
it was ok, actually.
cos angeline is the usual target.
but after she left to countdown with her RK,
elaine keep choosing me to be her partner when shes dying !
how HEARTLESS.
i keep losing, man.
sad, sad life.
guess i wasnt in luck.

played all the way until 11 plus.
then came home.
haha.
christmas presents are really a bit pathetic this yr.
oh, and uncle lee gave the best present !
$10 in a red packet.
yes, what can go wrong with cold, hard cash ?
haha.
i love it.

all my presents are almost given out too.
but the best one is still in my cupboard.
haha.
give a clue..
its in a blue teddy bear wrapper,
in a bright green TOPMAN bag.
hmm.
wonder whats the thing abt TOPSHOP and TOPMAN that has me spending recently.
another clue..
im gonna give it away FINALLY tmr.
the recipient has been rather impatient, yeah ?
wonder who it is, man.
haha.

the holidays are ending.
gonna have fun while i can.
cos after chionging hw..
and new yrs countdown,
im gonna focus on the bloody o levels.
no more slacking le.
im gonna be serious for once, cos i care abt my future.
billy needs a back-up, you see.
haha.
lets see what fun tmr brings.

oh yes.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE.

P.S. elaine is heartless. and she drew bread on my christmas card. wth. haha.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

2005-12-17T04:53:00.000-08:00

all i want for christmas is..
my two front teeth ?
no thanks.
i have them just fine.
you ?
haha.
romantic ah ?
but im materialistic.
here is my christmas list.
muahahaha.
TAKE THE HINT AH..

1. JACK SKELLINGTON PLUSH
price : $199.90
from : Dolls Inc., 2nd floor (i think) of Wheelock Place.
description : A large plush toy of Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas. It's damn freaking BLOODY cute. I'm so in love with Jack. So I'll be so in love with the person who buys it for me. wahahahaha. But let's be practical here lah hor.. Unless there's some rich ass out there hopelessly in love with me, I doubt I'll be receiving this present anytime in the near future.

2. LOUIS VUITTON HANDBAG
price : not very sure, but surely four-figure de.
from : LV retail shop at first floor of Taka. fake ones from thailand or china also can. but please make sure it looks real.
description : another one that i will not be receiving. But put there also quite nice lah hor. small small size de.. can only put a few things that kind. the base is not flat. its just a small purse that can carry on shoulder. pls not the auntie kind. I want the black or white background with colourful patterns de. Like my old blogskin... If look like fake one please dont buy. I'm not against imitation but IT MUST LOOK REAL.

3. TOPSHOP SHOULDER BAG
price : $13
from : Topshop chain. Available at wisma, isetan lido, parkway...
description : This is more practical lah.. Its this normal shoulder bag, grey and yellow stripes. Rather light coloured. A bit flimsy. Might not last long, thats why so cheapskate. But I like. (:

4. ADIDAS JACKET
price : $119 before discount. Nowadays adidas got 30% discount.. dont know apply to this jacket or not.
from : adidas retail shops. not all places have. adidas originals at pacific plaza and isetan lido have.
description : It's this colour that i LOVE. sort of blue-green like that. darker shade of turqoise bah. very nice. very ex lah hor.. but hopefully some kind soul catch the hint that I LOVE THIS JACKET. yeah. and now got discount leh.. if buy for my bday next yr i also dont mind. can share share buy...

5. JACK SKELLINGTON SLING BAG
price : $12
from : not sure. walking along orchard road one day when i saw it. some white tent outside a singtel place i think...
description : what more can i say ? ITS JACK ! any design will do, really. just make sure its not too ugly. most preferable with jack repeatedly printed. dont need sally, zero, lock, stock or barrel. just jack. (:

6. MANCHESTER UNITED TO WIN EPL
price : priceless.
from : old trafford.
description : if anyone can make this come true, i will give everything i have, man ! it doesnt depend on whether i wish for it to happen. it depends on the players. this is the hardest wish ever because FOOTBALL IS UNPREDICTABLE.

actually, i have run out of things to ask for.
dont know why leh.
i usually want so much.
but now cannot say.
why ah ?

anyways.
i also want a new handphone.
price and model negotiable.
this is is specially for my MUMMY and DADDY.
so other ppl do not need to pay attention.

if you cannot fulful any of the above,
you can also buy CDs or clothes.
i like the used, good charlotte, my chemical romance, fall out boy, sum41...
all punk rock.
im the punk rock princess, remember.
i seriously wouldnt mind a fall out boy CD.
oh yes, the used's in love and death is beautiful.
xuelin and i found out where to get it !

i wouldnt mind clothes either.
recently im in love with yellow, brown, green, blue..
of cos black and white cant hurt.
for tops i usually wear S or M.
pls allow me to breathe lah.
bottoms 26 or 27.
loose better than tight lah cos thats what belts are for.
i would like belts too.
accesories are fine.

hahahahaha.
a bit thick skin ah.
but hor, we shdnt be afraid to ask for what we want.
cos even santa will headache abt what to get mah.
somemore hor, i every yr on the NICE list.
just make the job easier for him lor.
hehe.

P.S. dont get me useless stuff like ornaments and figurines pls. my house is decorated enough thank you. AND, i want presents hor. dont cheapskate and niao with my present hor. you shall be cursed for a thousand years.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(:

falling apart to half time.

2005-12-11T06:45:00.000-08:00

two weeks.
watching christmas trees, with and without lights,
lion kings,
rubbish kings,
and sylvester sims with blue hair.
simei may be a dead city but its a rather entertaining place.

two weeks.
seems like simei has become my house.
the people there become my family.
shall not be used to not waking up at 8 tmr and taking 1hr plus of bus.
and not having to whine abt the black cloth and the damn transparent thing.
its so fun there, really.
gonna miss that.

tho the bread shop ppl grew sick of me.
there were nice ppl.
and the bubble tea shop ppl who werent so nice.
yeah.
and the group of resource-wasters just inside the entrance.
they sorta became part of my daily fixtures.

all the bosses at the disney roadshow.
crappy ppl, really.
most of them were rather nice.
like zhiwei, carpet man and UNCLE richard.
and of course our boss lah.
but onduri nvr shows up.
and the chicken little woman is just full of shit.
yeah.

each day slacking away.
playing cards, sleeping.
eating and eating and eating.
even made our own bed.
cool ehh ?
bet they nvr see such horrible workers before.
imagine koping cardboard to make a bed.
pro sia.

dont forget the printedge choir too.
consisting of me and xuelin.
occasionally the baritone duck.
yeah.
she can only croak and quack.
not very useful.
dajie is the partner.
caprice de.

basically i just had a blast there.
tho the pay rather pathetic.
and all the ppl who promised to come back cheated my feelings.
oh well.
it was really really fun.
simei really become my home le.
haha.
welcome to dead city.

now even have dajie and erjie.
hahaha.
quite fun ah..
and tdy got one huiqi also.
fun ppl, really.
heck the breadman.
dont want to talk abt him.

had some visitors..
teacher got buy things !
denny stephen, elaine, and angeline stayed whole days.
levinia visited too.
and rubbish king.
yeah.

met lots of funny customers.
had lots of fun there.
crappy ppl.

basically my brain is not functioning well now.
so thats all i can round up abt the two weeks.
when i think of more i shall repost.
yeah.
and chalet tmr too.
hmm.
shall see how things go.
bloody breadman.

goodbye black cloth.
and goodbye to the tent at the open plaza.
goodbye east point,
christmas trees, lion kings, blue-haired sly,
interesting dogs,
breadshop, bubble tea shop,
good and bad food.
yeah.
my home for two weeks !
gonna miss it.

looking forward to getting paid.
and christmas shopping.
yeah.

I AM ANGRY. HEAR ME ROAR.

2005-11-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

unbelievable.
truly truly unbelievable.
if you had the guts to.
you would have been "free" long ago.
yeah.
no need to bullshit with me.

"love you dar"
"dont want to lose you dar"

yeah.
smart hor ?
change very fast hor ?
dont forget im not stupid.
i wont deny i was rather.
to actually GOD FORBID miss you.
but guess what.
that lasted ONE DAY.
and im glad i woke up rather fast.
what a nightmare.

you fucking hypocrite.
im worth my salt as a top in sch lor.
im still smart.
do you think i didnt know sth was wrong ?
that i didnt think of house phone and public phone ?
[ thank you mr chng ]
you sleazy horny freak.
you can rot in hell and be deprived forever.

all the lies you said to me.
i was rather too stupid to see them sooner.
wouldnt have had to wait to the damn SECOND MONTH ANNIVERSARY to dump you.
go tell everyone.
say yr free.
why dont you tell them who waited for who to end it officially.
cos who didnt have the guts to say it straight out.
and who had to ask his sister to say "anything" when who did.
right.
i dont have a sister.
so do the math.

it wasnt a glorious moment for you.
dont pretend that it was.
i wanted it to end on good terms.
didnt want to be childish.
but oh well.
someone did it for me.
i shall not lower myself to that level of course.
i still have a reputation to maintain.
for the smarter minority of the population of course.
yr majority probably hails you as the champ outta this.
what can i say ?
the museum of twits says it all abt yr kind.

it was a horrible experience.
i shall deem all good memories as PLASTIC.
all faked, you see.
i dont like fake stuff.
even the real ones.
i shall forget.
dont you just hate ulterior motives ?
they make me sick.

horrible horrible experience.
i read mr chng's post abt happiness.
not a single aspect of our short and pathetic relationship fulfilled it.
and most of it was based on lies.
we saw so little of each other.
it was really pathetic.
so fake.

i shall shelf it with elaine's.
in the "not counted" cabinet.
sure he fulfilled many physical aspects.
but it ended there.
i shall start my search again.
need a sporty, tall, rich..
yeah i shall not repeat what i said to elaine.
its a rather long list.

i have cooled down.
but im not gonna go back to moping.
its so stupid cos this organism isnt even worth it.
like elaine said.
its only a waste of earth's precious resources.

and for my intellectually enabled minority, i shall address the last problem.
also the biggest problem.
i respect myself enough not to give in to you.
to yr majority im uncool and nun-ish or whatever you call it.
yeah yeah.
see if i care.

who has the last laugh eh ?
we shall see.
people who go against me dont really go far.
we shall see.
go find some cheap slut to take my place.
guess only someone like that can suit you.

thanks to you.
i now officially have something to say when ppl ask me whats my greatest mistake.

P.S. i miss chengting ! come back soon, yeah ?

GOING CRAZY.

2005-11-24T13:51:00.000-08:00

a moment of ecstacy and relief.
but what came next stopped me in my tracks.
totally contradictory.
it changed everything.
moving in different directions.
could just end it here or move on and get hurt all the same.
its just not the same as before.
we cant run from the end, only delay it.

to believe it or not.
stupidity.
to fall or emerge triumphant.
head and heart saying different things.
maybe the reason why our heads rule is because our hearts are DUMB.
yup.
they always lead us to our doom.

ITS JUST NOT THE SAME.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE.

addicted to you.

2005-11-22T19:12:00.000-08:00

my life is pretty much swamped by my jiemeis.
esp xuelin my day boyfriend.
elaine the armpit guru.
and angeline the diluted, stupid woman.

xuelin brought us to cut hair yesterday.
rather nice.
shall go there again nxt time i need a haircut.
sorry i gotta let down my david gan..
but they were good enough to pull off a miraculous feat :
make angeline's hair look better.

after cutting hair we went shopping ard town.
didnt shop much.
my mood these days have been up and down again.
was rather happy yesterday tho.
thanks to the good haircut.
i love xuelin.
(:

came home early.
cos my mum was complaining and stuff.
coffee bean rocked.
but shall not be greedy.
no more regular mochas for me.

wow.
how fast ive forgotten how happy i was yesterday.
thanks to a gloomy today.
couldnt sleep last night !
dont even know why.
barely caught two hours of sleep in the morning.
but had to wake up to meet xuelin.
she had problems sleeping too !
might be that mocha..

really gloomy day.
raining like nobody's business.
had to wear my bro's sweater to keep warm.
i do need to buy a long sleeve shirt or a jacket.
grr.
i did love that mango one.

met xuelin then took bus to angeline's house.
ran into joanna at the void deck.
which reminds me of two things.
gotta thank duck for getting me and xuelin the job.
tho we gotta plead with her boss tmr.
so we wont be stuck with 2.50 per hour.

and void deck.
i just did something rather horrible.
shall not say what.
and i found out hes sleeping.
right hes been sleeping for four days.
wow.
why dont you keep sleeping so you wont have to see me forever ?
oh wait.
you dont even have to go to that extent.

god dont you just fucking hate when you wait like,
FOUR DAYS for a damn msg.
its not even too much to ask for, is it ?
im not asking for a long essay, just a one word msg to let me know that yr freaking alive.
YES, I CARE.
acknowledge that, will you ?
i can keep staring at the phone but it doesnt fucking ring.
i was actually relieved when my phone was confiscated for a day.
and how wrong i was when i thought i would be missed.
NOT A SOUND.

i said id go for nerds next time.
those that would only hold yr hands after six months.
but oh no, ive changed my mind.
no more relationships for me.
its not worth it.
i only make myself miserable.
no boys, no girls, no nerds, no bengs.
nothing.

i just wanted someone to care for me.
to be there when i need him.
to just reply the million fucking messages i sent.
hey, even remember an anniversary.
but nope.
its too much to ask for.
so i shall not attempt to find such a person.
im giving up on relationships.
moral of the story is, THEY DONT WORK.

gosh.
even shopping wasnt enough to take my mind off him.
angeline was complaining abt her sai.
we bought new shirts tho.
that was one upside about this shitty day.

gonna be busy as far as i can see.
meeting duck's boss and winnie bday tmr.
chinablack on thur.
friday is one of the rare days i can sit down and breathe.
and show my mum i dont go out everyday.
its hard but i try.

but id gladly give this free day up for him.
the ultimatum would be on saturday tho.
if this significant day ends up in naught again.
that shall be the last disappointment i have to face.
im turning my back on relationships if it doesnt work out.
my heart is on the fucking line here.

argh.
i dont want to let go.
but i cant hold on either.
this is too much for me.

gotta thank my jiemeis for being there for me too.
angeline may have fallen into her own trap.
but only she understands exactly how i feel.
elaine and xuelin have been great too.
i love all of you.

duck, weiwei and chengting are not forgotten.
weiwei did attempt to cheer me up.
crappy attempt, but an attempt nonetheless.
duck did her best in helping me and xuelin out.
and our jj..
where do i start ?
i love her and miss her like hell.
dec 15, pls come sooner.

i love all my jiemeis.
they are the only dependable things in my life.
its unbelievable how important they are to me.
my jiemeis are my life.
should i have to lose one of them, i might just die.
looking forward to chinablack, chalet and christmas.
hopefully my heart will be in one piece again.

finally, theres this lovely song by papa roach.
it's called "scars".
i tear my heart open.
i sew myself shut.
do check it out.
(:

punk rock 101

2005-11-18T01:22:00.000-08:00

gotta talk abt yesterday.
went out with my beloved jiemeis !
had to morning call elaine..
lazy woman.

went to elaine house for breakfast and stuff.
this really funny show was on.
haha.
then xuelin came and we watched the show together.
while poor angeline there waiting for duck and weiwei.
then duck couldnt make it.

went to serangoon station.
xuelin saw her friends there.
waited for angeline and weiwei then go dhoby ghaut.
haha.
so long nvr see weiwei.
he was in a rather burnt state.
haha.
xuelin's girlfriend.

shopped around spotlight.
couldnt find much.
but we crapped a lot.
esp with the funny costumes.
and fake fruits and flowers and stuff.
rather nice lah.

me and xuelin wanted to make a bra for angeline for christmas.
but AA rather hard to make.
must put a lot of padding.
haha.
anyways we found cheapskate de for her le.
dont bother making.

went for a meal then to 77th street.
elaine pierced her ears at last !
haha.
that woman was whining and stuff.
xuelin got her third.
wonder if i should go for number 6.
might hurt.
dear says no but he doesnt seem to care.
oh well.

went shopping ard heeren and far east.
didnt manage to accomplish much.
poor weiwei was like a zombie.
haha.
kept reading his book !
xuelin found her slippers though.
frm flash and splash at heeren.
nice (:

saw a jack skellington bag too.
and finally after a nationwide search..
ta-da !
i found the used's in love and death album !
omg.
love that shop in far east.
found john cena's album there too.
discplanet i think.
gonna go back for it as soon as i have money.
really really broke at the moment.

where do i get enough money ?
birthday presents..
christmas presents..
plus my own expenses..
and my mum didnt give me money !
gosh i need a job desperately.
someone help me please.

was raining when we got home.
angeline was having a prob.
someone interested in knowing abt her bf.
haha.
had to run home in the rain.
stopped by elaine's before going home.

then tdy..
rotted half my day away.
then chun wei and denny called me out to amk.
they were eating at pizza hut with yan qing and veron.
had to squeeze in between stephen and veron.
haha.
veron was hungry !
she ordered so much food and couldnt finish.
yan qing dapao everything home..

the councillors were there too.
karan huzaifah elijah kenneth they all.
big table.
so loud and noisy..
like the whole pizza hut belonged to them.
haha.
chiang chun wei is lame.

went with cw and dst to see cw make contacts.
small eyes !
spent rather long time there chatting with the optometrists.
the two idiots so fascinated by optometry.
rather disgusting, really.

ran ard looking for the damn solutions.
needed to wash contacts.
my mum's brand so hard to find.
cos hers hard lens..
very little people use hard lens these days.
shops seldom restock.
mine rather easy find lah.

went with stephen to jubilee to hunt for it.
while cw trying his contacts.
kena bio-ed by this group of bengs.
doesnt look like spies.
thankfully.
shd be careful in case ppl get mistaken.
stephen might die.
they keep turning and staring.
if the glances were indecent in nature.
damn them.
if they recognised me.
im innocent !

had a rather long talk at popular and then at mac.
our class is so political.
trust ccw to be so observant.
hes got a girl's intuition.
stephen is so oblivious.

hais people fighting so hard for power.
im watching and waiting for you to fall.
you shall never outdo me, sad to say.
and i didnt have to fight and backstab my way through.
sometimes when you try too hard..
you just make yourself look like a despotic fool.
you want popularity, cool boyfriend or girlfriend.
what the hell does it mean anyway ?
some things if they are yours, they come your way naturally.
im waiting.
you shall fall.

what was i just about to discover ?

2005-11-14T23:20:00.000-08:00

spent my weekend in batam !
haha.
no one really missed me nia..
except maybe one.
haha.
thats enough lah hor..

go there with my mum, her sis, her cousin, and the cousin daughter in law.
full of aunties nia..
paradise for someone i know.
haha.

took a ferry there.
rather long trip.
weird that china time is same as sg..
then indonesia time is one hour slow.
haha.

reach there go my mum cousin house.
rather big.
really a culture shock.
the roads are so lousy..
like no government like that.
car anyhow cut each other lane.
then the place full of indo malays.
the toilets in the houses no flush !
must use water nia.
so not used.

dinner on the first night was good.
indo ppl dont use forks and spoons nia !
use hands.
haha.
lucky that place got forks and spoons.
even provide candles to ward off the throngs of flies.
the flies there so fat !
but the food was cheap and good.
good thing abt indo is the food rocks.
really really cheap.

aunties united gambled whole night..
my mum won a lot..
haha.
there i feel damn rich lah..
we changed 200 bucks and become instand millionaires.
haha.

rather hard to sleep there.
not very comfortable.
ill treat us nia.
water so cold and like rather dirty.
no chlorine smell..
LOL pure chem student.. grace ong shd be proud of me.
thin blankets and cold temperature !

second day they called for this massage woman.
house visit nia.
there everything damn cheap.
really like tycoons there.
chinese always better off than malays.
my mum got full body massage.
damn cheap.
like abt 12 bucks sg.
here would cost you 30 per hour.

went for a WONDERFUL breakfast.
i never liked banana.
but the goreng pisang at this place must be the best in the world.
haha.
and a lot of other delicious food.
eat until i almost burst.
and the susu chocolat rocks !
its like chocolate milk..
damn sweet !
woohoo.
the breakfast place really rocked.

visited a lot of relatives.
including one who wasnt home but didnt close door and stuff.
haha.
we were walking around the house like thieves.
and one thing i noticed..
indo has a lot of flies !
esp around food places.
bleah.

went for asam fish for lunch.
was bloated for breakfast but couldnt resist because the food was really good !
surprised i didnt gain weight.
whoever said that singapore is food paradise lied.
indonesia is the real food paradise !
batam alone can hold the title liao.
haha.

went shopping at the batam centre.
next to the ferry terminal and customs place.
specially to attract tourists nia.
rather big.
got this hypermart like giant.

cheap goods is the main attraction lah.
mostly the place very low class.
but i shop like hell at the i.D. girl.
bought wallet, slippers and shirt.
surf brands like roxy billabong rip curl paul frank..
even rusty and mooks.
haha.
didnt visit the quiksilver part.

then took a ferry home.
rather fun lah.
though at singapore customs i triggered the sensor with my belt.
haha.
when come back to harbourfront can really feel the difference.
singapore suddenly like damn high class.
haha.
pampered sg kid.

guess who was the first person i smsed ?
haha.
missed him like hell over the weekend !
you have nth to worry abt my dear..
cant even survive one weekend without you..
how to leave you ?
haha.

nice skirts at harbourfront centre !
duck must go with me !

after a long wait for taxi..
went to this super ulu place.
my uncle drove us home in a big lorry.
haha.
sg roads really different.
more order.
really a spoilt sg kid.

never realised i have so many relatives in indo.
shd visit during new year.
id be a damn rich kid..
haha.
new yr holidays are not long enough !

now let me reserve a special spot for my jiemeis.
tho we nvr go out as a complete group.
today me angeline xuelin duck and elaine.
i love them like hell.
esp the ones always there for me.
chengting and xuelin.
elaine and angeline are now closer to us.
shd be bcos of the confrontation.
no more secrets !
weiwei will be joining us on wed and for chalet.
chengting tho in china..
with us here in spirit.
we miss her like hell !

had a blast today, seriously.
jiemeis bonding is always deeply appreciated.
love you guys !

P.S. : merry christmas to priscilla in bali and good luck to winnie for her carpark !

i got too close for comfort.

2005-11-11T18:18:00.000-08:00

im feeling rather miserable at the moment.
need to take my mind off things.
before this weight suffocates me.

lets talk about these two songs im addicted to.
number one is mcfly's too close for comfort.
really a great song.
good tune, meaningful lyrics.
rather sad tho.
its about a guy losing a girl for wanting to get too close.
not the thing i should be listening to.

number two is courtesy of see tinghao.
photograph by nickelback.
i do love nickelback.
the lead singer chad krueger has a great voice.
soulful, soft rock touch thats perfect.
its about this guy looking at his old photos and reminiscing.
sentimental, wonderful.
no wonder its the number one song on radio these days, as tinghao tells me.

oh and i stole the dino frm linda yeo's classroom.
i couldnt find it anywhere.
so i just took it home when it appeared before me again.
cant blame me.
if i find one i will buy it.
and return the new one to the classroom.
im not a bad kid.

im so alone right now.
only have my little dino to pei me.
i wish chengting didnt go back to china.
at least there will be someone here to cheer me up.
elaine's busy.
xuelin's busy.
angeline and duck are busy.
jiemeis may be there for me.
but there's only so much they can do.
wei wei did a fairly good job.
but theres only so much.

yuhui seems to be rather busy these days.
nvr see her anywhere.
denny's off to kota tinggi camp !
things arent looking good.
im prepared for a lonely weekend ahead.
someone just shoot me.

ive actually found out the source of my misery.
that would be me.
yours truly.
and angeline may be the only one who understands this.
things arent looking good.
and i cant help but feel damn freaking miserable.

mood swings ?
thy name is cindy.

i dont know.
but at the moment.
i dont know if i should laugh or cry.
crying might be easier.
but i dont like crying.
i just dont know what to do.

i shdnt attempt to be happy.
each time im truly content with my life.
something comes and slaps me so i have no choice but to wake up.
im glad angeline understands.
at least someone knows what im going through.
i hurt for her.
and i hurt for xuelin too.

its really unfair.
we're just innocent young kids.
we havent done anything unforgivably bad to deserve this.
we're still growing.
we havent experienced enough to deal with such shit.
its not fair.

i realise im incredibly blessed.
to the point where i cant handle a little setback.
i hope that after this i can come out a better, more experienced person.
this is really taking up a lot of my life.
i cant sort it out.

ive neglected my bestest friend yuhui.
when people ask me where she is i find that i cant answer.
what kind of person am i ?
to be so absorbed in myself.
ive given up on so much just wallowing in self pity.

i vowed to help keene.
but ive neglected to pester him to go for lessons lately.
i underestimated him when i thought he wouldnt appreciate my help.
i thought he wouldnt care and would just throw all the worksheets i collected for him away.
but he didnt.
and i gave up on him.

liyong my student.
he bothers to do the homework i set him.
though he didnt do it in the end.
he did try.
and me..
i didnt even read the passage before i set him the compre.
it could be useless to him.
did i care ?
i have to be the laziest teacher in the world.
im not worth to be called "teacher" by a guy three yrs older than me.
especially when im just a figurehead who didnt do anything to deserve it.

screwed up.
i just feel like giving up.
but guess what ?
i cant.
and i dont even have the guts to end it once and for all.
ask me why and i'll tell you.
im useless.

too close for comfort

2005-11-10T00:30:00.000-08:00

woke up rather late today..
sat ard and rotted at home for a while.
wanted to go to angeline hse de..
but as i was leaving, i saw the man u vs chelsea match on tv !

wahahaha.
pardon me while i gloat.
it was really a great match.
my darling devils played well.
proud of them.

rushed to angeline's house.
she was having stomach pains..
duck was there too.
crap around..
talk abt some personal stuff..
then left le.

duck couldnt go with me and angeline cos she was having rashes.
though we couldnt see lah.
talk a lot with angeline on the bus.
glad there are no more secrets among us jiemeis.
what a liberating feeling.

met elaine and xuelin.
angeline had to go for her GB meeting.
so three of us went to cafe cartel.
very chocolatey ice cream indeed.
three of us dying of chocolate there..
haha.

i bought my ear sticks finally..
rather nice.
esp the black ones.
so many for only one dollar.
bleah.
cheaper better.
always getting thrown away anyway.

walk around..
crap in the seiyu at the pillow section.
me and xuelin always talking abt our house in russia.
mall in singapore.
and us being kind enough to bless our jiemeis too..

elaine will have her spiral staircase in the middle of angeline's farm.
we let her have a horse.
angeline will have to walk.
weiwei and chengting will live in their mudhouse with a hyena.
and their spoon.
angeline's farm will rear pigs and a duck.
joanna will be that one duck.
living in her one hectare pond with quality algae.
no more rashes !
haha.

me and xuelin shall travel around the world.
we so kind right.
billy darling rocks my world !

walked around some more.
cant find my purple dino that is not barney.
sat at the food court..
elaine took so many photos.
the act cute "l ur b a ble m ii ex"
and the "t hh ii nk ii ng of e uu x".
haha.
the HIGH LEVEL ENGLISH is back !

angeline meeting rather long.
so we went off without her.
sat at the bball court for a while.
xuelin went to find her friend and this hyper dog..
then elaine had to go find her mum.
i went to my void deck.
haha.
dear rocks.

our favourite 121 wet..
so went under my block.
actually wanted to go parry there walk walk de.
but rain so we sat there.

dear is so crappy !
even uncles also attract.
hais..
what to do ?
and our favourite maid came !
haha.
weird woman.
came down with a little girl.
damn funny !
so amusing.
think he didnt see what i saw.
couldnt stop laughing.

he was folding paper aeroplanes.
cos someone left a foolscap pad there.
ugly planes that couldnt fly..
haha.
but can do tricks nia..

he had to go by 7.
going clubbing with his friends.
someone's birthday..
busy dude..
6 plus ppl keep calling him le.
hais.
have to share my dear..
so hard to meet up cos hes nocturnal..

but i had fun.
haha.
lame uncivilised kid who seems to like my mother.
keep encouraging me to go down there.
sorry its rather nice up here.
im a good kid !
youre not !

hehe.
P.S. : i love my jiemeis.

beautiful day

2005-11-07T18:54:00.000-08:00

was such a beautiful day.
my physical illness is recovering fast.
my emotional illness is gone !
why ?
cos my darling red devils have delivered.

score :
manchester united 1, chelsea 0.

pardon me while i laugh hysterically.
till it happened, i was rather disheartened.
i didnt believe that it was possible.
i doubted the three-man midfield, richardson, smith and fletcher.
richardson didnt make any glaring mistakes the whole night.
fletcher scored the only goal.
smith was the man of the match.
so i was wrong.
thank you for proving me wrong !

i love my devils..
even ferdinand was okay.
im sorry i ever doubted you guys..
haha.
shall never do it again.

my devils won me a treat too.
cos xu ruihan told me that man u would lose 3-1.
he gave me two bucks..
haha.
so proud of my devils !

was such a beautiful day today.
tho i was late.
and i waited ages for a cab.
and it rained !
the cab driver was nice.
nth was gonna bring me down !
haha.

school was damn boring.
lessons one after another.
after that came to elaine's house le..
which is where i am now.

missing my dear..
was supposed to walk me to elaine's house de.
but the time was really rather packed.
so i told him not to come.
didnt think he saw my msg.
maybe hes fallen asleep again.
haha.
that would be good.
he needs sleep !
cant fight with him de..
he always wins !

scary dude..
hes gonna pinch me and hug me and god knows what else..
bleah.
remind me not to dare him to do anything.

haha.
just for fun im gonna do this.
xuelin and elaine would understand this.

P.S. : i have nth to say.
haha.

HIGH LEVEL ENGLISH.

2005-11-06T16:39:00.000-08:00

this entry
shall be dedicated
to whoevr wnts to read it
warning :-
pls do not vomit blood
this is EXTREMELY HIGH LVL

this entry is by :-
1. cindy the grt
2. xuelin the prince

here goes :-

a be w ii exx gu ddx arff tuhh n0onX
x. -ii lurr bbx c h oco la tt exx
w ii ex a rr e. ii no ce nce.x
w ii ex a rre. ii mp urr f ec tt xx.-

w ii ex ha bb xx a be w iie xx n ii cc ex po em t uu hh s hh arr e x :-
i f i m y o0 a rr e m y t ea r ii w ou ld l yk tu hh b or n ii n u rr e yes ,
l ii ve on u rr c h ee ks an d d ii e o n u rr l ii ps ...
ii f u a rr e m y t ea rs ii w ou ld n ev er c ry cu z ii ne ve rwan yo0 to leave me ...
[[ wa t a n ii ce po em ]]

w ii ex ha bb x a f we nn xX c 0r ddx j0 a nn a.xX
s hh ii exx qua ck qua ck

w ii ex a rr e. x ii a0 mE ii xX
s w ee tt. ii no ce nce
t wii ss hh !

t uu dd ae.x de rrx s k ii e.x iis hhx be w ii exX de rrx BL OO EE.x
w h ii ex d uu nn chhx ee uux rr ii tt ex an e ss a eex

w ii ex a rr e. c u rrr een tt lii eex w a ii tt ii nn gx f uu rr.x e La ii nn exx
s h ii ex ii s hhx b uu y ii nn G.x p0 ta rr t0ex c hii pp.xX f uu rr.x uu s.xX
w ii ex a rr e.x b ew ii ex d e rr.x h uu n grr ii ezx
w a ii t.xX uu nt ii L.x b ew ii ex de rr.x l o0o nn G.x h0 rr.x

ee uu.x a rr hh .xX b ew ii ex de rr.x whh a dd le hh.xX
m a kk e uu s.Xx wa ii t.x s hh o0 lo0o nn G.x fe rr.x ee uu.x
b ew ii ex de rr.x whh a dd h0rr.x

de rr.x ii shh.X a bendannxZHUZHU r uu nn ii nn.G a rr 0 uu ndd.x
b ew ii ex h 0 rr ii G ii bL e.x w 0 rrs. X
c a rr n 0 rrt.x s tt a nn dd.x x.-ii t.x

s hh oo.x h 0 rrx.-
t a kk ar eii w.X a rr hh.x .. .. . . . . . . . . ... .... ... ...
b uu a ii s.xXz ... .. ...
m uu ac k ii exxX ....
l uu rr bb e.x ee uu a l 0 rr txx.X w 0 rrx.Z

: DDDDDDD

this is indeed vry high lvl
whoevr can undrstd
free chocos !
can come and claim it frm xuelin
rmb :-
this is EXTREMELY HIGH LVL
dnt injure yrslf in the process of readg
it aint worth it
and guess wht ?
we took a lot of time to configure this
we wld lik to thk our source
who is :- UNKNWN.
thk you for readg.
hve a nice day ((:

P.S. DNT HURT YR EYES.
: DDDDDDDD

here i go.

2005-11-05T23:29:00.000-08:00

a day of rushing abt.
had to struggle to be on time.
had to meet liyong and denny at amk library.
denny stephen always scold me de !
grr.
sucker.
actually i can make it in time de..
i was late because i forgot the hbp.
had to rush back to get it.
then got timing prob with my bro.
haha.
run up and down like idiot.
was late only for abt 20 minutes.
denny printed new compre for liyong.
so proud of my student !
haha.
did all the work given to him.
im such a great teacher !
i did 21 questions of maths out of the 30 given.
so accomplished can.
most of them were freaking easy.
sec 2 maths i think..
what an insult to my intelligence.
encountered some problems tho.
aiyah my complicated mind cannot do such easy sums lah..
haha.
better dont say too much..
my sec 3 maths is still horrible.
today i read this really good book.
room one-nineteen.
psychological thriller.
really interesting with a brilliant plot twist.
wow.
will borrow it if i can find it again.
no card today..
can use for my book review !
then dont have to read another four books..
hehehe.
went to popular.
liyong kindly pass worksheets to ruihan but kena whack.
haha.
so sad.
liyong so big but always get bullied.
amusing fellow.
then went to find winnie to pass her the hbp.
harry potter rocks !
haha.
yuhui's cousin..
met up with xuelin.
had a long talk at mac.
shes the best jiemei seriously.
xuelin is always there !
other than our beloved jj of cos.
stupid woman in china !
faster come back lah..
miss her like hell !
she so cute can..
that sucker.
haha.
went walking ard.
cant find my purple dinosaur.
but i found my black nail polish !
me and xuelin are gonna have fun tmr..
haha.
she just bought a lime green one.
really gonna be fun !
haha.
dear got back his hp le..
can predict that days ahead will be brighter.
just to assure ppl like my CARING TEACHER.
there is house phone.
he called me on his house phone after hunting around for my no.
haha.
quite sad that ppl cannot remember my no.
but thats all hes guilty of.
hopefully lah.
i dont think hes so smart to think of elaborate plots.
oops.. sorry.
accidentally say out.
anyways.
im just gonna take things in my stride now.
enjoy the sickeningly sweet moments while i can.
when they are over i will know they are over.
not gonna be a stupid kid again.
peace.

paranoia

2005-11-04T22:17:00.000-08:00

whoosh.

a cloud has just lifted off my damned head.

for the past four days..

my self-induced depression is just what it was.

self-induced.

it feels good to realise that i imagined everything.

wow.

what a horrible pessimist i am.

all that happened was that his handphone was under repair !

im so screwed up.

insecure, with a wonderful imagination.

im suddenly happy again.

maybe mr chng is right.

i might have split personalities.

denny, its not cool.

maybe i just have a severe case of mood swings.

however, life is not going totally swimmingly.

im no longer emotionally ill.

but i am still physically ill.

gosh i hate the flu !

feels like my nose is gonna drop off.

also, i need to give a warning.

the fairprice tissue paper that says 'soft' on the cover is actually bluffing.

its not soft lor..

its rougher than toilet paper can..

hi kitty is better.

haha.

and part of my heart is still damaged.

and it cannot be repaired unless my beloved red devils start looking like red devils again.

at the moment they look so fragile.

totally unlike the treble-winning manchester united of 98/99.

they play like a team in danger of relegation.

lost to middlesborough and lille !

this cannot do.

chelsea this weekend !

come on my darling devils...

you can do it !

missing our beloved jiemei terribly.

poor rejected elaine and the guy who gave up.

sians.

had a webcam convo with chengting !

it was entertaining.

colourblind woman bought me a blue dinosaur.

i want a purple one thats not barney !

haha.

school is killing me.

so damn packed.

ming quan is tempted to burn down the school.

he wants me to buy the kerosene and lighter !

wah..

lastly before i die of this damned flu.

i wanna say i love my dear.

despite many blips along the way.

mostly due to miscommunication.

i am now thoroughly dependent on him.

what would i do without you ?

haha.

though you dont provide me tissue.

and you say ridiculous things.

and you have scary friends all over the place.

and you hold my mother's hand..

and want to play mahjong with her !

you have given a special meaning to void decks :p

haha.

i will not let you down lah..

love you (:

third time !

peace.

only one - yellowcard

2005-11-03T20:13:00.000-08:00

BROKEN THIS FRAGILE THING NOW
AND I CANT
I CANT PICK UP THE PIECES
IVE THROWN MY WORDS ALL AROUND
BUT I CANT
I CANT GIVE YOU A REASON

I FEEL SO BROKEN UP
AND I GIVE UP
I JUST WANNA TELL YOU SO YOU KNOW

HERE I GO
SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT TO TRY TO GET TO YOU
YOU ARE MY ONLY ONE
I LET GO
BUT THERE'S JUST NO ONE WHO GETS ME LIKE YOU DO
YOU ARE MY ONLY
MY ONLY ONE

MADE MY MISTAKES LET YOU DOWN
AND I CANT
I CANT HOLD ON FOR TOO LONG
RAN MY WHOLE LIFE IN THE GROUND
AND I CANT
I CANT GET UP WHEN YOURE GONE

SOMETHING'S BREAKING UP
I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP
I WONT WALK OUT UNTIL YOU KNOW

HERE I GO
SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT TO TRY TO GET TO YOU
YOU ARE MY ONLY ONE
I LET GO
BUT THERES JUST NO ONE THAT GETS ME LIKE YOU DO
YOU ARE MY ONLY
MY ONLY ONE

HERE I GO
SO DISHONESTLY
LEAVE A NOTE
FOR YOU MY ONLY ONE
AND I KNOW
YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME
SO LET ME GO
AND YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE

HERE I GO
SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT TO TRY TO GET TO YOU
YOU ARE MY ONLY ONE
I LET GO
BUT THERES JUST NO ONE
NO ONE LIKE YOU
YOU ARE MY ONLY
MY ONLY ONE

MY ONLY ONE
MY ONLY ONE
MY ONLY ONE
YOU ARE MY ONLY
MY ONLY ONE

the world is black

2005-11-01T21:03:00.000-08:00

what a day of chin chows.
gosh.
can still smell the chin chow now.
eww.
everywhere i go, i see chin chows.
i am so disgusted can ?
i officially declare chin chow undrinkable.
they're so gay !
erm.. chin chow culture to be gay ?
a bit despotic isnt it..
and really really gross.
imagine chin chow holding hands.
wow.
i drank so much chin chow today i can puke everything out.
totally ruined my appetite for the next ten years can..
today is such a chin chow day.
chin chow is everywhere !
went to sentosa and saw so much chin chow there too !
omg.
even in the water can..
no wonder the water so dirty..
from now onwards im allergic to chin chow.
what a horrible experience.
next time got chin chow day i must stay at home le.
no more chin chow !
shudder..

youre never coming home, never coming home

2005-10-29T23:37:00.000-07:00

argh.
just felt like being a bitch today.
you dont deprive me of sleep alright ?
i get super cranky.
went shopping with my family today.
bottom line, it was crap.
bought a nice shirt tho..
mango adores you.
hahaa.
do not enjoy shopping with family.
dont you just hate it when you shop with ppl with different tastes frm you ?
its just.. frustrating.
shall not do it again.
but i do so need a shopping trip again now..
lack of clothes..
and i had to throw away another innocent earring !
grr...
discipline teachers are not good for my pocket..
my friendster is in desperate need of new photos too.
still dont have the photos frm zhiyang's bday..
hais..
a waste of a good saturday..
didnt even have time for a peek at tkd..
mostly due to my mum's problem with my life.
the panel really sparked off a strong reaction in my mum.
she goes on and on abt what the teachers said every 5 minutes.
complaining that i dont do enough..
asking if i really understood what was said at the panel..
gosh i really need a break.
tho im really not doing anything..
guess i just need to be normal and chill for a while after the exams.
can you blame me for being a teenager ?
and also because she was so pissed at me for coming home late last night.
cant deny i was really rather guai lan.
was waiting for her to call..
even tho i knew i was expected to be home.
she was screaming because her friends were over and thot i had no respect for her.
what kind of screwed up friends does she have ?
trying to break our mother-daughter relationship ?
tsktsk.
but i had fun yesterday.
severe mood swings but no regrets abt getting screamed at.
didnt go to sch and woke up late..
agreed to pei lennon go walk walk..
but he had to go soon.
in the end he was in a rush..
so i told him not to bother abt me.
didnt want to take him up on his offer to go east coast either.
lets just say im not comfortable with his company.
so one plan cancelled.
earlier called denny stephen go lunch with me.
but when i was leaving..
i msged him and he didnt reply.
my damned sixth sense told me he would cancel.
wow thats what he did.
said he wanted to study for his higher chinese exam on monday.
maybe because i was all ready to go out and suddenly got "abandoned".
i was so upset.
i got angry with him and scolded him.
it wasnt entirely his fault really.
and i pushed all the blame to him bcos i cldnt bear to scold lennon.
i was so pissed off..
just right saw sugi online..
threw everything out at him too.
haha.
feel the wrath of a woman scorned.
but his service is rather useful.
later still via sms listen to me.
cos i suddenly felt guilty abt denny stephen not being angry with me.
and that lennon actually called back twice in case i got lonely.
and sugi didnt even charge me money for his service.
the most important thing he did was scold me when the other two couldnt.
can you blame me for depending so much on the people ard me ?
and my lovely jiemeis too.
those who were with me yesterday just rule my life.
elaine xuelin chengting and angeline.
i watched stupid videos on mtv with elaine.
then went to hang ard heartland with xuelin and chengting.
then with angeline five of us went to angeline hse play mahjong.
me and angeline alternate cos she was doing housework.
hahaa free maid.
bless her mum.
and i was reading tsubasa book 11.
full of crap the damn book.
then later went home.
we were having fun with xuelin's line.
"if you get raped, call me. we'll conference."
hilarious.
and the talk abt armpits with elaine too.
elaine ang : armpit guru.
how amazing.
then went to hang ard the void deck of 121.
our favourite spot.
i really do love my dear..
as much as i know abt love anyway.
we can sit there and talk insignificant nonsense or dont even talk.
but i enjoy being with him.
shall not say hes irritating anymore.
he gets heartbroken and hurts his sister.
haha !
but he does frustrate me at times..
i wont say its irritating but harmless erm.. bullying ?
and there was this weird guy who came and apologised..
for disturbing or sth.
cos someone punched someone twice..
ah beng politics again.
the guy was like "sorry sorry sorry"..
and we didnt even know whats going on.
at least i didnt know cos i dont know anyone who punches ppl.
just really felt like laughing cos i saw the guy before..
and seeing someone so act tough apologise is rather amusing.
and because i was stubbornly waiting for my mum to call.
i kept my poor dear frm going home.
haha.
he kept saying he was tired.
finally when my mum called to scream at me we left.
he was so amused.
think he could hear my mum screaming through the phone.
was almost 11 at the time.
then while i was at the lift lobby saw some ppl carrying altar and stuff.
and one of them came up to us.
wow someone's popular ehh ?
but this time is his friend.
had to go through the zoo animal thing again..
then i finally gave up and decided to walk up instead.
so we took a turn and went for the stairs.
but after we separated that friend came again.
maybe im a kpo but i peeked and saw them walking off together.
weird ppl.
haha.
shall not say too much.
then came the dreaded screaming.
and hence today's being chained to my mum, resulting in extreme unhappiness.
at least dinner was good.
peace.

BURIED MYSELF ALIVE

2005-10-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

YOU ALMOST ALWAYS PICK THE BEST TIMES
TO DROP THE WORSE LINES
YOU ALMOST MADE ME CRY AGAIN THIS TIME
ANOTHER FALSE ALARM
RED FLASHING LIGHTS
WELL THIS TIME NOT GOING TO WATCH MYSELF DIE
I THINK I MADE IT A GAME TO PLAY YOUR GAME
AND LET MYSELF CRY
I BURIED MYSELF ALIVE ON THE INSIDE
SO I COULD SHUT YOU OUT
AND MAKE YOU GO AWAY FOR A LONG TIME

I GUESS ITS OKAY I PUKED THE DAY AWAY
I GUESS IT'S BETTER YOU TRAPPED YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN WAY
AND IF YOU WANT ME BACK
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK

what significance this song holds for me.
its a sign of weakness to cry.
and it appears the only things that make me strong are actually the people around me.
so what do i do ?
they are still here physically but their hearts have left me.
whats the use ?
im so sick of feeling like the world is playing me.
suddenly seems like i dont have anything.
everything has just fallen in on itself.
i hate my damn complacency.
keep thinking im damn happy.
but actually what i hold in my hands arent really mine.
what the hell.

like a thousand miles of fire

2005-10-27T22:53:00.000-07:00

lets talk abt yesterday..
happy first month !
haha..
and happy birthday to billy darling too.
wow.
coincidence huh ?
gained some insight into ah beng politics yesterday.
not exactly very enjoyable..
rather scary..
was praying i wldnt get involved cos my rep was impt to me.
two more days of sch nia..
but i had fun at the void deck..
i have such a crappy dear..
has fun irritating the hell outta me..
uncivilised bad kid..
but its better than nothing.
so many entertaining ppl around.
esp the maid who was singing to a baby..
and the baby started crying !
whoa..
and he was making up silly stuff..
esp that stupid handphone ringtone..
grr.
hes so damn sweet lah..
unlike what elaine thinks.
saved every single one of my smses and can even tell me what was the first msg i sent him.
but ask me ah..
i cant say anything..
so bad.
guilty nia..
he promised to make me happy and he delivered.
love him to bits..
(:
please do not puke.
haha.
rmb when i said bobby's blog is diabetes inducing..
i try not to be like him.
haha.
today was panel day !
sad leh..
results werent that bad in comparison to the rest of the class..
but i kena panel leh..
dont know why..
sian beh..
six in our class.
me jieying edith keene tinghao and clement.
oh yeah.
and denny has decided to help keene.
his ye man tong xue.
surprisingly keene didnt accuse him of being gay and give him a punch.
haha.
and keene teng the champ has also declined to teach me to climb fence.
eee.
he claims hes gonna reform and stop running le.
and he dont want to make me become bad wor.
wow.
not bad.
better keep his words.
i dont intend to go for another panel meeting and i dont want him there either.
haha.
same goes for see tinghao.
no more panel !
whew.
gonna get suffocated by holiday homework and extra lessons.
every single day !
even got until dec de..
will die..
sian.
guess theres no rest for the weary eh ?
no work for the broke either..
gonna study harder for sure.
but that doesnt mean i wont play.
need to set aside time for my friends.
esp my lovely jiemeis.
and the best one of all sleeping at home now.
haha.
keep this up and i wont have to become yr niang and nag at you le.
i love the people im blessed with.
(:
peace.

anthem of our dying day

2005-10-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

today rather tiring..
morning wake up go yuhui house bake cake.
tho i didnt do much lah ..
so many things her house dont have..
not enough sugar..
no milk..
no egg..
no flour..
how to bake cake sia..
dont worry.
cindy to the rescue !
i provide eggs and flour.
but flour not enough so we mixed in some rice flour.
which might explain the lumps.
i was told that rice flour makes the cake hard.
we just pretended they were nuts ..
X:
and half the sugar was brown sugar.
half white sugar.
and the sugar was added at the wrong step.
wah piang.
no wonder the cake turned out weird.
but we added lots and lots of chocolate dots.
and chocolate syrup too.
made it damn sweet and nice (:
when yuhui went out to buy milk had quite a scare.
cos me and yenju were at the kitchen.
yuhui put vickey and tigger outside.
vickey is a damn big rottweiler who barks at ppl all the time.
scary.
and tigger damn cute.
hes a little copydog who copies vickey.
hahahaha.
now he doesnt look so stupid le.
looks a bit fiercer.
anyways we were in the kitchen and the door was supposed to be close.
but tigger came in !
we were so scared that we'd be stuck in the house with vickey.
so when tigger went out we quickly closed the door.
whoa.
anyways we baked the cake and turned up late at cine kbox.
i couldnt sing !
some i knew but i would never admit.
retarded !
jiamin is a rather good singer wor..
mr chng too !
haha.
quite an entertaining day today.
then played quite a while at the arcade.
the air hockey thing quite rocks.
but i have to boast first !
i beat mr chng and chunwei at daytona !
haha.
they fighting fighting there while i the underdog slowly drive.
while they were flipping each other i overtake.
wahahahaha.
smart or not ?
i rather pro at the sharp turn le lor ..
not like some people keep flipping.
haha.
but i wont declare myself a pro lah.
prefer to think my competition is not very good.
keeps me humble.
haha.
let me repeat..
I BEAT MR CHNG AND CHUNWEI AT DAYTONA !
haha.
tinghao didnt join.
put coin put too slow..
then go out sit ard and gossip.
and let me mention sophie boey the pink lady.
dressed in all pink today.
wahh so shining.
the few of them left while we were hanging ard outside the california fitness talking.
gossip a lot.
then they sian go ps.
bunch of us sat at the starbucks there talking crap.
even mr chng hor.
gossip abt mayflower teachers.
haha.
mayflower is such a crap sch.
i realise that i have a lot of amusing memories here.
ooh.
and a collection of amusing punishments too.
and quite infamous..
at night went back cine.
mr chng left for some piano concert.
go food court eat.
yenju left first cos meeting cousin.
eat le then split.
the rest went heeren walk ard.
me and yuhui left first.
yuhui go ah mah house.
i had to rush home for secret meeting.
haha.
got so sick in the mrt.
was leaning against the damn metal pole.
weak stomach sia ..
everything threatening to come up again.
made it home anyway..
but was sprawled on the table lah..
sian beh..
rarely see my dearest but when i see him i cant say much.
oh yeah.
other than tell him to throw away the cigarette !
ugh hate it when ppl smoke.
spoils their image, esp for women.
smoking kills !
and then sian sian there.
almost died hor..
but see you also quite nice lah (:
then came back home and dying dying again.
then feel better le.
have a talk crap session with sugi.
my dj partner !
second best..
but hes quite incapable of keeping negative comments to himself..
so yeah.
and one more thing.
happy birthday to xiao yang.
xiao yang rocks !
peace.